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Open Poetry #25
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Wartime Religion (edited version)
| Open Poetry #25 |
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Wartime Religion (edited version) |
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Ringo 
since 2003-02-20
Posts 3684Saluting with misty eyes 
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Gunny says to stand ready They should be around here somewhere Oh, wait, there they... What was that?? Oh, G-d, they're shooting... "Our Father who art in..." Fire your weapon idiot... Got one!! "Hallowed be Thy..." Artillery, man, that was close "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done..." Man, I don't think He wanted this "On Earth as it is in Heaven..." Yeah, they ain't shootin' my ass in Heaven Oh, G-d... they got the guys pinned down Where's the Leiutenant? "Give us this day..." Where's my grenade? Where the ... Oh, there it is Let's see, Thumb clip... pull pin... "And forgive us our trespasses as..." I gotta get that machine gun The guys don't stand a chance Ok.. get a new magazine in... "For Thine is the Kingdom, the..." OK, G-d... it's You and me buddy Over the top "Now and at the hour..." Oh, no... Corpsman!!! Corpsman up!!! Man, that hurts... I don't want a Purple Heart that bad "Hail Mary, full of Grace..." I don't want to die Where's Doc?? Oh, G-d, where's Doc?? "And Blessed..." There's Cpl. Jones... He says I did good... Screw him, where's the Corpsman??? I never noticed the sky was that blue "Holy Mary, Mother of G-d... Pray for us sinners Now and at the Hour of our Death" Please, G-d, I don't want to die... The Moderators removed the original to the Insights forum due to the profanity.Anyone wishing to see the original should go there. I sincerely apologize to anyone that might have been offended. I guess I should read the rules next time, huh?? ~You might say I'm a Dreamer, but I'm not the only one... |
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| © Copyright 2003 Bradly Stott - All Rights Reserved | |||
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Ringo - this gave me the chills - you had me right there in the bush - the LZ - in the [Edited by Moderator] - nice job combining the two - this is one of my favorites - and I will go see the other too - I think this one probably needed a few swears *wink* xxoo [This message has been edited by Sunshine (03-21-2003 11:58 AM).] |
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WhiteRose Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208somebody's dungeon |
Ringo, It happens to the best of us. In our exuberance we slip and post an expletive. I read the original, and it loses nothing in the edit. This is a very strong piece that tears at the heart. |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
You lost nothing in removing the profanity. It is still has impact and powerful images. A phenomenally strong piece of writing! Two thumbs up! Peace & Light, Earth Angel |
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KristieSue
since 2003-01-31
Posts 1460PA, US |
I will vote becausee I think, no matter what, this is profound. But, I DO think it lost its affect w/o profanity. There is a time and a place for everything, and I think this was one of them. Great job though... |
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kayjay Member Elite
since 2002-06-24
Posts 2015Oregon |
The true feel of combat is never like the movies. Well written!! Ken J Through rubble and trouble and dark of night |
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Brad Majors
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647Georgia |
I undestand the mod position since thsi is the family part of the site but I ahve seen both and I feel the basic gst remains with or without the profanity |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggssssssss) Oh Bradly, I would hate to get involved in that religion, dearest friend, out there it is a whole different language that many never understand! (sad sigh) This is powerful, dearest friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Bradly, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
I won't go read the other one, cause who knows? I might get offended. I really like this one, it's realistic, life-like, gutsy and powerful. Well done. Nan (Pilgrim variety) |
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Jason Lyle Senior Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 1438With my darkling |
Liked it in mature, and like it here.Good work. Jason |
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SPIRIT Senior Member
since 2002-12-29
Posts 1745California Desert |
Brilliant write, very well done. |
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SPIRIT Senior Member
since 2002-12-29
Posts 1745California Desert |
I feel the need to bump this. |
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