Open Poetry #20 |
Condensation |
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
It rained yesterday A slow dripping wet You couldn’t avoid I watched from the window As drops made long slow streaks On panes edged with fog Wondering if you too Were aware of how we Like the spring shower Were grey I looked for rainbows To splash color across Eyes of hope Not willingly embracing the Cold shadow hues That line the clouds we are But… Held in the overcast and wind A darker reality of storms Pervaded leaving no room For reflections on brighter days When last night I felt for you, Found a leg to drape mine over, That allowed my touch For enough time to avoid being obvious Before pulling away This morning The rain was gone Its moisture replaced with a shower And you not quite hiding the fact You did not want me to see you naked When I brought the morning cup of coffee And knew I was the raindrop Disappearing in long streaks On the pains slightly fogged Wondering when I Would evaporate |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
but before the evaporation the sun put me to one more bit of good use and when it came out passed rays through that tear left of me there on your window pane I gave you one more rainbow before I dried up and was collected by the rays. [This message has been edited by Sunshine (04-09-2002 03:10 PM).] |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Ron It's hard to beat Sunshine's reply to your rainy day, except to say your poem shows the hurt in you even through the fogged up window. Hugs! |
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SmittenKitten Senior Member
since 2001-06-20
Posts 1131where the sky and horizon meet |
Ron~ Your poem struck a chord in me...your words are enough to induce tears. "wondering when I would evaporate".... Beautifully and so painfully expressed. hugs, ~Krista Your beautiful words & creativity allow me to connect with the same in myself. |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
this touches deeply and so sadly.... truly hope this is not a reality for you, but know it is for many.... |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
A super write my friend! My eyes effortlessly flowed down the page |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
When last night I felt for you, Found a leg to drape mine over, That allowed my touch For enough time to avoid being obvious Before pulling away ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Oh the ache and longing in this piece!! My gosh Ron! Will someone please give me a hug? ~Somewhere in my heart I'm always |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
When last night I felt for you, Found a leg to drape mine over, That allowed my touch For enough time to avoid being obvious Before pulling away This morning The rain was gone Its moisture replaced with a shower And you not quite hiding the fact You did not want me to see you naked When I brought the morning cup of coffee And knew I was the raindrop Disappearing in long streaks On the pains slightly fogged Wondering when I Would evaporate ============================== hey Capt...good to see you here...have missed your words of impact.. and this one........this one cuts like a knife.... as I poet I want to commend you on the theme and imagery and the way you worked this metaphor to poetic perfection...but its like complimenting someone on a bleeding wound. Needless to say...your wrote it till I feel it...sometimes sleeping alone is the same as not. |
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Zinsser Senior Member
since 2001-02-27
Posts 1641Calif. |
wonderfull write.... so very sad Connie |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
"And knew I was the raindrop Disappearing in long streaks On the pains slightly fogged Wondering when I Would evaporate (big hugggssssss) Such sadness fills your words, sweet friend, I hope everything is OK and now the rainbow reflects your tears with warmth of loves presence! (sigh) This is very powerful, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Ron, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
i have started saving your poems to disk, these are too powerful to let them slide off into another archived forum....wonderful write |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
CPat - this is excellent - I can feel the words still. |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
a big sigh of feeling here... and a hug to you C M |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
worth the read - thanks |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
love fades soometimes...it's sad |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Beautifully written, Cpat... with flawless metaphor. This leaves an incredible sadness... a new day drying up all remaining hope. I like it very much... as well as Sunshine's response. *S* |
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