I need your help. Please choose for me . . .

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Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

0 posted 2002-05-03 02:06 PM

Which do you prefer?If you don't like either, please share with me what "turns you off."
~*~
noctiphobia
blindly accepting your love
paralyzing fear
~~~~~~~
noctiphobia
blind acceptance with veiled eyes
yet I am afraid

After 1st two replies, how about:

~*~
noctiphobia
blindly accepting your love
and I am afraid
~*~

Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write.

[This message has been edited by Interloper (05-03-2002 02:16 PM).]

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

1 posted 2002-05-03 02:08 PM

(pontificates) Hmmmmmm...I really love them both, but if I had to choose one, I would say the second one is more effective in describing the word! (sigh) This is a very powerfully haunting senryu, sweet friend, your words always amaze me, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

2 posted 2002-05-03 02:08 PM

Interloper~

paralyzing--seems so permnant...I like the second one, it gives chances for movement....make sense? enjoyed...

Lauren~

I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings
Could I have been anyone other than me
True poems rest between the words
Just give hope a chance to float up

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

3 posted 2002-05-03 02:14 PM

How about:

~*~
noctiphobia
blindly accepting your love
and I am afraid
~*~

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

4 posted 2002-05-03 02:21 PM

Interloper - dear poet, I like this last one you have written the best. But, you know how I feel about practically everything and anything that you post. Chris

Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

5 posted 2002-05-03 02:39 PM

I don't like being afraid of love at all.
I think loving should just be not feared....but then that is me, lol and I am a dork, we all know that

I want a lovey dovey one from you with no fear, hows that?!

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

6 posted 2002-05-03 02:42 PM

How about all three as three stanzas? I enjoyed 'em all. Besides, it shows the graduation over time of this fear and paralysis in the poem.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

7 posted 2002-05-03 04:30 PM

Pleeease don't make me choose!

I love them all!

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

[This message has been edited by Enchantress (05-03-2002 04:32 PM).]

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

8 posted 2002-05-04 01:15 AM

noctiphobia
blindly accepting your love
and I am afraid

But I'd drop the and.

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

9 posted 2002-05-04 01:23 PM

I agree with Duncan....I think it adds to it
without the and....

Marsha

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-10

Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England

10 posted 2002-05-04 02:27 PM

Bob darling boy Oh my word they are all sooooooooo good if I had to chose I’d chose this

noctiphobia
blindly accepting your love
and I am afraid

except I’d change the end to I am not afraid

Just my personal opinion darling I love them all, you are one amazing senryu writer you know

Love and warm stuff
As always
Mushy

To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79

Ivy Rose
Senior Member

since 2001-12-29

Posts 1300
MA, USA

11 posted 2002-05-04 03:11 PM

Interloper...how about this?

noctiphobia
blindly accepting your love;
yet I am afraid

I agree with several others..."and" should be dropped. The basic premise of this poem is great. You know how to write effective, soul-stirring, Haikus. ***Ivy Rose

Muys
Member

since 2002-04-06

Posts 389
The Netherlands

12 posted 2002-05-04 04:12 PM

         Noctiphobia
   Blindly acepting your love
         I am afraid

   Dear i hope you can escape.
          Knuffel Muys
             Escape

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

13 posted 2002-05-04 05:07 PM

The third one...

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

14 posted 2002-05-04 05:21 PM

Not sure if I understand exactly what you wish to portray...I believe you are speaking of those that run from love or have a fear of love due to past unhappy experiences...I like number three the most...a few thoughts..

Blindly accepting your love
as fear sets in.

Blindly accepting your love
while fear takes over.

James

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

15 posted 2002-05-04 06:25 PM

In blindness, it seems,
I'm accepting love blindly,
maybe, 'tis God's will?

I can't help but like all the versions you offered.
But then,
my LOVE
is blind,
and I love
that God
let him see
through my mask,
and see my reality.

catalinamoon

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-03

Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone

16 posted 2002-05-04 09:31 PM

Bob, I think #2 is best, but as always, enjoyed ll. And I understand the fearful feeling.Good portrayal in all of them.
Sandra

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