Converting in the Wilderness (A TRUE story about Balladeer, Long John, and Toerag)

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LngJhnAg
Member Elite

since 1999-07-23

Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion

0 posted 2003-03-07 04:00 PM

Pentecostal preacher LongJohn and Balladeer the Catholic priest,
Would meet with Rabbi Toerag for coffee every week.
They'd talk shop about their ministries and share things that they knew,
They'd discuss their weekly burdens and how their congregations grew.

One thing led to another and someone finally remarked,
Preaching to the parishioners really isn't very hard.
A real challenge could be found by ministering to a bear,
And winning him over in seven days, if their faith was there.

After seven days had past, they reconvened to discuss their week,
Father Balladeer, an arm in sling and on crutches rose to speak.
"I went into the woods and I found myself a grizzly bear,
So I began to teach the Catechism, but he really didn't care.

"He began to slap me around, so I grabbed my Holy Water quick,
I sprinkled only a little, SAINTS BE PRAISED, it did the trick!
That old grizzly bear just laid right down and became gentle as a lamb.
He gets his First Communion next week by the Parish Bishop's hand."

Reverend LongJohn then rose to speak in his fire and brimstone style,
Both arms and one leg in their casts, but still with a convincing smile.
"Well, Brothers, you know that we don't sprinkle, NO SIR, we submerse,
So I went looking for a grizzly bear to dunk, and thereby to convert.

I began to read the Holy Word, but that grizzly had other thoughts,
Did he want anything to do with me? I say no! And so we fought.
We rassled up and down two hills and then we landed in a crick,
I took that bear and dunked him, and he turned into a lamb right quick."

They both looked down at Rabbi Toe, there in Intensive Care,
Tubes and needles seemed to be going into him everywhere.
"Oy, you think because it took you a week that you are somehow wise?
YOU try holding down a grizzly bear so that he can be circumcised!"

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

1 posted 2003-03-07 04:09 PM

...and the moral of the story is--sorry, the administrators wouldn't allow me to write it!

Enjoyed your story of poetic justice!

EA

Toerag
Member Ascendant

since 1999-07-29

Posts 5622
Ala bam a

2 posted 2003-03-07 04:16 PM

The master story teller....I have another story about this ....I will elaborate...very well done sailor, (and you will be "well done" soon

[This message has been edited by Toerag (03-07-2003 04:22 PM).]

KristieSue

Senior Member

since 2003-01-31

Posts 1460
PA, US

3 posted 2003-03-07 04:19 PM

ohhhhhhh nooooooooo ROFLMAO

great job!!!

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

4 posted 2003-03-07 04:25 PM

Well, here we go again....

We love our jokesters around here, though,
and miss ya'll when you aren't here...

Hugs,
Ethel

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

5 posted 2003-03-07 04:40 PM

ROFLMAO... I could see it coming (mainly cause you always let Bal off easy and dish out the major torment to Toe *G*) and still the laughter burbled. *G* And that's quite an accomplishment, sailor... cause my werk monster's been a real grumpy grizzly! LOL Great job!

rkcraig
Member

since 2003-02-27

Posts 202
Cincinnati, Ohio, USA

6 posted 2003-03-07 04:54 PM

that's awesome, thanks for making me laugh

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

7 posted 2003-03-07 04:59 PM

Enjoyed...James

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

8 posted 2003-03-07 07:10 PM

Yanno, sailor, I've never spoken of this incident out of respect to Toerag's religious beliefs but it's good you brought it to light. Rabbi Toerag...no wonder they are so persecuted!!!