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Open Poetry #25
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Fanatic
| Open Poetry #25 |
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Fanatic |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass 
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Fanatic Marooned on a voyage of discovery, he still curses the fate that stranded him, the sea, the farther shore, curses and pretends this sere atoll is all the world. Some day he will stone the boat that comes to save him, hide from the sailors, dive and swim beyond the reef, and laughing, curse again as they fail, lose hope and sail away, then paddle back to shore, marooned. [This message has been edited by Ratleader (02-25-2003 11:23 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Ed Ratledge - All Rights Reserved | |||
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the_loner_23 Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479Jacksonville, Florida, USA |
Me likes this.  Cold hands means a warm heart |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
yep Ed...seems like this is true of a lot of things. Enjoyed the insight and the smile.  |
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Minister Joe Member
since 2003-02-22
Posts 78TX, USA |
Ed, Coolies--another one. (hehe) I do love what you did with the formatting of this... it rises and settles again almost like a wave. You've done something very ineresting here (whether or not you're aware of it) with your syllabic stressors... they almost are all laying at the end of each word--with a softer accent on the first syllable of the next. What this does is build up sort of a lilting cadence to your lines... each stronger ending fading into the softer beginning... and when read out loud--is rythmic, almost like waves. Also--I do like the cyclical nature of this piece... starting marooned, fighting... losing--ending back up on the shore--marooned. If I could point out anything, in this line: that comes to rescue him You break that cadence that you've got going on here... I think it's the "that"--perhaps, "coming"? Again--you have really a terrific natural sense of how to make a poem work. What a wonderful read Ed, Thank you very much indeedy. --Matt Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think. |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Right again, Rev. -- and if I change "rescue" to something like "save," I keep the metric structure intact. I going make da change, see wat it look like. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
excellent write oh furry one |
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ecrivan Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923my own state |
nice circular poetic reminder of "Lord of the Flies" and neat format in the shape of a boat's wake, mate  [This message has been edited by ecrivan (02-26-2003 12:47 AM).] |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Sounds a bit like a guy that lives in a shack, somewhere near a fickle river. Ed "The shortest distance between two points is.....sometimes intolerable" |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Yeah, "Lord 'o the Flies," or more aptly maybe "Pincher Martin"..... Basically trying to create a metaphor for what a fanatic is.... gets half way on his voyage of discovery, and stranded on a little circle (atoll) of thought that he'll never leave....never reach the enlightenment he was after, but convincing himself that he has, and willing to die in isolation to prove it. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
very strong write |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Es, Enjoying your poetry greatly. I especially like your comments and those of some others. Great teachers, all of you who take time to point out certain aspects. I appreciate it and may not apply it yet, but I'm learning much. Thanks Ed, I enjoyed this greatly. Wonderful talent; glad you're with us. Hugs, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
point taken. nice rant, and poetic. -majnu |
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Thomas119gold Senior Member
since 2002-06-03
Posts 708Biloxi, MS (city by the sea) |
LOL enjoyed this and the comments that followed Thomas |
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