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Open Poetry #25

Mocking Cigarette

brian sites
Senior Member

since 2002-06-25

Posts 1475
usa

0 posted 2003-04-08 03:16 AM

    tired
eyelashes become prison bars
  and my cigarette
      becomes a
    campfire blossoming
     in the distance
      -- my tribe in the desert

and I am wandering
    out in the cold coyote dark
a yearn that dares not bark
  for fear of dreams
    broken
           for old cattle skulls
     found yards from a water hole

the night suffocates
          as
       the moon
          teases
      hinting at rhapsody
  and a spark rises
     from the far-off snapping
          of the dry
           mocking wood
                     of my cigarette

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

1 posted 2003-04-08 04:11 AM

wow nice imagrey (sp) great style. woderful work dear keep it up!!!!
robin

i am who i am and that's all that i am and all i shall ever be and if you don't like who i am then leave!

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

2 posted 2003-04-08 04:52 AM

whoa! i love this!
"eyelashes become prison bars"...wow!

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

3 posted 2003-04-08 07:16 AM

nice work Brian.. the imagery clear and it snaps itself as well as the reader to attention..

I enjoyed

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

4 posted 2003-04-08 09:45 AM

You write as a shaman.

This is gorgeous, felt like I followed your thoughts like following footprints in the snow. Remarkable writing....mmmmmmmmmmmme swoons.

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

5 posted 2003-04-08 09:10 PM

Exellent write. Not what I would expect...Different for you.

A voice with less gravel, more grit.

brian sites
Senior Member

since 2002-06-25

Posts 1475
usa

6 posted 2003-04-09 02:48 AM

thanks all

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

7 posted 2003-04-09 03:34 AM

Brian - I could hear that snapping . . . this is amazing . . . xxoo

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