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Open Poetry #20
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a funeral in my mind
| Open Poetry #20 |
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a funeral in my mind |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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Between the lines the silence speaks as hesitation wrote a tome of dust and heavy leather. The question must remain unanswered I stood there gripping the phone unsteady then upon my feet as I felt the motion of swift descent— the unmistakable plunge of “let-down-gently”... The slap of mask of too polite… The lie of “let’s talk soon”... and with return of phone to cradle I flinched remembering that dance at dawn— I never noticed the sun in journey, East to West-- and the silence is a sun in set as now I write a funeral in my mind. |
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| © Copyright 2002 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
Auguste 
since 2000-02-16
Posts 3953By the sea |
Karen, this one really causes one to think. Nice writing, my friend. |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
those moments that you wonder I wonder what is the other wondering enjoyed you ms |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Serenity darling girl this is utterly outstanding writing. This is another example of how amazing your writing is. The power of your words is clear, the pain and the ache within flows through this amazing piece   Love and warm stuff As always Mushy  To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79 |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
We've all known these feelings. You bring them into high drama without being overly dramatic. How? I don't know. Yr special talent, ah suppose. |
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Lady In White
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799USA |
How I understand this, my friend... |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
you wrote us a journey and back again, all contained in a 'phone call' powerful write |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
I stood there gripping the phone unsteady then upon my feet as I felt the motion of swift descent— the unmistakable plunge of “let-down-gently”... serenity - man oh man, I have been in this awful place before!! Very well written. Chris Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away. |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
walking with the spirit. . . well done. . . ----------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
  (big hugggsssssss) Oh Karen, this is wonderful, sweet friend, this is a very overdramatic piece filled with emotion, sweet friend, I love it! (sigh) Your words are always amazing, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Karen, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Thanks all...and I really was not striving for drama--this was an exercize in remembering--what happened, how it happened, and trying to describe how it felt when it did. That's it! Smiles to you all, and I'm soon to be gone for the evening...so kissie kissie smooches...grin. |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
The silence was a sun in set... Great line, Enjoyed as always. Sandra |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
The lie of "let's talk soon"... and with return of phone to cradle I flinched remembering that dance at dawn I never noticed the sun in journey, East to West-- and the silence is a sun in set as now I write a funeral in my mind. ============================== quite a turn of phrase her KA...and yes drama....even if unintended..you made the reader feel the scene as well as see it...the phone almost becoming the weapon... the room a crime scene... very cool and effective writing me twin. smoochies back... so where ya going and what time are you picking me up?  |
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SmittenKitten Senior Member
since 2001-06-20
Posts 1131where the sky and horizon meet |
the silence speaks as hesitation wrote a tome of dust and heavy leather." "and the silence is a sun in set as now I write a funeral in my mind." Powerful powerful images....it started with a bang, carried on through, and then BAM, a resounding ending to boot. I hate to end things on notes like that...what an awful feeling it is. You've captured the scene perfectly...and called up the feelings too too well. *hugs* ~Krista Your beautiful words & creativity allow me to connect with the same in myself. |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
the unmistakable plunge of “let-down-gently”... The slap of mask of too polite… The lie of “let’s talk soon”... I don't think there is a person alive who hasn't been here... Beautiful work, Karen ~loving hugsLyra |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
Sweet Seren~ Fine writing hon, enjoyed readingthis very much ~HUGS~ Tracie Love is the life of the soul... |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
The question must remain unanswered I stood there gripping the phone unsteady then upon my feet as I felt the motion of swift descent— It's that feeling like when you top a hill too quickly and the tires actually leave the road for a second. I liked the feeling this gave of grief and solitude, where before there was...something real. |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
glad to know it wasn't MEANT as drama...would have been sending the quick email... enjoyed your wandering sis... Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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