The trip continues.....

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So now I'm at my daughter's - one of two that's fully grown.
She has a husband, fancy house and daughter of her own.
Tomorrow is the 4-year old's first dance recital so
I'll be a grandpa until then and, when it's done, I'll go.

My daughter is immaculate...not one thing out of place
And anyone who messes up will feel a fall from grace.
I knew I was in trouble when I saw how neat things were
And, though a klutz by birth, I tried my best at pleasing her.

I put a bagel in the toaster for a breakfast snack
And, when I took the butter out, I had a heart attack!
The butter in the tub had been scraped out so perfectly
I was afraid to touch it to destroy its symmetry.

The sides had been scraped clean, not a butter speck in sight.
The pile left in the middle had been sculptured out just right.
The sides were very smooth. There was no knifemark anyplace.
She took that butter out the way a man would shave his face!

I did my best to scrape the butter out as best I could,
Thinking if I left a knifemark it would not be good.
Finally I spread it on the bagel, mind at ease,
Then it was time to do the same procedure for cream cheese.

The cream cheese wasn't manicured so it was easier.
Just stick knife in and take knife out. What mayhem could occur?
But when I'd spread the butter on, apparently, with ease
Some bagel seeds stuck to the knife and now were in the cheese!

Oh, no! This wouldn't do at all! They looked like giant stones!
If they were left imbedded there, I KNEW she'd break my bones!
So I kept digging till I got them all out...it was bad!
My daughter passed and said, "You like your cream cheese, don't you, dad?"

Well, I ate that darned bagel and I didn't leave a crumb
'Cause I may be a slob but I ain't gonna be THAT dumb!
I did, however, leave a ring from coffee overflow.
You need to use a saucer? How was I supposed to know???

So then it was the time for me to go and take a shower.
It had been quite traumatic and I'd just been there an hour!
So, eagerly, I exited to bathroom, happy boy,
With hopes that there was nothing in that room I could destroy.

Yes, folks, I KNOW the shower curtain goes on the inside!
But somehow it got on the outside and I almost cried.
The bathroom floor was flooded! There was water everywhere
And I wished I were small enough to vanish in thin air.

I got down on my hands and knees and toweled with all my might.
I'd wring it out and towel some more...it was an awful sight.
I couldn't use another towel - No, that would never do.
When one goes in to take a bath, you use one towel, not two.

So then I got hair dryer out and turned it on full blast.
It took some time but I was seeing solid floor at last.
My daughter passed the door and said, "What's going on in there?
I've heard the dryer for an hour. You don't have that much hair!!"

You know how when you try so hard to not do something wrong
You seem to mess up every little thing that comes along?
Well, that's the spot that I'm in now. I have the touch of Death
And everytime I make a move, I have to hold my breath!

So I have been here six hours now. I spilled a glass of Coke.
I left a stain with dirty soles - the roll dispenser broke.
My car left stains on driveway from the radiator hose
And I am trying hard to not spill foodstuffs on my clothes.

With luck, without calamity, I'll make it through two days
And find a way to throttle back my normal klutzy ways.
I'll say goodbyes as soon as I have watched granddaughter's show
And hope I don't drip oil on the driveway as I go!!!


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