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VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

0 posted 2002-05-18 03:30 PM

Finch Line

he made a finch line
that’s right
that’s what I said,
a finch line

gliding, flitting,
gingerly skirting his target,
dressed in brilliant gold
filled with hunger,
yet reasonably wary

it’s a cat house,
you know,
those fur laden creatures
walk about,
or gaze from behind the glass,
quivering lips and whiskers

eyes like demons
eager, waiting

he finally decides
“cat under glass?”
no threat!
goldfinch grin
from cheek to cheek
takes a peek,
picks a bit
spits the hull
beaks in for more,
spits and peeks around
eyes--within,
without
while swinging
the perch “fantastic!”

dining at
this sidewalk café’s
okay!

©May 18, 2002

tell me, please, I'm thinking a "finch line" as opposed to a bee line; though the finch is likely very hungry, he's not going to aim direcly for his target, unheeding of the surroundings, as a bee would

do you think I need to make that clear in the poem, part of me wants to, to be certain the reader gets it, part of me wants the reader to discern that, did any of you?

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

skyshine

Member Elite

since 2002-02-07

Posts 3058
Beneath the northern stars

1 posted 2002-05-18 03:34 PM

Very picturesque, Virginia. I enjoyed the phrasing of the finch line, although I didn't get it at first and it made me think of the phrase finish line. Either way, your poem is nicely done.

~sky

You look inside my wild mind
never knowing what you'll find
still I want you all the time
yeah I do
'cause you get me
~Michelle Branch

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

2 posted 2002-05-18 03:38 PM

Great line, no matter what! Another great line, "beaks in for more..."...perfect!

elfin_tigress
Member

since 2002-05-15

Posts 101
Someplace

3 posted 2002-05-18 03:39 PM

I think it'd be a good idea to put it into the poem, because I didn't quite understand that you meant it the way you said. At first I thought you meant an actual line, and it confused me a bit. Other than that, though, I think this is a good poem. It's very cute!

my3monkeytoes
Member

since 2002-05-11

Posts 152
In the Carolina Breeze

4 posted 2002-05-18 03:43 PM

That's amazing! After reading the first time...I didn't get it. Was thinking it was a "cat" eating something, but couldn't figure out what the heck "finch" was. I'm just not that clever! However, after reading your explanation and reading again...THIS IS BRILLIANT! I see it! Love: "...gliding, flitting, gingerly skirting his target". Love these 'chewey' reads, even if it is at a 'sidewalk cafe'.

~Sydney McLean

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

5 posted 2002-05-18 04:53 PM

VAS,
No problem, enjoyed

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