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Open Poetry #20
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The Consequence of Drifting
| Open Poetry #20 |
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The Consequence of Drifting |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration 
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Last one tonight. The Consequence of Drifting ©2002 C.G. Ward i am grateful for many things: the dance of your pupils, smiling as my fingers wound down the glistening curve of your cheek. the gift of laughter - it was so rare in those days, so rare - when the clouds of misperception would lift above the cost of interaction, and we would live, my god girl, we would live hanging by that moment, if just to share the blessing friendship shattered into shards when life would sneak up from behind like a past of inked-out remarks… still, in those moments, we would live. now, time flails at us. it is constant in the unraveling of communication - never a strong point anyway - then, we would beat at its doors, plummeting our minds into a whirlwind of effort, a cosmic clash of indomitable wills and crass humor. damn. it seems time won, so it feels. and yet, yet, I can bring the rounded pieces of selflessness to accept the consequence of drifting, the pain of you - gone. I can bleach out the crimson confusion and charge it argent with a fresh new coat of positive empathy. yes, I can love you. even in your indifference. |
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| © Copyright 2002 C.G. Ward - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
if just to share the blessing friendship shattered into shards when life would sneak up from behind like a past of inked-out remarks… ...damn. it seems time won,.... and okay, I know it's out of sequence, (but perhaps that was the problem, after all?) my god girl, we would live So much here C..."charge it argent" I love what you are doing with color, painting in words... I'll shaddup now. But know? This IS fine. |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Kissy Face...... I do love the way you write. The emotions consume me while reading  I had picked another part, but this: "and yet, yet, I can bring the rounded pieces of selflessness to accept the consequence of drifting, the pain of you - gone. I can bleach out the crimson confusion and charge it argent with a fresh new coat of positive empathy. yes, I can love you. even in your indifference" I relate to. excellent as always  |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Chris, A lovely literate write, enjoyed. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
It's nice to see you back amoung the living poets on the blue pages my friend...great write by the way |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
Empathy is good |
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Raz Member
since 2002-04-30
Posts 51Quebec, Canada |
Great title, good vocabulary. This was meant to be read aloud. Very grand style. -Raz |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
thanks all for your comments on my self-absorption... only wish i knew how to do it better. my misery-muse (as it was labelled by a cute [now]oregonian) sometimes rolls sevens, other times snake-eyes... this time, i think i just forgot where i put the dice  thanks all Chris |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
You know, last year I started to write some short poetry. Just a couple of verses - and I found that it was sometimes very effective. I've been critically eyeing this poem from every direction lol...and, what I see emerging..is a short poem. Argh..you might be saying...but, but wait! (I feel like all I am doing so far is to suggest bits to you to cut - ah well...what's that saying: c'est la vie? heh...) What if you were to revolutionise this piece...and cut out most of the middle, leaving the beginning, and the end. ie: i am grateful for many things: the dance of your pupils, smiling as my fingers wound down the glistening curve of your cheek. the gift of laughter - it was so rare in those days, so rare - when the clouds of misperception would lift above the cost of interaction, and we would live, my god girl, we would live hanging by that moment, if just to share the blessing friendship shattered into shards when life would sneak up from behind like a past of inked-out remarks… still, in those moments, we would live. I can bring the rounded pieces of selflessness to accept the consequence of drifting, the pain of you - gone. I can bleach out the crimson confusion and charge it argent with a fresh new coat of positive empathy. yes, I can love you. even in your indifference. ~~~~~ But what about my middle C says... I just feel that this technique makes this so much more immediate, powerful...there - in a reader's face. Without being overburdened by too many words. Whaddya think?? Go away K?? ~smiling~  K |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I am not critical anymore, left it all in college lit class...I read now with my heart and this one just touched me beyond what any words could express. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
thanks passing shadows - touching is good... well, unless they send you to jail for it!  *smile*K - never go away, just fo.  no, seriously, i can see the value in what you've said here... and it's possible, given the right mood, i might go back and fix this... more likely though, i will just pilfer some of the good lines and weave them into another poem. hugs youC |
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