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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Open Poetry #20 |
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Hammer of Time |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration 
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Hammer of Time ©2002 C.G. Ward ’where will I be when I stop wondering why…’ oh, time fades love, time fades. it forges a mind in an inferno of resolution, flaying the choicest morsels of sharing until they’re tempered by the heat - of a chilling stare that said goodbye. wielding the hammer of time, your memory strikes away - rebounding from the unformed mass that used to be my misunderstanding. -clang, clang, clang – each stroke molds a new realization, chamfering the charred edges so that the rasping of your smile can hone this affliction into hope. nightly you toil, compressing remembrance with the skill of an aged blacksmith until the layers of division are almost - not quite, but almost – invisible. then one day, your work is done. you’ve plunged me into a wash of purging, sharpened, smoothed, and sheathed me into a scabbard bejeweled with the illusion of impervious solitude. ‘til now, as I find myself passed into another’s hands – I wonder: if I could chase down tomorrow’s fires to retrieve a glimpse of redemption, would you have me sparkle like that, again? or would this form of prescience reduce the embers of acidic memory to a taste of something sweeter, something more approaching regret – as opposed to the ashes of your apathy? [This message has been edited by Christopher (04-30-2002 03:48 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 C.G. Ward - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Your style is striking. Well written work, in a deep and ebony velvet. ThisDiamond |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
funny...the first thought that came to mind after reading this was "Love is a double-edged sword" which may have nothing to do with the point you are making...or everything. I know that we shape and are shaped by those we love. Would someone want a previous lover they had shaped and sharpened into what they wanted still want that lover to retain what they had given him or her after they had passed on to another? Sadly...not normally...which also may or not have anything to do with what you are saying but it's what it says to me and that's why I enjoy your work...it paints thoughts in my mind..sometimes mine...sometimes yours...but always thoughts.  |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Oblivion doesn't suit you...get back up there!!  |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
Interesting write  |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
ThisDiamond: Thank you for the compliment. Mike: You came darn close to what my intent was (i think i like yours even better lol) I had in mind the forging and tempering of a sword, later placed in a scabbard, and passed on to someone else. And along the same lines as how you said - those around us [help] form us... and we sometimes end up with elsewhere... i was thinking more along the lines of growth though, as opposed to the thoughts of being upset about [you] being formed by the person before (which i really liked btw)... and how we can see that chain of events. Thanks for the input, you made me think as well! Also, thank you for the lift. Interloper - Thank you C [This message has been edited by Christopher (04-30-2002 01:19 PM).] |
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Greeneyes 
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
Time can do that, fade love, yet we insist on looking back, for the reasons and the whys....sometimes, the fading is what hurts the most, just keeping a memory alive...it can be hard to do..it takes much effort..because in the end, time will fade that out too....for some of us any way..( I, myself, I am trying to fade a few...)..this is brilliant.... I ramble a lot…sorry… Peace--Lauren~ ~Sinking fast into |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Your verbiage was wonderful until the very last word, and somehow, disinterest does not amuse or delight me...I would think the word "apathy" would have been better suited, but as you have done with me, I leave it to your own, just my wish to see it twisted as well at the end as you did at the beginning and throughout... Mom |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
lauren - sighing here. no matter what i read from you - responses, poetry, whatever, i hear this soft, gentle hush, a calm soothing. thank you very much. mom - AWESOME! perfect word for the ending - not only does it fit, but it also satisfys my love for alliteration!!! thank you for that! C |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Here I am at last...only a couple of weeks later lol..(even the 'bad' ones don't get to escape...) My response to this one was varied in thought..for instance, I think you use far too many adjectives..it's a busy poem, where it has the potential to be...fluid, smooth, concise. This is like a verbal slap in the face  One part I really like... ‘til now, as I find myself passed into another’s hands – I wonder: if I could chase down tomorrow’s fires to retrieve a glimpse of redemption, would you have me sparkle like that, again? I'm not sure why exactly, something about the tone, the style - it gelled with me. I agree with Kari's suggestion on apathy...although that's so long ago I'm not sure I remember what it originally was haha..but apathy sounds good, and suits the poem. Maybe you remember me saying this reminded me of Terry Goodkind? This in particular did so: wielding the hammer of time, your memory strikes away - rebounding from the unformed mass that used to be my misunderstanding. -clang, clang, clang – each stroke molds a new realization, chamfering the charred edges so that the rasping of your smile can hone this affliction into hope. There's something...outside of yourself in this. Like fate almost...something beyond your control... Why don't you work on this? Reduce the adjectives...make it cleaner? I'd like to see it become something...more.  K |
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