2 treatments to the theme "Sudden Blindness" a challenge

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VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

0 posted 2002-07-18 06:01 PM

Sudden Blindness

he stepped into the room
I’d been struck
with sudden blindness
to everything in the world
save his eyes
his penetrating eyes.
he seemed to see
the very heart of me;
he seemed to know
every chasm that was open
to receive all he might have to give

as if frozen,
save for the racing of my heart
and the tears
leaking from my eyes.
the tears that cleansed the dust
from my cheeks
the dust that had come
from walking that lonely road
seeking something,
someone,
upon which to base my life
my energies
my trust.

then
there I was
right in front of him
which one of us had moved
which one closed the gap

He reached out
and touched me
and made me whole
for the first time
in my life.

the sudden blindness
was no more;
I saw more clearly
than ever before.
the sharpness of the sunlight
the dew glistening upon the flowers
and I recognized Him.
I knew Whom He was
and He knew me, completely,
and even so, His love
changed not.

©July 18, 2002

I had hope the 2nd one would be humorous. Alas, it certainly is not. I was going from the idea of venetian blinds causing blindness to a window. Didn't work out that way. More a "Days of Wine and Roses" kind of thing.

Blindness Comes

the blindness of the window breaks
the morning’s cause, delirium shakes,
as sun is shunned and held at bay
that I’ll be freed from feet of clay
and throbbing head and teeth and tongue
and bloodshot eyes that cry for numb

she hollered to me, “please get up,
your coffee’s cold now in your cup
your late night hour, if truth be told,
has brought a weak’ning of your soul
get up, go wash, I do not jest,
you must go in and face your test”

as I arose to face the day
she looked at me in her own way
knowing well what would be best
to shield me in a darkened nest
she raced up to the window cord
grabbed ahold and pulled it hard

and there between each window sash
the blinds went down in one loud crash
and each pane held sudden blindness
to the day, I’m turning gray

the blindness of the window breaks
the morning’s cause, delirium shakes,
as sun is shunned and held at bay
that I’ll be freed from feet of clay
and throbbing head and teeth and tongue
and bloodshot eyes that cry for numb

©July 18, 2002

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

1 posted 2002-07-18 08:19 PM

I get it!
Your talents speak music all there own...roses...or venetians...either a window, reflecting the sun. ThisDiamond
I am going to try this.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

2 posted 2002-07-18 08:49 PM

Oh these are very very good!!
So much enjoyed...I especially loved the first one.
~Hugs~

mycafe
Senior Member

since 2002-05-23

Posts 584

3 posted 2002-07-18 10:59 PM

You wrote so well, VAS! Like Enchantress, I prefer the first one too.

mycafe

Keep counting your blessings

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-05

Posts 8296
Michigan

4 posted 2002-07-18 11:22 PM

Both are excellent, Virginia...
I actually prefer the second because it was so dramatic.

~ blind hugs

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled" Gwendolyn Brooks

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

5 posted 2002-07-19 12:11 PM

Virginia,
will attempt to write a decent piece for your challenge...both these poems were excellent but i preferred the second one because it gave me room to ponder...i felt the ache in the narrator's words and wondered what terrible incident could have occurred to him that he would want to sht himself away....

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