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PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

0 posted 2002-07-29 03:58 PM

Space flows on,
no notice of the
growing, growing distance
between man and word.

The pen and the paper,
lovers meant to be.
Waiting out a fight,
man and word on rocky ground.

Not right without
that precious other;
unsure what the cause,
despising the distance.

Reaching out,
arms full of longing:
pen, paper and man,
crossing the distance.

4/18/02

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

1 posted 2002-07-29 04:02 PM

Hello there.

This is one piece I'm rather proud of, but I know that it can use a lot of work. What I like about it is how I adapted writer's block to poem. Does anyone have any thoughts on how to improve it?

Sincerely,
Titus

"They say that a hero can save us. I'm not gonna stand here and wait..."

-Chad Kroger

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

2 posted 2002-07-29 04:19 PM

(smiles) I'm sorry, I'm never the guy you want to ask to critique! LOL! I suck at critiquing! (giggles in delight) Seriously, I love this so so much as you express so vividly the bond between a poets heart, quill, and parchment, but you'll have to ask someone else for constructive criticism, hehehe! (blushes) This is wonderful, sweet friend, we all love you so much! Youn have such a beautiful heart, sweet Daniel, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

A Whisper's Caress
Senior Member

since 2000-11-03

Posts 791
on the horizon of a fairytale

3 posted 2002-07-29 10:03 PM

Hello,

No critique needed for this piece. Very nice the way it reads.

ever deep...runs
the wishing well
for fairytale illusions

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

4 posted 2002-07-29 10:09 PM

Awesome

Cold hands means a warm heart

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

5 posted 2002-07-31 06:29 PM

Thanks you three.

Sincerely,
Titus

"They say that a hero can save us. I'm not gonna stand here and wait..."

-Chad Kroger

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