Things (pers.challenge tag game thing) #2

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wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

0 posted 2002-07-25 07:48 AM

Serenity tags Anvrill. Anvrill challenges wranx to write a poem about each of his Ex-Wives, settles for a few. Here is poem #2 (last ex-wife)

Things

I always had trouble
understanding Louise.

If I did a thing
That she approved
but, only occasionally,
she would say,
that I never did it

If I did a thing
that she did not approve
but, only occasionally,
she would say
that I always did it

She always spoke in imperatives
and
she always used pronouns

With her,
there were no names

It was always
“Give me that thing.”
“Where did you put it?”
“Is it over there?”

So, you see?
The entire time
that we were together

I never knew,

what it was.

~wranx

The shortest distance between two points...
is sometimes, intolerable.

Bukowski

[This message has been edited by wranx (07-25-2002 12:06 PM).]

WhiteRose
Member Elite

since 2002-07-23

Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon

1 posted 2002-07-25 10:11 AM

Not sure if this is what you were going for, but this one made me smile. Maybe because I'm a woman. Anyway, I found it humorous and then felt bad because I didn't know if it was meant to be funny. I enjoyed it immensely.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

2 posted 2002-07-25 11:27 AM

So, you see?
The entire time
that we were together

I never knew,

what it was.

=============================

your irony and subtle sarcastic wit, is as poetically pleasing as your succinct style of writing. The impact of your closing lines was perfect in its delivery.
enjoyed both of your offerings to the challenge.
Well done poet sir

jm

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

3 posted 2002-07-25 11:33 AM

I'm not sure about that first part, but the vagueness of Louise--I gotta admit--it unsettled me. GROAN...*smacking my head*--I've gotta work on that...I just presume that EVERYBODY can read minds!

and? I'm waiting to see just HOW MANY of these you are going to write!

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

4 posted 2002-07-25 12:03 PM

Whiterose ~
This was indeed meant to be a bit of a satire. we battled sbout her inabilty to name a thing, for years

Janet Marie ~
Thanks, so much

serenity ~
Be not unsettled, Louise was (and remains) one of my favorite people. She maintained, that I was the only one that had no idea. Perhaps...
As for the number of poems required? Maybe a couple more, who knows?

The shortest distance between two points...
is sometimes, intolerable.

Bukowski

[This message has been edited by wranx (07-25-2002 02:59 PM).]

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California