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Open Poetry #20
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Not So Sweet
| Open Poetry #20 |
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Not So Sweet |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion 
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Not So Sweet The outpouring from your lips may soothe others as a satiating fountain, but upon my tongue your taste is metallic, tepid water from a well’s bottom. Your sweet scent may sail upon breezes - soft to bowing daisies, but as it drifts, a stench cuts through and causes me to retch. In my own desire to capture illusion, I almost drank from your muddy banks. Almost. © 2002 Corinne Bailey [This message has been edited by Corinne (05-29-2002 10:47 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Corinne - All Rights Reserved | |||
Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggsssssss) Oh Corinne, I can feel sadness behind thes ewords of tarnished love, sweet friend, my heart goes out to you and I hope now you quench a love that is sweet and pure like fresh water! (kiss on cheek) This is so very touching, sweet friend, I love it, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Corinne, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Ah, the mirage of the mirage... well done, Corinne... |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
Oh, now this I truly like...yep, even so...uh-huh. Very well written/stated, Corinne. jwesley |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
I'm sure glad you didn't say baby's bottom, even though that may actually be a sweeter smell than the one that offended your nose. As always, you offer unique, vivid imagery. I enjoyed the read. |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Corinne, love the metaphors... this could be a mirage as Karilea mentioned. OR....the true slam dunk of someone you truly do despise so well.... WELL DONE!... |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
Cor, enjoyed this piece |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Corinne! Powerful feelings expressed in this brief write. Sharp but right to the point! I could feel the anger and I think that's what you're trying to get across in this write! |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Thanks, everyone! Cor |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Be grateful for "almost"... you've wasted less time and have fewer regrets... Trust me, trying to kick your own rear isn't easy. *S* I suspect that those who deserve poems like this don't bother reading them... but you sure did write it well. *S* |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
You should NEVER drink the water gal....just fish from those muddy shores...ya never know what ya might hook....and if ya drink from the waters...ya may "catch" something you didn't want....and I don't mean fish either.....just think...if ya dive in too much and taste the water....ya could catch something really awful...like a Toerag.... |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
an excellent picutre here Cor. . . you make them ring true. . . always. . . ------------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
Whoa! I sense thorough dislike here. A well crafted piece to convey such disdain  Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write. |
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my3monkeytoes Member
since 2002-05-11
Posts 152In the Carolina Breeze |
...but upon my tongue, your taste is metallic, tepid water from a well's bottom. That is so descriptive, and makes me want to brush my teeth! Excellent writing! ~SM |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Thanks guys! Toe, catching you would not be such a bad thing, my dear! Cor |
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Logan Senior Member
since 2001-05-28
Posts 1641Arkansas |
Ahhh, Cor, hon. I always knew you were very smart. This just shows it well..Very nice write..very gentle smile |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Corinne~ You write this 'cut to the core' stuff so vividly~ WONDERFUL~ *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Thanks, Logan. Thanks, Marge. Two of my favorite people! Cor |
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