Toerag and his girlfriend had a picnic just last week.
(Don't ask me how he got one - Toe was always such a geek).
While they were sitting on the blanket Toe looked up and spied
A spaceship from another planet landing by their side.

A male and a female climbed out of the alien craft.
They saw the look of pure amazement on Toe's face and laughed.
They said, "Don't be alarmed. We are what you call girl and boy
And came to Earth to study mating habits you employ."

Toe then looked at his girlfriend (alien chick looked REAL hot!)
His girl was eyeing up the guy and said to Toe, "Why not?"
So she went off with alien guy - the girl went off with Toe
Deciding they would meet back there in half an hour or so.

So she was with the alien guy. Although he was quite tall
When he took off his tunic she could see that he was SMALL!
"Whadda gonna do with that is what I'd like to know...
If I had wanted size like that I could have stayed with Toe!!"

"You wish it larger?, he exclaimed. "Perhaps three times that size?"
Then twisted his right ear and it grew right before her eyes!!
"My God! Oh, yes! That's perfect....but it's skinny now!", she cried.
He twisted his left ear and it became three times as wide!

She could contain herself no longer, threw the fellow down
And, for an hour, the alien and earthling went to town!!!
She'd never been so satisfied. Her face was all aglow
As back they went to reunite with alien girl and Toe.

The aliens then got in their ship and waved farewell goodbye
Then shot straight up and disappeared into the summer sky.
Toe then looked at his girlfriend smiling....face was still aglow,
And, in a quite defensive voice, said, "Well? How did it go?"

She said, "It was the greatest feeling I have ever known!
I've never met another who could make me cry and moan.
I can't begin to tell you all the joy that I went through.
How sad that I have only been with losers such as you!"

"Hrrmmpphh!", said Toe. "Well, I showed her that earthmen know their stuff.
The poor gal went so crazy she just couldn't get enough!
She clawed at me and pulled at me, her face almost in tears.
Her passion was so great she almost twisted off my ears!!!