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Open Poetry #20
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Break North
| Open Poetry #20 |
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Break North |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration 
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today’s realization, irony, and analogy… you’ll find semantics somewhere, I’m sure. Break North ©2002 C.G. Ward walked outside. it was only a few moments ago, but days have passed in the wasteland of understanding. and somehow it was bright, despite the darkness gathering ‘round. you know it’s habit when fingers flick to fire while thoughts reside on whispers from whiles and miles away. smoke curled over the clangor of steel clashing hardness in a silver rerun of five eons ago today. but that’s a different life, a hyperbolic memory buried beneath red rust and pewter fillings. and… I can’t think about it now. still, I could hear the iron buzz, another whisper of desperation calling to kindness in motions borne from the depths of helplessness. tell me - how could I not answer such a well-known implore? looking down at the dusty concrete I noticed it. upside down, on it’s back. a familiar pose of suppose a tangle of repose replete with discreet anticipation. there, black and gold, wrought with the familiarity of incomprehension lay a bumblebee. spindly legs beat the air blank with a frenzy of movement, charging the fates with anger and incomprehension. probably not the first time, I thought, probably not the last. bent, I charged regard to feel the pulse of inspiration bowed from the wings of dependence. I was fascinated, utterly. blinking away an instant of digression, I gently pushed at the frailness and righted it, for now at least. until again. a moment, then wings beat happily, curling around my feet like a month of joy before disregard; ignoring me, and hooking a right to break north. how could I not smile? seeing you in the shudder of freedom looking forward and forgetting behind as the premise of tomorrow calls you from my friendship and love, into the arms of open air. [This message has been edited by Christopher (05-02-2002 03:54 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 C.G. Ward - All Rights Reserved | |||
Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Christopher, Awesome metaphor! A simple moment of nature that gives such incredible opportunity for contemplation... Well done sir.  It's never too late to have a good childhood! Woohoo! |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
but days have passed in the wasteland of understanding. and somehow it was bright, despite the darkness gathering 'round. you know it's habit when fingers flick to fire while thoughts reside on whispers from whiles and miles away. =============================== rerun of five eons ago today. but that's a different life, a hyperbolic memory buried beneath red rust and pewter fillings. and I can't think about it now. ============================ bent, I charged regard to feel the pulse of inspiration bowed from the wings of dependence. I was fascinated, utterly. blinking away an instant of digression, I gently pushed at the frailness and righted it, for now at least. until again. a moment, then wings beat happily, curling around my feet like a month of joy before disregard; ignoring me, and hooking a right to break north. how could I not smile? seeing you in the shudder of freedom looking forward and forgetting behind ============================= Semantics?, I wouldnt know one if it reached out and slapped me...I'll leave that for the scholars and critics  but I do know when words and images make me feel things and leave a lasting impression. Amazing what a smoke break can do for inspiration anyone ever tell ya that yer a damn fine poet... even if ya dont rhyme   heh |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Meaning it as the highest compliment, let me just say this is in a style that is most pleasing to me. JThere is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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rwood Member Elite
since 2000-02-29
Posts 3793Tennessee |
I really love the way you see...and make me see and feel through your verse. Your word usage is beyond the scope of tangible. It grabs me and says.."yes".. Very enjoyable write. Sincerely, Reg |
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wandering glider Senior Member
since 2001-04-04
Posts 501aloft |
Enjoyable read ! \\ ~=====}: // [This message has been edited by wandering glider (05-02-2002 09:34 PM).] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Always enjoy what you write, I began to watch a bit open- mouthed as a memory evolved and my friend, you became my brother in motion and brought a day up from the past... for that, I thank you... |
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Greeneyes 
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
you know theres a word for you.... Poet indeed...and what poem this is....very touching, with all your words and meaning....nice Christopher~ Lauren~ ~Sinking fast into an ocean of you, what if I told you, what if I said that I love you do we dare cross that line between your heart and mine~ [This message has been edited by Greeneyes (05-03-2002 12:45 AM).] |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
A damn fine peam, rock... I love it when you write fiction... how 'bout this? I'll give YOU an lbl of this later... hugs, pot... ~shaking head~ you and your misery muse... |
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rosepetals25
since 2000-05-31
Posts 3076PA |
Chris, Thi is wonderful I enjoyed the read and will be back to read it again, probably a few times.Hugs, Tara "My heart is like an open book, for the whole world to read" |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Larry - Nature is the best for providing comtemplative moments. Thank you for your appreciation! JM - Semantics like in the underworld, and i rarely let them out... and then, only as demons on the prowl for sacrificial virgins (in very high demand these days due to extreme shortages). And your last statement should read: ESPECIALLY since you don't rhyme! Thank you moth.J - peace, and thank you for your indulgence - you are a true winner! (heh) Reg - Very enjoyable reply. Poetic in itself and promising in that i've made you feel. feel is good. thank you. WG - Thanks for the image... Kari - your reply touched me as well. you should write and tell me about your memory. hugs and thanks Lauren - Poet. Can i just be rich instead? Thank you for stopping by again. (see what i mean about patience?) *grin*Ocean Princess - danke. that you were able to see this outside 'that' and still like it tells me much about the poem and much about you - both very amazing, great things that bring a smile to my face on the opposite side of funk. hugs (should i be scared at the lbl?)  Thank you all Chris |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
how could I not smile? seeing you in the shudder of freedom looking forward and forgetting behind as the premise of tomorrow calls you from my friendship and love, into the arms of open air. Very, very nice, C!!! I should thank you for sharing these...I said to one previous, it was like a peek inside your head. I'm not sure what it is, but there is something different about these...less flash and glitter perhaps, but it IS more intimate...there I go, being a woman again. grin...It's as though you dropped a barrier. Sort of like you are writing NAKED...hmmm. Stop me!!!  |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
this one I enjoy...and not just because it has a bug in it! I like the comparison and the thoughts it spawns, some of which have little to do with your point, perhaps. One thought is why does one help others? Is it for the honest desire to help or is it for the gratitude that one hopes to receive? Of course with a bee, that's reaching. One would not expect a bee to give a peck on the cheek in gratitude. What about a dog? Could one hope for a face lick for freeing one from a trap...and would one feel disappointed if the dog simply ran off? What about a lover? Could, or would, one hope for at least an acknowledgement of gratitude for the action of setting one free and would it be disappointing to just see the freed lover walk away without a word, eager for the freedom given? Would that hurt, even though the relationship was over? Beats me but I think so. I'm reminded of the final scenes of Rainman, where Tom Cruise is saying goodbye to Raymond with a sentimental touch, speaking of all they had been through and Raymond, being autistic, simply ignores the goodbye and walks away, leaving Tom Cruise smiling and shaking his head. Things are simply what they are. At which point my mind was taken to a song in the sixties...The Snake, where a woman finds a frozen snake in the snow, takes it in, warms it and nurses it back to health. Once revived, the snake bites her. Knowing the snake is poisonous and she is going to die, she asks it how it could repay her kindness by killing her? The final lines of the song were.. "Oh, shut up, silly woman", said that reptile with a grin. "You knew darned well I was a snake before you brought me in." Which leads me to other thoughts....curse you, Christopher! I read one of your poems and it ties my mind up for a long time. Thanks a bunch! enjoyed the trip.... |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
that cursed song was in my head all day today! Thanks again  |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
damn, I'm speechless |
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helen smith Member
since 2001-03-12
Posts 240 |
I am still sitting many moments on enjoying and re feeling your brilliance..thank you |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Thank you, Helen....and what did you think of Christopher's poem? |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
but that’s a different life, a hyperbolic memory buried beneath red rust and pewter fillings. and… I can’t think about it now. Amazing, I'll come back to this many times. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
I'm in the droopy-eyed stage again...I had wanted to crit this tonight, right now - Wednesday night is looking good for it haha... We'll see eh? In the meantime...think of any favourable adjective to tide you over...it'll fit  K |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
And with a gentle push from a true lover's hand, (s)he's off to a new adventure. I smile at your gentle forcefulness. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Hi Chris To right a bee, almost something you could keep hugged into yourself, as the right thing to do..a random act of kindness..I loved this ending..and the rest was interesting, especially the first: "walked outside. it was only a few moments ago, but days have passed in the wasteland of understanding. and somehow it was bright, despite the darkness gathering ‘round." time is relevant to so many things, as is color and warmth. Your reference to "iron buzz" lost me, but didn't take away from my overall enjoyment of this poem. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
will get back to this a little later, i promise - until then, thank you all for the comments and support (even you mike, trying to take away my glory!  )C |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
ok, so a lot later. Midi-K - Less flash and glitter... more intimate... i agree. i think a barrier ahs dropped. rather, has been dropping. i think it's just finally showing. as far as writing naked... is there any other way? Mike - i want to thank you for all your responses (except the one trying to take away my genius! *wink*) The thought and consideration means much to me... as well as finding out how others related. I remeber that song, and can see 100% how this reminded you of it. Thank you again, for so much effort. passing shadows - thank you. feel free to talk. Helen - thank YOU for such a kind, flattering response. Duncan - good to see you again. K - still waiting... tap*tap*tap. Hugs Midnitesun - smiling at your description. gentle forcefulness. thank you. Martie - thanks for the warmth - "iron buzz" is one of those "personal" things i just included. i work in an industrial area, designing for a steel framing company. there are steel recyclers around, etc. so outside, you can hear all the "iron" noises. i just melded that thought with the one of the bee buzzing. Thanks all, peace Chris |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
I absolutely love this poem C. This is one of the best I've seen from you (thinking of your recent writing style that is...) This poem is elegant, searching, demanding. A sense of loss, yet benevolence. I can picture a smile, not wistful - more reflective. Now, suggestions: 'smoke curled over the clangor of steel clashing hardness in a silver rerun of five eons ago today. but that’s a different life, a hyperbolic memory buried beneath red rust and pewter fillings. and… I can’t think about it now.' If you change that - I will hunt you down... It's marvellous.'but days have passed in the wasteland of understanding.' You know, I suggest removing the 'of understanding' It's up to you - do you want to explain everything? (Ok, that's just silly...Mr Dense Writer) Hmmm...how to put it... Sometimes, it's just cool I think to leave images un-ofed. Heh. walked outside. it was only a few moments ago, but days have passed in the wasteland and somehow it was bright, despite the darkness gathering ‘round. In my op, leaving it as just 'the wasteland' is tight. Controlled. And somehow more poetic. 'you know it’s habit when fingers flick to fire while thoughts reside on whispers from whiles and miles away.' This is so whimsical..I like it - it's a nice contrast with the stanza above.. 'looking down at the dusty concrete I noticed it. upside down, on it’s back. a familiar pose of suppose a tangle of repose replete with discreet anticipation. there, black and gold, wrought with the familiarity of incomprehension lay a bumblebee.' This image is awesome hon. Just a few probs - the rhyme of suppose and repose. Blech. Honestly - pose, suppose and repose? Why? If I were you, I'd ditch the suppose line..somehow I feel like 'wrought' doesn't work either - contextually, but I can't quite put my finger on it.. 'spindly legs beat the air blank with a frenzy of movement, charging the fates with anger and incomprehension. probably not the first time, thought, probably not the last.' I think this section is possibly unnecessary, and the line about fate is far too dramatic... but that's just my preference.. structurally, I think it works.. Let me reiterate: 'curling around my feet like a month of joy' This line makes me droooooooool...wow. Yes, you get a WOW...(I want it..) and then as the poem moves into the metaphor...what can I say?...VERY well done C... K |
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