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Open Poetry #20

The Black Widow's Lair

Shadowed_Innersense
Junior Member

since 2001-12-05

Posts 49
somewhere at the edge

0 posted 2002-05-14 09:31 PM

There's an emptiness
a burning destruction
rampant fire
absorbing every breath of air

There is heaviness
a heart's reconstruction
unleashed desire
weighing me down, its cross I bare

I face loneliness
by the webs induction
wrapped in wire
tucked silently away with care

Then there's selfishness
a mind's misdirection
want in ire
but to hold only in despair

This, inside of me
my soul's introduction
as I tire
trapped within the black widow's lair

[This message has been edited by Shadowed_Innersense (05-15-2002 09:56 AM).]

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

1 posted 2002-05-15 03:10 AM

heavy poem here

Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

2 posted 2002-05-15 08:35 AM

1st stanza that’s:
a burning destruction

3rd stanza that’s:
I face loneliness

Now after this minor nit picking

I like the arrangement and the tone of it,
Could be a little tighter on meter, but that also is minor.
A good write, and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Just polish a little more.

Gloom

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

3 posted 2002-05-15 08:53 AM

Shadowed_Innersense
True to the name you picked. Enjoyed

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