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Open Poetry #25
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Cooder's Motel & Diner
| Open Poetry #25 |
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Cooder's Motel & Diner |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
I came to in the bed of Jake’s truck, parked behind what turned out to be Cooder’s Motel. I didn’t know if the headache was due more to tequila or the several thousand times my head must’ve bounced off the truck bed during last nights drive. Stepping down easy and dipping my hat over my eyes low as I could, I walked around to the front of the motel, wondering which room the worm spiker might be snoring in. Cooder’s Diner sat off to the side of the motel. The smell of frying catfish moseyed through the afternoon and I was suddenly hungry. Thinking Cooder’s as good a place as any to wait for Jake, I went in, ordered the special and a beer and took a look around at the locals. I didn’t have a clue where I’d woken up but I had a pretty good idea where we were heading. I was on my third beer and second plate of catfish and fries, when Jake walked in, looking animated, if not rested, a tall, sulky woman on his arm. They took the seats across from me and Jake introduced her as ‘Dallas’. ‘She’s going to ride along with us.’ ‘That’ll improve the scenery’, I smiled glad for the company. ‘Ya’ll ready then? I’ll drink, Jake can drive.’ ‘An’ Dallas can tell us a story.’ ‘You like worms Dallas? I got a great worm story…’ I ducked as Jake swung his hat and ran towards the truck. ‘Race ya’, I yelled, not looking back knowing his breath was right behind me. It was a perfect summer day. We rode for hours, listening to air, and Dallas humming absently. I wondered if Jake noticed how calm it seemed. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
You go chasing worm stories and I think I'm going to have to pull out my Carlos Castenada and brush up on Yaqui lore.... I could see this one Duncan... and to me..that is the mark of good... the small bits of humor stuck in the serious and an undertone in it all that not only draws the reader to want the next one, but to actually care about the characters... you have talent... and if you aren't writing that book..might think seriously about starting it. Keep the character alive...and let just enough of the insight in to give him depth... and enough out...that the readder can draw their own mystery around him.... you are doing both... good stuff... now... sure hope you have a story line in your head...and are heading someplace... if you aren't..I am going to kick your hiney all over indiana... If I have to hire Guido to do it. |
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the_loner_23 Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479Jacksonville, Florida, USA |
I love these stories written in the form of a poem. They totally rock. Cold hands means a warm heart |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
'sure hope you have a story line in your head...and are heading someplace... ' I seem to keep going off on these tangents, trying to find a voice for this. Then today (about the time I gave up looking for my right brain), I remembered the voice I'd started the storyline with. All that to say, I'm getting there....  ! |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
yeah..this is the voice Duncan... and yes... there are some tangents in the stories being told here...but they are also the writers way of finding their own voice and separating the charcter from the voice that Iambe set all those moons ago... all the characters..yours..sunshines..janets.. are evolving and gaining depth. they now... stand alone as well as together, meaning they have evolved into yours... your voices..your story lines... your tales of insight and amusement... does me good...and in truth makes me proud... each time you guys write one of these... you all do it with class...and style...and talent... surpassing what started and offering now... pieces of heart and bone... you're doing good... and I have no doubts about the voice..or about the story line... and if you get stuck..( laughing) I can always send Guido to pay you a visit...and kick your muse into gear... by the way.... the voice...it comes from your soul bud..and from your heart... you hide them from the words or get scared to write them...you'll lose it... not that you won't find it again or time to time... but you have to find it and feel it when you tell it... or it lays as flat on the page as roadkill... [This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (02-27-2003 07:01 PM).] |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Hey Duncan..this is exceptional.. and that Captain Hair...sure gives us all good lessons in writing, with his replies. You've come a long way in your storytelling and this one really nails it.. Good stuff m'friend. ~Hugs~ ~ Trace my body with your words.. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Nancy... I don't know enough to give lessons..and.. I talk too much sometimes.. when I go back and read what I wrote it all sounds like I am being some sort of know it all or pretentious...and believe me..I neither know it all..or feel like I do... I probably should apologize to everyone right here for giving advice I'm not qualified to give. [This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (02-27-2003 07:13 PM).] |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
I was on my third beer and second plate of catfish and fries, when Jake walked in, looking animated, if not rested, a tall, sulky woman on his arm. They took the seats across from me and Jake introduced her as ‘Dallas’. ‘She’s going to ride along with us.’ ‘That’ll improve the scenery’, I smiled glad for the company. ‘Ya’ll ready then? I’ll drink, Jake can drive.’ ‘An’ Dallas can tell us a story.’ ‘You like worms Dallas? I got a great worm story…’ I ducked as Jake swung his hat and ran towards the truck. ‘Race ya’, I yelled, not looking back knowing his breath was right behind me. It was a perfect summer day. We rode for hours, listening to air, and Dallas humming absently. I wondered if Jake noticed how calm it seemed. ============================== Jake???? Who the heck is Jake LMAO  Redeemed is not the right word... Magnetism.... yes..thats the word I was looking for...got the reader drawn in .... hook line and sinker on that damn worm  roflCapt.. no one thinks your replies read like that...you've inspired so many of us that we know the sincerety of your intent... please...teach on  |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Nancy...Thank you. This one felt right. Love it when that happens... Ron...Be humble on your own thread and don't even think about editing your response....I'm framing it!!! LMAO |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Jams...Your praise is graciously accepted! (and well deserved... ) |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Duncan.. you should never tell me to not do something bud.. ( laughing) the stubborn streak in me right now is fighting so hard to go edot those comments you wouldn't believe it...and just leave you big smiley face in each one... but... I meant what I said about this being good... and I said the other stuff from someplace deeper in me than my stubborn..so you win this one... I'll not edit them... Until tomorrow... then... they are gone....  |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Ron...Edit the response and I'll edit the poem... All I'm trying to say...is thank you for the inspiration and the occasional roadsign, however unintentional. |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
(smiles) Yeah, let's go fishin'! (big hugggssss) Think we all have a good idea where he is going, well, somewhat! (sigh) This is excellent, sweet friend, you and everyone are amazing on this, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Duncan, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Well Duncan, it looks like you were leaning to your left just enough... So...all the things Cap'n said... and all the things JM laughed at... and all the things that may go unsaid... yea yea yea I know... batter up. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
chuckling.... Dunc... you win.. and I thank you for the kind words... I know what you were saying... and appreciate it.. this ornery stubborn streak in me..well.. sometimes it just acts out like I was 12 or something |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Consider yourself tagged Konnieboy. And take my advice...skip the worm! |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Great story-telling, Duncan! |
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