She's a goddess (inspired by several thousand serenity poems)

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bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

0 posted 2002-05-14 01:23 PM

Here's a poem inspired by the love and confusion and just plain Wiccanness ( ) of serenity's potent poetry of awesomenosity. A poem to two awesomely strong women -- sen, and my girlfriend.

Mike

-She's a goddess-
Her eyes are greenest flame.
They hold the storm of heart.
They say go away as you come back
and come back as you go.

Her hands are warming marble,
the power of her touch.
Where she lingers music forms
and swirls out fragile notes.

Her hair is always long
and wearing summer leaves.
When winter comes, the styles change
and flowers grow like crowns.

Her lips are secrets kept
in smiles that have tasted tears;
they understand their can.
They understand their can't.

Her voice is songing chimes,
bells of stone in shade.
You could erect a church from it.
Worshipping her words.

Her love is like a cloak.
She wraps you in her verse.
She comforts you in draughts of thought.
She protects you till you leave her sky.

She clothes herself in wind.
She clothes herself in sea.
She clothes herself in rain.
She clothes herself in me.

She said burn ... together.
-TON

[This message has been edited by bsquirrel (05-14-2002 01:57 PM).]

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

1 posted 2002-05-14 01:37 PM

wonderful...so smooth

*s
M

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

2 posted 2002-05-14 04:12 PM

I once tried to figure out what Goddess she would have been (or is, for that matter). . . but, I've found that one isn't enough. . .

well done. . . love the play of light and shadow here. . .

-----------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-05

Posts 8296
Michigan

3 posted 2002-05-14 04:24 PM

An absolutely AWESOME poem, Mr.Squirrel.

~awesome hugs

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled" Gwendolyn Brooks

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

4 posted 2002-05-14 04:33 PM

Michael, this is just perfect!
Love the new pic too!
~Hugs, Nancy~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

5 posted 2002-05-14 05:09 PM

hey you...grinning from ear to ear...I had time for one poem and this is the one! You are adorable...and hey,

so now it's down to me and your girlfriend, eh? sigh...okay, I guess I'll have to arm wrestle her for ya!

Seriously tho, this is a beautiful poem, and I don't think anyone has ever written anything so lovely for me before. I'm going to treasure this forever. It's going in my library and printed up for my special book (remember that?) Thank you, lovie.

And I hope to come back to read more later!

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

6 posted 2002-05-14 07:22 PM

She clothes herself in wind.
She clothes herself in sea.
She clothes herself in rain.
She clothes herself in me.

I just love that image......very oft of you....great PIC too....

hugssss
Lauren~

I would rather have one breath of his hair,
one kiss of his mouth,
one touch of his hand
than an eternity without it.

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

7 posted 2002-05-14 07:32 PM

Y' sure you want to take 'er on in arm wrestling? She's got some claws on her!

Glad y' all enjoyed. It was a fun li'l write.

She said burn ... together.
-TON

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

8 posted 2002-05-14 07:50 PM

Wonderfully done sir!

devina
Member Elite

since 1999-10-28

Posts 3539
Cali

9 posted 2002-05-14 08:30 PM

they understand their can.
They understand their can't.

Exactly Mike, exactly...

Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

10 posted 2002-05-14 09:38 PM

Wonderful!!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

11 posted 2002-05-14 09:40 PM

Not only are you talented in spirit to try to capture a will-'o-the-wisp, but also extremely fortunate to have seen two...

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

12 posted 2002-05-15 01:29 AM

She said burn ... together.
-TON

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

13 posted 2002-05-15 10:05 AM

Her lips are secrets kept
in smiles that have tasted tears;
they understand their can.
They understand their can't.

Her voice is songing chimes,
bells of stone in shade.
You could erect a church from it.
Worshipping her words.

Her love is like a cloak.
She wraps you in her verse.
She comforts you in draughts of thought.
She protects you till you leave her sky.

===================================

yeppers, shes my goddess-girlie-girl

and she has inspired me many times with her
gift of rhymedivine and her gentle spirit.
Waay cool Mike

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

14 posted 2002-05-15 01:16 PM

Thanks, Mothy (?!) Slippers!

She said burn ... together.
-TON

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

15 posted 2002-05-16 04:35 PM

Her lips are secrets kept
in smiles that have tasted tears;
they understand their can.
They understand their can't.
...she clothes herself in me

Wow!! near perfection here. I can't think of a nicer tribute that anyone could recieve. I'm sure your girlfriend was thrilled by this one

Nice write!

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

16 posted 2002-05-16 04:59 PM

Glad y' enjoyed, hoot. Both ladies whom this poem is for liked it muchly.

She said burn ... together.
-TON

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

17 posted 2002-05-16 09:56 PM

hugging ME...
in a dance
of poetry
of love word
like swirling
stars a-light
in sky...
and like
a monsoon
crying dry
land
needs me..
I dance...

thank you mike.

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

18 posted 2002-05-16 10:09 PM

BSquirrel~
What a beauty ... your poetic thoughts undoubtly capture the spirit of your girl and Serenity ~
GREAT job, sir poet~
*Hugs*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

19 posted 2002-05-16 11:08 PM

Ah, Sen -- sounds like you want me to repost Serenity's Screen Dance, hm?

Just for you, I will ...

Marge, thanks for stopping in and reading the silly thoughts of a sillier squirrel. Always appreciated.

She said burn ... together.
-TON

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

20 posted 2002-05-16 11:18 PM

BRAVO!!! Oh my gosh, this is such a beautiful dedication, sweet friend, I know Karen must love this so much and will cherish this forever! (big hugggsssss) This is delightful, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Michael, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Rotts
New Member

since 2002-05-16

Posts 8
Pittburgh, Pa

21 posted 2002-05-16 11:21 PM

Howdy bsquirrel... As a fellow hopeless romantic I can fully relate to comparing the beauty of feminity to the natural beauties that hide in plain sight. And you've done well...

I particulary liked the comparison of green eyes to flame. It took a bit a moment for my mind to fully digest the idea, but it did slide down quite nicely.

The only thing that really strikes me as remotely ambiguous is in the fourth stanza. In it you say "Her hair is always long
and wearing summer leaves", which is an okay statement but goes against the preestablished grain of using metaphor to compare her beauty. Initially, I meant to suggest you compare her hair to "moss swinging in the breeze", however, I don't particularly like the color of moss...hence I suggest something like...

Her hair flows free
like strands of gold,
wearing summer leaves.

Thanks for the read....and I look forward to more.

Rotts...

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

22 posted 2002-05-16 11:31 PM

Hey Rotts. Thanks fr the suggestion. As even a brief perusal of any of mah stuff will show y', ambiguity is not only my constant companion, she's also my erstwhile lover.

See? Even my replies are ambiguous.

Thanks fr readin'!

She said burn ... together.
-TON

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

23 posted 2002-05-16 11:32 PM

Whoops! Almost missed yr response, Noah. Thanks for writin', readin' and enjoyin'!

She said burn ... together.
-TON

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

24 posted 2002-05-16 11:32 PM

Rotts?

sometimes? Hair just SEEMS always long...like you could stroke your hand down, through the down of her hair, and never find an ending to yourself...

oooh...LET'S WRITE A POEM?

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Here's a poem inspired by the love and confusion and just plain Wiccanness ( ) of serenity's potent poetry of awesomenosity. A poem to two awesomely strong women -- sen, and my girlfriend.Mike

Here's a poem inspired by the love and confusion and just plain Wiccanness ( ) of serenity's potent poetry of awesomenosity. A poem to two awesomely strong women -- sen, and my girlfriend.

Mike