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Effigy
Member

since 2000-04-11

Posts 486
disbelief

0 posted 2003-02-17 05:54 PM

TURN IT OFF!
            "I can't,"
                     -speaking only to myself.

Where is the switch?
            (I don't know).

How do I trip the breaker?
            (can't tell you).

Why the hell not?
            (don't know).

Can you stop feeling?
            - make me numb.
            - slow the sensation

It's in my mind,
can't I make it stop?

Flip the switch,
trip the breaker,
just make it cease.

            - Pause?
            - Rewind?
      Do it all over again.

Bound together
solid rings
love/pain
happiness/hate

It's all in the past
or present.
            -still in my head.

Flip the switch
trip the breaker
emotional suicide.

[This message has been edited by Effigy (02-17-2003 05:58 PM).]

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

1 posted 2003-02-17 05:59 PM

my friend when you find the way..the place..
let us all know would you... there are times it would truly help...

enjoyed the write... and the thoughts

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

2 posted 2003-02-17 06:17 PM

This is a great write.

Cold hands means a warm heart

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

3 posted 2003-02-17 09:00 PM

kind of disturbing
but good

Albert J. Allie
Senior Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 512
Queens NY

4 posted 2003-02-17 10:51 PM

I agree it WAS disturbing but hey...we are all no different.
GREAT STUFF!!!

Effigy
Member

since 2000-04-11

Posts 486
disbelief

5 posted 2003-02-18 09:08 AM

thanks...I guess.

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

6 posted 2003-02-18 09:15 AM

Ah, yes! It's the "Stop the world, I wanna get off!" syndrome.

Very well said for when the intense feelings of pain, sorrow, fear, vulnerability stay too long. We wish we could turn it off until it is over, then turn it on when it has passed. You've written the cry in an unique way with very powerful words and intensity.

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

7 posted 2003-02-18 12:31 PM

I've been there too

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

8 posted 2004-05-02 07:31 PM

forne_marin
Member

since 2004-04-13

Posts 140
Spartanburg, South Carolina

9 posted 2004-05-14 09:59 AM

This is an interesting piece, and I enjoyed it. Again, your use of parenthesis inside the peice makes for a very effective voice.

The only thing I didn't like was the last line. I don't think "emotional suicide" is the correct metaphor to use. Your speaker doesn't want to kill himself--in fact, he doesn't want to kill off his emotions either--he just wants the pain to go away. I'd go with "emotional anesthesia". Or if you really want to stick with a death image, I'd change it to "emotional euthanasia"--mercy killing.

I believe the most important component of a poem is rhythm. Rhythm is the heartbeat of a poem. It is what makes poetry poetry.

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