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Open Poetry #21
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The Cloud People
| Open Poetry #21 |
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The Cloud People |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California 
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The Cloud People The cloud people are rising over the mountain of San Gabriel their hair fluffed up with wind comb they blow trails into the blue of day for it to walk on in its play They look to be of soft intent casually bent on looking into the valleys They are taller than the pine tree that stands like a scratch of hen on blue much taller than me or you the serious hills needing rain fear the sharp pierce of heat that they contain The hot breath of their wonder fills me listening now in wait for thunder Remember when in the other time life came from search and find and all around the magic flew yes I feel that place in me before a door that sees this cloud with portent more than sound and fire meant a breathing thing that screamed with vent and sent me crying with one soft look my mind mistook The cloud people are rising over the mountain of San Gabriel their hair fluffed up with wind comb they blow trails into the blue of day for it to walk on in its play [This message has been edited by Martie (07-25-2002 01:04 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Martie Odell Ingebretsen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
their hair fluffed up with wind comb they blow trails into the blue of day for wind to walk on in its play Oh how I love these beautiful images, Martie...and I also love clouds.  ~ cloudy hugsLyra |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
There's no denying it ... YOU ARE POETRY ! ! ! ! That's it ! 'Cepting ... I love you~  *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Martie...enjoyed the beautiful rhythm and rhyme here... Wonderful sweet poetess! ~Hugs~ |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (smiles) Oh Martie, this is just breathtaking, sweet friend, I love clouds so much and love watching the wonderful shapes and things they create! (kiss on cheek) This is beautiful, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Martie, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
their hair fluffed up with wind comb they blow trails into the blue of day It's hard to see when the smog hovers over those hills in the summer time. But still I can picture this clearly. You write so vividly and descriptively of the scenery surrounding you. Nicely done Martie~ |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
ms martie.. the cloud people didn't come to my side of the valley..you warned me of them and I was looking there...they saw my eyes and pretended not to be interested in a visit. so cool babe...enjoyed it huge |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Firstly, a couple of points to ponder...I think that the first line could be made much more active but changing 'are rising' to 'rise'? And the 'you and me' struck me as being a little..childish? this I love: The hot breath of their wonder fills me listening now in wait for thunder Remember when in the other time life came from search and find and all around the magic flew yes I feel that place in me before a door that sees this cloud with portent more than sound and fire meant a breathing thing that screamed with vent and sent me crying with one soft look my mind mistook sometimes, you right with sheer gift..hope you continue to know that... love you  K |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
The hot breath of their wonder fills me listening now in wait for thunder Remember when in the other time life came from search and find and all around the magic flew yes I feel that place in me before a door that sees this cloud with portent more than sound and fire meant a breathing thing that screamed with vent and sent me crying with one soft look my mind mistook ================================ Well ya know I am loving the rhymes and inner rhymes of this imagery rich piece.. as well as the personifications... very cool write Martie-girl...crossing me fingers the Cloud crowd brings ya some rain  |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Lyra--Your kindness is appreciated. Marge--I love you too! Nancy--So glad you enjoyed. Noah--Can see you on the grass looking up. Blues--You must live near me. Thank you for seeing with me. DS--Not quite that way...I warned them of you. Wink! Kamla--It is so good to get a critique from you. I always am greatful for what you see..helps me to see better. Janet--They didn't bring rain, but they will be back again today and we'll see. Thanks for your words and friendship. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
the serious hills needing rain Big Bear Mountain, not quite San Gabriel, but serious, nonetheless, felt my footprints of decades past where I bent to push a vacancy to gather a seedling of pine, and tar, and a bit of water to help it grow... it wasn't even Arbor Day but I planted a tree nevertheless... wonderful memories m'lady...thank you.... |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
the serious hills needing rain fear the sharp pierce of heat that they contain The hot breath of their wonder fills me listening now in wait for thunder This is superb, Martie... and I agree with Marge... You ARE poetry. *S* I've already enjoyed several readings... plan to enjoy many more. *S* Wonderful work! |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
If your words were to be a cloud...then we would scoop them up to build a billowed stairway to poetry heaven. With that said.....know that I loved it and shall take this one to the pillow for this nights dreams. |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Enjoyed the flow and rhyme of this...seems you are praying for rain too....or less heat...maybe both... How's the fishing going? Hugs lady... |
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sodpossom Senior Member
since 2001-06-15
Posts 723N.C |
Very nice rhyme and flow.Enjoyed it! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
See? Part three... |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Love this! I wait now at the lake or walking by the bay |
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