Abandoned Tears "in Spencerian" - A First

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Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-21

Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song

0 posted 2002-07-23 07:39 PM

Abandoned Tears

Abandoned tears in heart of innocence
Relate to times in golden days untamed
Between the kiss of passionate defense
As love awaits embraced resolve unclaimed

In hidden dreams this fear inside remained
Enraged with burn of ache without release
To dwell within a shallow wall unframed
Against all will to find the soul at peace

As sparks of hope burn low in this decrease
Amidst the winds of woe in hearts decay
To wisps in bonds of mesmerized increase
With flicks of flame in light of soft dismay

To passions call delight will set this dance
As love is waltzed to give this heart a chance

Mark Christopher

Many thanks to Balladeer for his time and help with this and to Nan for having such complete and easy to follow rules for sonnets to refer to. I appreciate it much.

Recognize love for the gift it is and not a need that is out of focus .

[This message has been edited by Mark Bohannan (07-23-2002 07:45 PM).]

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

1 posted 2002-07-23 07:40 PM

Very good words here

Cold hands means a warm heart

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

2 posted 2002-07-23 07:46 PM

Mark~You are a brilliant artist!
You never fail to take my breath away..
and render me speechless.
Love this piece...and I'm keeping it!!
~Hugs, Nancy~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

3 posted 2002-07-23 07:54 PM

Ah the sonnet Mark. I have tried to do a few of these in my time, but never with such wonderful results. Well done.

Enjoy life, this is NOT a dress rehearsal.

{on the wings of words are spirits fly...and our souls are free~me}

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

4 posted 2002-07-23 08:45 PM

Mark

I'm not an expert on this form, although I can certainly appreciate it...to me this read like silk on a dance floor...with a most graceful dancer, of course.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

5 posted 2002-07-23 08:57 PM

(smiles) Awwwwwwwww, I love this sonnet, sweet friend, you are truly talented at these and I just know you can make many more of these beautiful gems! (big hugggsssss) This is passionately delightful, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Mark, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

mycafe
Senior Member

since 2002-05-23

Posts 584

6 posted 2002-07-23 09:12 PM

You never fail to amaze, Mark. This is lovely writing, speaks of hope within times of sadness. May I use the word "awesome" again ??!!

mycafe

Keep counting your blessings

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

7 posted 2002-07-23 09:12 PM

MarkB~
Good on you, sweetie !

Beautifully written~
Beautiful thoughts~
*Hugs*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Chanson
Senior Member

since 2000-08-19

Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle

8 posted 2002-07-23 09:17 PM

Hi Mark, I am not a sonnet writer but I know a good one when I read one.

Good one! *s

When you think you have heard it all,
listen more closely.
~Dorene

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

9 posted 2002-07-23 09:39 PM

Mark, the way you approached this with a willingness to learn, a desire to succeed and a determination to make it perfect makes you a true poet in my eyes....I salute you for an excellent job

snowpants
Member Elite

since 2000-09-16

Posts 2061
KS

10 posted 2002-07-23 10:26 PM

'Abandoned tears in heart of innocence
Relate to times in golden days untamed
Between the kiss of passionate defense
As love awaits embraced resolve unclaimed'

'To passions call delight will set this dance
As love is waltzed to give this heart a chance'

There's just nothing you can't do, is there, baby??

This is extremely impressive...the rhyme and meter is flawless...once again, you've nailed the task at hand...
ok, now that we have to make the door wider to fit your head through (I know, J, I know

)
LOVE YOU!!

k

I want to wake up to the sound of waves
crashing on a brand new day;
keep the memory of your face
but wipe the pain away...

CSKpoet
Senior Member

since 2002-07-12

Posts 845
Island in Paradise

11 posted 2002-07-23 11:25 PM

This is a wonderful piece and done in a form not easy to do well..
You quite accomplished your quest so take a few pats on your talented back and add a few yourself..You should be proud!

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius

since 2001-03-19

Posts 13631
West Coast

12 posted 2002-07-24 06:13 AM

ol spence' would be proud to hang a handle on this tune mark...well done.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

13 posted 2002-07-24 06:29 AM

OH my....

aw...c'mere baby!

Not ONLY do I get my sonnet? I get CONTENT with the form...gawd yer beautiful! (ahem...I mean, OUR sonnet, Jan, OF COURSE.

)

special whispers in perfect form...

Please sir, can I have more?

Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-21

Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song

14 posted 2002-07-24 07:39 AM

the_loner_23-Thank you

Enchantress-Thank you much. I am glad you liked it enough to keep.

Gentle Spirit-With desire, anything is possible.  Thank you, I am glad you enjoyed it.

Martie-If it reads like silk to you, then I am one happy cowboy.  Thank you dear friend.

Mistletoe Angel-I plan to make many more if nothing else other than to get better at them.  Thank you much.

mycafe-Awesome as I said will always work.  Thank you much.

Marge-Seems the shapes were easier but growth comes in many forms...we just have to be ready for the challenges.  Thank you very much.

chansondegeste-I am glad you found it so. Thank you.

Balladeer-And I thank you once again for taking the time to teach this cowboy how to speak.  Very much appreciated.

kris-I am getting a bigger hat?????????? Oh joy.......ahhhhhhhhhh wait a minute .... does this mean you get larger closets for the house?  Thanks sweetie.....I do what I can when I can (had some good help) and if you enjoyed it then..........well ya know.  Love ya also sweets.  NGTB

CSKpoet-Proud to say.....I'M DONE! LOL Thank you, you always leave such good comments. It is appreciated.

Dark Stranger-You say well done.......I say thank you.

serenity-hmmmmmmmmmm...more? Wasn't there something in the deal having to do with a 4 verse rhyme from you (abab/cdcd/efef/ghgh) in any meter you choose? Don't worry, I plan on having more ... but first must honor another promise from a long time ago. Thank you very much for the encouragement and the fact that you enjoyed the content as well as the construction makes me very happy indeed.

[This message has been edited by Mark Bohannan (07-24-2002 07:47 AM).]

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

15 posted 2002-07-24 10:25 AM

Abandoned tears in heart of innocence
Relate to times in golden days untamed
Between the kiss of passionate defense
As love awaits embraced resolve unclaimed

In hidden dreams this fear inside remained
Enraged with burn of ache without release
To dwell within a shallow wall unframed
Against all will to find the soul at peace

As sparks of hope burn low in this decrease
Amidst the winds of woe in hearts decay
To wisps in bonds of mesmerized increase
With flicks of flame in light of soft dismay
=============================

At long last---A sonnet from MC ...
I do so love when the moth gets her way

(hey-it dont happen very often)

I KNEW you would do this and do it so well once you set that steel trap mind of yours to it...with your gift of cadence that made an impress on me from first reads..I have always thought your pen was meant to do these, and the fact that you did it so effortlessly on the first try proves my point
One night of studing and one revision and you make it your own.
Not only in rhyme and meter...but so many poetically pretty phrases. I love the verbiage you chose to create your conflict..

Between the kiss of passionate defense
As love awaits embraced resolve unclaimed

In hidden dreams this fear inside remained
Enraged with burn of ache without release

As sparks of hope burn low in this decrease
Amidst the winds of woe in hearts decay
To wisps in bonds of mesmerized increase
With flicks of flame in light of soft dismay

How very lovely are those lines and wordage ...

and then...I love the inner alliteration phrases and subtle inner rhymes, that third verse is pure poetry in motion...

sparks of hope burn low
winds of woe
flicks of flame
of soft dismay

you didnt think I missed those did ya

very very cool MC ... Im very impressed and proud of you that your first effort is so well done..Im not surprised you did it so well...but I am loving it ... and of course..Im insatiable...so get started on my Shakespearian sonnet!!
and before you even say it-- NO ...I wont be writing one of my own...
one has to have a muse to write poetry.

Thank you for indulging the moth...love this side of your gifted pen.

How she loves me, I dont understand
If time wont change me, perhaps she can
And I feel her trying when were apart
God dont let me break her heart

[This message has been edited by Janet Marie (07-24-2002 10:26 AM).]

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

16 posted 2002-07-24 10:34 AM

Mark,
Spencers are to keep you warm and there isn't anything more warming than these lovely lines. You did it well.
Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown

CocoBaci
Member Elite

since 2000-05-06

Posts 3043

17 posted 2002-07-24 01:09 PM

In hidden dreams this fear inside remained
Enraged with burn of ache without release
To dwell within a shallow wall unframed
Against all will to find the soul at peace
This brought out gentle sighs...
Such beautiful expression Mark...
I must say this is a sweet favorite

so I shall treasure this in my library...
SmilesNhugs2uPoetFriend
*~coco~*

BloomingRose
Member Elite

since 2000-08-09

Posts 3092
Florida

18 posted 2002-07-24 02:26 PM

A beautiful sonnet written by the king of poetry!

Deb

sodpossom
Senior Member

since 2001-06-15

Posts 723
N.C

19 posted 2002-07-24 02:28 PM

Very lovely write!

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

20 posted 2002-07-24 03:09 PM

Mark,
Enjoyed the write and you do it well.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

21 posted 2002-07-24 04:02 PM

Through the Abandoned Tears,
the Waltz still plays...

well done, Cowboy...

rwood
Member Elite

since 2000-02-29

Posts 3793
Tennessee

22 posted 2002-07-24 04:35 PM

As sparks of hope burn low in this decrease
Amidst the winds of woe in hearts decay
To wisps in bonds of mesmerized increase
With flicks of flame in light of soft dismay

How very Spencerian of you!

First, your first is especially deep...almost surrendering in appeal and flow.

second,

To passions call delight will set this dance
As love is waltzed to give this heart a chance.

Nice to see how hope turns love out in a
dance. You learn fast! Beautifully done poet.

Sincerely,
Reg

Charisma

Member Ascendant

since 2000-09-30

Posts 5906
lost in blue pages

23 posted 2002-07-24 05:23 PM

Beautiful as always Mark, and even that I don't know much about sonnets, I think you have done a great job with this one.

(((Hugs))
Charisma

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

24 posted 2002-07-24 09:07 PM

Mark,

It's good to read your work once again. Excellent write, as you do...

BC

Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-21

Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song

25 posted 2002-07-26 02:49 AM

JM-Okay.....before I get to the real meaning of your reply...are ya trying to make me look cheap LOL.....you said"One night of studing"....wasn't there supposed to another letter in there?

or are ya just trying to make my life hard?

Anyway mothygirl.......I am glad you liked it and also your support meant much as well.  You also know that what it means to me to know that you look deeper into the words to find the real meaning and not just looking on the surface.  I always try to leave a little something to ponder but try to hide it below the surface......you have a unique way of finding that and I appreciate it and you.  Thanks girlie.

Kethry-Thank you much.  Your thoughts are always appreciated.

Coco-To know that you found it to be a sweet favorite and placed in your library honors me and I say thank you dearly.

Deb-The king of poetry.......no way....wouldn't want to be and could never be but I do thank you sincerely for your kindness and always making me feel special.

sodpossom-Thank you much.

Seymour-Thank you. Coming from someone of your talent means much.

Sunshine-Only the waltz of one.  Thank you.

Regina-Surrendering to it is the best way to feel it and then of course to write it.  Learn fast....well, took me two years to try...so not sure about that however I do thank you much.

Charisma-Don't worry......I don't know much either.

Thank you dearly.

Bill-Thank you much. Nice to see you around again as well.

Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite

since 2000-03-06

Posts 3733
Michigan

26 posted 2002-07-27 05:27 AM

So I'm a little late...butterflies don't
wear watches!

Gorgeous work my friend...you make me stand
back and shake my head ...such talent under
that pen of yours, you use it well and weave
the poetry that makes us wait with baited
breath for more.

Bravo!!!!....encore

Take care my friend

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

27 posted 2002-07-27 05:53 AM

Mark.....you learn quickly.....but of course
you did have some very worthy teachers...

Well done...

catalinamoon

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-03

Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone

28 posted 2002-07-27 04:38 PM

This is one of my favorite styles. And you did it so well.
Sandra

Tea Lady
Junior Member

since 2002-07-11

Posts 26

29 posted 2002-07-27 05:03 PM

I need to find the rules for sonnets at some point. I am not versed in these, but the amount of emotion within each line of this is outstanding. I read slowly, several times, with many pauses for thought.

That is a real tiger in the picture?? I did a double take.

[This message has been edited by Tea Lady (07-27-2002 05:05 PM).]

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

30 posted 2002-07-28 01:17 AM

In hidden dreams this fear inside remained
Enraged with burn of ache without release
To dwell within a shallow wall unframed
Against all will to find the soul at peace

First off, Mark...I read this when ya first posted it. Just was avoiding the rush in responding!!!! (Not much for crowds...lol)
I tried disciplined poetry a couple times in the workshop, embarrassed myself, so gave it up for Lent. But that verse...I so wish I could've written!

Sig strike in process...grab a sign and let's walk around in circles.

Pilgrimage
Member Elite

since 2001-12-04

Posts 3945
Texas, USA

31 posted 2002-07-28 01:47 AM

I love this form, and the emotion in this one did it justice.

Nan(Pilgrim variety)

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