Suthern had a few days off so she decided to
Head to Florida to meet with Pepper and Sy, too.
She knew, of course, by doing so and traveling down here
She'd also have the chance to meet our good ole Balladeer.

Well, she arrived and we all met - me, Pepper, Fran and Sy
And Isabel was there as well on this fourth of July.
We had a pleasant night - on Pepper's boat we took a ride
And, afterwards, when all was done she pulled me to the side.

She said,"I have to tell you. There is something you should know.
I've only known one man in life - the fellow known as Toe.
I thought that he was typical of all the other gents
But now that I have met you, I see such a difference!!!

You don't act like a silly clown. You don't act like a dunce.
We've been together three hours and you haven't farted once!
You don't make little noises in your throat when you eat food
And you don't belch and then announce the food was really good!

You haven't spilled things on yourself. I don't see any drool.
You don't spend half the night parading like some silly fool.
You don't draw faces in the mashed potatoes just for fun
And you don't butcher English every time you make a pun.

You don't scratch yourself in places that nobody wants to see
And, after having beer, you don't announce "I need to pee!"
You talked for hours without a curseword, never heard you brag.
You're nothing like that butt-scratch, belching, simpleton Toerag!!"

She kissed me lightly on the cheek and said, "I thank you, 'Deer.
There are some decent men out there. You've made that very clear.
No more will I accept a man whose manners make me gag.
I'll take the men like you and never settle for Toerag!