Doctors Dictionary of Phrases for the Contemplative Patients

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catalinamoon

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-03

Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone

0 posted 2002-05-16 10:56 AM

Not really a poem, but a lttle attempt at humor, with apologies to our own Doctor Love.

A Little Discomfort
(Severe Pain)

mild to moderate pain
(excrutiating think you may die pain)

I will take good care of you
(I will be nice to you until it is too late to
back out)

You can go home the same day
(You will be kicked out before you can stand up)

Have an adult with you for 24 hours
(Have a nurse with you for 72 hours)

I will keep you comfortable
(I will give you enough pain pills for 3 days and make you feel like an addict if you need more)

I am a good Doctor
(I am an egomaniac)

Call this number if you need anything after office hours
(Don't even thnk about calling this number)

You may resume normal light activities
(you may now sit up in bed)

Light exercise is fine
(you can now get out of bed without a helper)

See you all soon, this has been a rough week!

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

1 posted 2002-05-16 11:00 AM

(giggles in delight) Oh Sandra, this is soooo funny, sweet firend, does Doctor Love really have that edition among his collection? LOL! Just kidding! (kiss on cheek) We have all missed you so much, sweet friend, I hope everything has been going okay, you've been in my thoughts and prayers, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Sandra, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

2 posted 2002-05-16 11:00 AM

catalinamoon
Good write, enjoyed the read.

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

3 posted 2002-05-16 11:01 AM

hugsssss to cheer you up and hope you're out of pain soon

by the way I liked the humor *s
M

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

4 posted 2002-05-16 01:01 PM

Hey, Sandra. Back when I had my wisdom teeth out, my mouth swelled up as though I had mumps, and I could do nothing but ingest soft bread and Carnation (bleh!) followed by a chaser of pudding for almost a month. They really had to dig deep to get th' teeth out, 'cause I have such deep roots, so it took a looooong while to heal. In fact, I swear I woke up halfway through the operation with the dentist swearing and attacking my mouth with a pair of pliers -- but that could have been a hallucination.

Anyway, tho that's long past now, I know exactly how it is. The one that got me most (and was most funny to me):

You may resume normal light activities
(you may now sit up in bed)

Heh heh. Classic.

Take care.

Mike

She said burn ... together.
-TON

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius

since 2001-03-19

Posts 13631
West Coast

5 posted 2002-05-16 01:39 PM

you being a sissy?
dare ya to come slap me
cool write ms sandra
enjoyed it

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

6 posted 2002-05-16 01:44 PM

I prescribe a very tender hug and a butterfly kiss until sufficiently healed

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

7 posted 2002-05-16 01:49 PM

Ah Sandra, this is too funny but so very very true!
Nice to see here...now rest up so you can get back here fulltime.

*I love Dr. Love's prescription!*
~Healing Hugs~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

8 posted 2002-05-16 08:53 PM

Sleep well into the soft of night
upon thy bed of feathers light
Feel not the least of this pain
Lie still dear one, hear the rain.

The rain in fall upon the ground
shall bring to sleep from it's sound
and visions of knights in ride of thee
shall come in slumber's rest, you see.

Rest well Sandra, enjoyed the little
bit of humor....Pretty accurate, I might
add...thank you...

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

9 posted 2002-05-17 01:17 AM

I will keep you comfortable
(I will give you enough pain pills for 3 days and make you feel like an addict if you need more)

Sandra...This is hilarious! And of course, that was my favorite line. Really a great write!

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

10 posted 2002-05-17 05:27 AM

Sandra,
laughter really is the best medicine at least for us.

Funny write. Glad you're feeling better.
Keth

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-05

Posts 8296
Michigan

11 posted 2002-05-17 12:22 PM

What a fantastic bit of humor, Sandra...I hope you send this to your doc...or at least anonymously to the hospital.

My favorite was

You can go home the same day
(You will be kicked out before you can stand up)

After my biopsy, which turned out to be the removal of all the tumor which was visible, I was sent home with a bloody catheter still inside of me.
My surgery which was supposed to have been at noon, didn't happen until 4:30 and we didn't leave the hospital until almost 8 PM.

David took me out to the car in a wheelchair and I was so happy it was dark so that no one could see my bloody catheter...but it was so late that all of the doors were locked and we had to sneak out of a side door which was really difficult in a wheelchair...and it had the highest threshold I've ever seen...and it hurt so much to ride over that bump....and all the way back home from Ann Arbor about 100 miles away....I screamed at every single bump in the road. When we got home, poor David had to practically carry me to bed...where I stayed for 48 hours without moving.

And I loved the way they prescribed Vicodin for my pain when I told them I was allergic to it...it seems that if something makes you throw up, you aren't allergic to it....in order to be allergic to it, it has to give you a rash. If they want you to stay in bed, I wonder why they prescribe something that makes you throw up?

luckily, we had some Darvocet on hand, from the dentist!

I hope that you are feeling a bit better by now. I can really sympathize with you.

~healing hugs

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled" Gwendolyn Brooks

catalinamoon

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-03

Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone

12 posted 2002-05-17 12:39 PM

Thanks for all the fun thougts, everyone. I will be back to my old self soon.
Lyra, your experience was awful. I had about 40 miles to get home, but then a STEEP flight of stairs. Not easy. I think this new methdd of "caring" for people is sadly lacking.
I hope you are feeling well now. I'm just starting to sit up more than 10 minutes at a time.

Hugs

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