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Poetry Challenge!
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Parody Challenge ---- To His Koi Mistress
| Poetry Challenge! |
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Parody Challenge ---- To His Koi Mistress |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass 
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I wrote this first (God knows why, I must be nuts!) and decided that the best place for it would be here, as a challenge..... Take a well-known or even a classical poem, and write a parody of it, using as much of the original scan and rhyme as sense and modern taste will allow. Here's what I came up with, and a link to the original if you want to peek at it.... http://netpoets.com/classic/poems/043009.htm To His Koi Mistress Had you but words enough, and time And your scales a bit less slime, And feet of course, some way To walk and pass the livelong day We’d talk it over, side by side And cure your longing for the tide. But you do not, and yet I would Love you in park or sitzbath or in flood, And for your part you don’t refuse, Though if you spoke at all it would be news, And conversation might help love to grow-- Alas, in that you are a little slow. Your orange scales are worthy of some praise And goggle eyes out of your forehead gaze; Far better if you had a breast Or even two, and for the rest You're incomplete in every part And with some extras through the art Of DNA. Too bad, your chromosomal state Declares you have another fate, For at my back I clearly hear My dinner guests; the time is near When you upon a platter lie As guest of honor. Do not sigh, For you’ve no lungs. Your airsack round Can’t make the necessary sound. I’ve given up; though I did try, You’ll keep your wet virginity. Your lack of lips or hips or bust Gave me no focus for my lust, Nor was there any other private place: We do not match when we embrace, And you do smell of fish. Your hue Is something else I would undo, And will, for what transpires Will darken you. The charcoal fires Will warm you, and I may Nibble a bit for love’s sake on the way. And then with Cajun spices we’ll devour – You’re after all a carp, and in my power, And you’re a pretty fish, but after all, You aren’t the Cinderella at this ball. Our love has brought me too much strife; I’m heading north to a new life; I'll choose, under the midnight sun, A mistress from the salmon run. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> ______________Ratleader______________ [This message has been edited by Ratleader (08-22-2003 12:36 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Ed Ratledge - All Rights Reserved | |||
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Ed - what an awesome challenge and a tough one too . . . Ok gimme some time with this one . . . |
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Legion Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 54 |
They’re old one’s but do these qualify? A Darkling Poet (the thrush replies to Thomas Hardy) I perched above a coppice gate One bloody freezing day I felt a bit disconsolate My wife had flown away And great black clouds all gathered round Like someone burning tyres I wish that mankind had not found That knack for starting fires A poet stood beneath my tree Tom Hardy was his name So I chirped a soliloquy To ask of him his game " Oi Thomas find another gate to lean your arse upon I’m trying to attract a mate I lost me other one" The duffer then starts smiling up Some Cheshire cat gone mad Like he’d just found a golden cup He never knew he had I wished the stupid git would go And sling his bleeding hook But as I sang a song or two He wrote poems in his book Why didn’t he just go away The chicks were running scared That plonker poet was in the way Of me and my new bird Just then a fear began to grow His smile began to haunt Could Thomas Hardy somehow know Some secret that I don’t http://www.uchicago.edu/docs/millennium/chandler/poem2.html Rudyard Life If you can argue senseless things or nothing And still be wrong more often than you’re right; If you spend all your weekends window shopping Then talk about the things you failed to buy all night. If you work hard but have no spending money, Or have some money saved inside a garden shed yet know your only hope of milk and honey Is if some rich old Aunt you had dropped dead. If you start missing football practice Because you’re booked to have YOUR highlights done! If you find Baywatch re-runs entertaining And sit there praying Pam and co. will run; If you can’t burp without a pardon As easily as you thought you used to do Or shocked discover ‘House and Garden’ Instead of ‘Loaded’ in the toilet (once the loo). If you find ‘Yes dear’ easier than saying ‘no’ Yet cringe in case you get the answer wrong; If you dream of Public Houses– but scared to go Think saying ‘darling please’ may be too strong. If you believe that life can’t get more boring; That beds were never made for having fun; If your lover turns into a stranger snoring Then you will be a married man my son. http://www.kipling.org.uk/kip_fra.htm Parking the Car (after crossing the bar) Headline in the evening star My pager beeps for me! Another boys night at the bar I’m up in court at three. Though I am wrecked I can recall Quaffing quarts of foamy beer And a woman dancing round a pole Me joining in; a scream; a cheer; A siren (or perhaps a bell); Two policemen and a bruiser A black eye and a broken nose; The back seat of a cruiser. I see I’m late, that I must go To pay for damaging that bar But what I really need to know Is where I parked my car! http://netpoets.com/classic/poems/064007.htm |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Oh most definitely! Qualify and make my morning -- beautiful stuff there! 'Course, you know me and rules, they help you play the game, and part of the game is to bend and stretch 'em as far as they'll go..... ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
not sure I can do this..will contemplate between weeding breaks... I think I have done a parody before, but oh so long ago. But would be a nice challenge. M |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
These are too good... I'll think about this one, but methinks you've got me on this one, Ed. Enjoyed these offerings tho. |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
Ratleader, I was rummaging through rooms I hadn' been and I found this. Too funny with an underlying theme. I can't help cracking up, though I get the drift. Loved it! You made my day!!! Sadelite |
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