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Open Poetry #20
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Search For Closure
| Open Poetry #20 |
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Search For Closure |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada 
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On a worn out roll-a-way she sits, eyes ever moving, roaming the room, searching blank walls, blinking. I speak to enter her space. After regaining a lost trace of nerve the situation begins to ease. Proportionately, she eventually begins to settle. "You are truly my grandson?" she asks. I nod, recollecting how I'd found her. Time wistfully wastes away, our eyes locked. My scattered thoughts recall that, searching with lust, my wandering father had moved my mother and I was concieved If he were here, would he weep to see us in this rest home? Strangers..... I do pray the truth's discernable when she speaks. The role of poetry is to utter the un-utterable; to open up spaces of consciousness and resistance; to language oppressions; to re-language historie [This message has been edited by ethome (05-22-2002 04:21 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Eric Lewis True - All Rights Reserved | |||
NapalmsConstantlyConfused
since 2001-05-15
Posts 529 |
this is sad writing, but true - and the truth, ultimately, heals. great write. -Dave |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
This is excellent me "e"-- the construct kept simple and the word "just right" I'd have just done one thing differently...the title would have been "strangers"-- but? JUST ME. this is perfect poetry. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
I like the title. It actually ties up with the rounding at the end. The only thing i wonder is the last line - from personal experience, i take that as being concerned withher state of mind? I don't know... seemed a bit ambiguous, which is not necessarily a bad thing. Chris |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Thanks NCC I appreciate your comments. The truth may hurt sometimes but yes, it almost always heals somewhere along life's road full of twists and turns. Hey Celeste...thanks for the suggestion and for taking the time to read this. Always love to hear from you!! Chris....I guess you could say the ending is a bit ambiguous but it was meant to portray the image of painstakingly inquiring of the grandmother's mind to try and learn everything the writer could about a father he never knew. Yes, you're right, the writer's hoping that his grandmother is sound of mind enough to fill in some of the empty spaces. I thank you so much for the comments!! |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (tears fall down my cheeks) Oh Eric, this is soooooo heartbreaking, sweet friend, I surely hope this is fictionalized and not related to you, but if it is, my heart goes out to you, for no one should ever be denied or ignored or felt unloved by their mother or father! (big hugggssssss) My heart goes out to many who feel this and I hope they can all be reunited somehow, sweet friend, God Bless You, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Eric, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Eric, this is amazingly done I got such a sense of finding a heritage and a place for both. *Kiss on the picnic blanket  Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
eric, such a sincere searching write from your heart...very sad, but you write this so well such depth of emotion. take care. amy  "you can't stop |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Beautiful and very touching... I liked this very much. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Eric You took me not just to the scene, but into the heart of a search, waiting with you to know. This was heart-touching, my friend. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
"Time wistfully wastes away, our eyes locked." That is exactly how I would picture that scene. Great imagery, and a tenderly presented emotionally charged moment. |
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Soleil Noir Senior Member
since 2001-12-19
Posts 688USA |
Roots...how deep they go... |
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msflame Member
since 2002-05-21
Posts 188 |
a sad but true to life poem, as far as criticism, I would simply suggest lines more evenly placed. |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Very much liked the uniqueness of this style. And the images were very effective. |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Eric, a lovely read..though i interpreted the last line as meaning the author was only interested in hearing a truth he had assumed earlier...i love ambiguity! |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Man's eternal search for answers...James |
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Startime Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918Canada |
Stunning...as always your words have a way of touching my heart deeply....this one is no different...I felt it...thank you... |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Damn yr good.  She said burn ... together. |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
Eric...so now I know your name...the same as my late son's. This poem really provoked me....I read it 3 times. First with my eyes only second...with my mind and lastly, with my heart. I found that the third way...reading it with my heart, was the best way to read it. Thanks so much for sharing it with us. ~ just can't stop crying today hugsLyra |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Thank you Noah for your kind replies, your thoughts are always so kind and generously worded. Thanks for reading Keth and especially the kiss on the picnic blanket! Amy thanks for the depth of emotion words...I appreciate them so much! Suthern....I really like that name Suthern. Glad you could drop in and have a look. Martie you are such a sweet peach of a writer and I'm glad I could get you into the scene! Midnitesun....I'd really like to visit up there someday...The idea of the place just fascinates me. Thanks for the comments!! SN you're right roots do really go deep. msflame I thank you for your suggestion on the lines. I used to have them together more but I thought they emphasized the points better this way??? Duncan thanks for having a look through this perspective. Faterider....There's nothing wrong with a little ambiguity now and then, it stimulates! Thanks! James you're right it seems that ma's always searching for all the right answers. Startime....I haven't heard from you for a while, guess I've been away that's the problem but I sure enjoy it when I do hear from you. Thanks for the stunning word! Bsquirrel damn yr good too! Madame Chipmunk....How sweet of you to make your comments this way. I sure appreciated them......Everyone has a cry day once in a while, it cleans up the poisons in the mind. I wish you the best! I am so thankful for your heart and friendship! The role of poetry is to utter the un-utterable; to open up |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
Ah Eric you touch on something that in this day and age happens far too often. Kids grow up with no sense of family, and no sense of what it means to be part of something larger than just themselves. Isnt it sad to be a stranger to your own grandparent? Too not know how it was to sit at grandmas' table or fish with grandpa? |
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Greeneyes
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
Ethome~ .....amazing....my words would only fail me now.... Lauren~ I would rather have one breath of his hair, |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Ethome, this is a style and sense of self that I have not seen come from you before, and I am liking it very much... |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Eric, love this style from you... I feel there is a story to be told here. Very well done! ~Hugs~ ~Somewhere in my heart I'm always |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
ETHome~ You touch my tender and caress my thoughts~ Poignantly done~ *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Very touching. A sad subject, well done. Sandra PS Ticket to Paris sounds good |
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