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aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member

since 2001-09-20

Posts 1448
Universal Mind

0 posted 2002-04-10 01:21 PM

In a prairie where flowers bloom,
somehow I feel lonely.
Not a bird in miles,
nor a house close nearby-
I alone stand in a quiet village.

When snow falls, I should feel peace,
somehow my emotions are too flat.
Not sad, nor happy,
just not motivated.
I walk alone with numb feet.

Quiet wind walks with heavy boots,
somehow I think I'm deaf.
Not a word is uttered,
nor voice of nature is heard.
I alone observe quiet pastures.

//I'm trying describe depress. What do u think of the poem. Did I make any grammer mistake?

Eliza Simmons
~Flower lasts so an hour, yet spring will brings her back to life again.

[This message has been edited by aries_luv_ppl (04-10-2002 08:38 PM).]

Decaflame
Senior Member

since 2001-05-11

Posts 1635

1 posted 2002-04-10 01:49 PM

I like where you are taking us...here are a few suggestions for grammar alone:

In a prairie where flowers bloom,
somehow I feel lonely.
Not a bird in miles,
nor a house close nearby-
I alone stand in a quiet village.

When snow falls, I should feel peace,
somehow my emotions are too flat.
Not sad, nor happy,
just not motivated.
I walk alone with numb feet.

Quiet wind walks with heavy boots,
somehow I think I'm deaf.
Not a word is uttered,
nor voice of nature is heard.
I alone observe quiet pastures.

aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member

since 2001-09-20

Posts 1448
Universal Mind

2 posted 2002-04-10 02:01 PM

thanks Decaflame

Eliza Simmons
~Flower lasts so an hour, yet spring will brings her back to life again.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

3 posted 2002-04-10 04:51 PM

(sigh) This is indeed a depressing but wonderful poem, sweet friend, I hope this spring brings you great joy and that flowers will bloom and sparrows will sing in your heart with blessings! (big hugggsssss) We all love you so much, sweet friend, my heart goes out to you! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Eliza, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

4 posted 2002-04-10 04:54 PM

I think this describes both loneliness and depression...James

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