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She's doing it agen!
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She's doing it agen! |
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IcyFlamez89 Member
since 2003-02-14
Posts 292Jersey City NJ |
Mom got me all mad agen cuzz I didn't make valedictorian or saludatorian (sp?). I was okae with not being either because the two who recieved the honor were very good friends of mine and they worked VERY VERY hard. But mom couldn't see that. All she saw was that they were the best and I'm not. arrgh! Why can't she accept that other people worked as hard as me and they deserved it. I showed her all my awards, passing all my subjects with flying colors, an Honor Society member, and one of the highest scoring students of the GEPA and final exam, and she didn't even give a glance. She is obsessed with perfection. Be the best or you're nothing. A few points down and she thinks I've turned stupid. I just hate all the pressure she puts on me and all the put downs she says when I don't meet those ridiculouly high expectations. I know i've ranted about this before, but it's depressing being put down all the time by your own mother, who is supposed to encourage you, not discourage you. I haven't talked to her since that incident, maybe two days now, because all i've been doing is crying. I've locked myself in my room and cried in silence. She never said any words of encouragement to me since 3rd grade, and I know she loves me and all, but I'm beginning to doubt that since she never shows it. I need something positive from her once in a while. That's all I've ever wanted. I've kept my grades up and worked hard for her, not for me, so it hits hard when she rejects it like that. I can't talk to her so I called the Boys Town National Hotline, and that's where I poured out my problems. They really listened and they gave me something mom never did, a hand to hold on to and an ear to listen to. They gave me words of encouragement and told me to stay strong. I haven't told them yet about my other problems, but i will. They've gained my trust and it's easier to talk to them. They're like a little ray of hope, and maybe they can help me through all my dilemmas. |
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Ringo 
since 2003-02-20
Posts 3684Saluting with misty eyes |
DON'T EVER LET ANYONE GET YOU DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It sounds like you busted your hump to get to where you are in your short life, and you are to be excessively proud of yourself. The secret is to not sit back and enjoy it, but rather to keep moving forward. Get into college, and continue to work hard, and study harder and get the best education you can possibly get. I don't know you (except through your writing) and I don't know your mother, howeve ,I would be willing to bet that she does love you, and she is proud of you in her own way... there is just something in her past you haven't discovered that is causing her to act the way she is. The most important thing that you can do for yourself is to not let ANY negative thoughts creep into your brain (even though they will) and don't let the ones that do show up have any creedence. You are a very intelligent person, and deserve the happiness that life can bring. Just don't let YOU bring yourself down. You are the only one that can allow that to happen. If your mother didn't say that she was proud of you, I know that anyone here on PIP that has read your accomplishments and your writing IS proud of you. Keep Moving On. Once in a dream, far beyond these castle walls... |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Now I know why you've picked your username. Icy...continue to work hard. Don't make it for your mother, make it for yourself. I see so many people living THEIR lives throught their children, and that is SO sad. They didn't get the breaks they've given their kids, so they live through you. Well, my poet, you've got a lot more than she knows going for you. First of all, you didn't say "what, this isn't enough? So, I quit." And you didn't quit. Then you said "I can't handle you alone," and you called a very reputable counseling service to help you get through the trying times. Gads...can I adopt you???? I am SO proud of you. You may still have left some things unsaid, as you have admitted to, but hey...from what I can see here and now, you've done a heck of a lot in your young life, and all I can say is...go for the gold, even if it IS only silver now and then. Because if nothing else... you will not have failed YOURSELF!  |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Reach for the stars that YOU seek, not for someone else. Mom's aren't always right, anyway. !!! PSST..don't tell my 15 year old daughter I said that though. And twenty years down the road, I couldn't remember for sure who was 'valed' and who to 'saluta' from my senior class. And don't really care as it makes no difference as to the quality of my life, nor the depth of friendships I am able to make. Mom is probably proud, but even if she isn't? I can relate to this, and wish I couldn't. I got constant putdowns, yet heard a rumor once that mom actually bragged about me to a neighbor...never to my face though. That's sad. I brag to and in front of my Sara, and sometimes she wishes I'd get laryngitis. LOL Enjoy, and keep your eyes on YOUR stars, it's the only way to follow your personally chosen path. |
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Kamala Member
since 2003-04-17
Posts 59CA, USA |
Geez -- I'm so sorry you have to go through this. So, so sorry. Growing up that way makes it so much harder to ever feel like you're enough within yourself. I'm assuming you just graduated high school? Anyway -- let me tell you a little about where I'm coming from. I DID graduate at the top of my senior class, I went on to get a BA in Music from Harvard University, I graduated Harvard "magna cum laude with highest honors," I won the Imrie Award and Thomas Temple Hoopes prize while I was there, I got the most prestigious fellowship to attend graduate school at UCLA, and I'm a Fulbright-Hays recipient. And I STILL don't feel like I'm good enough. A big reason for that is that I was always looking for approval from my dad (who always seemed to favor my brother's life course over mine). I did a lot of things to try to prove to him that I was just as good or that I deserved to be thought of as good too. Now, I did those things for myself TOO, but there was always that undercurrent of just wanted his acceptance, recognition, and appreciation. Finally, I burned out. And only VERY RECENTLY (in the past year or so), have I begun to insist on living my life for me. And my dad still finds ways to give me earfuls about how errant I am. The point is, ultimately you have to live your life and do what you do for yourself. Unfortunately, our parents' voices can be so strong in our minds; they can be the most difficult to let go of. There are a few things that have helped me. Someone once said, "If you don't control your own mind, somebody else will." That thought has always helped. Reading the narrative of the life of Frederick Douglas also helped. "However long I might remain a slave in form, the days had passed when I would be a slave in fact." -- or something to that effect. And try reading Philip Larkin's poem "nothing significant was really said." -- just to give you a sense of what happen to genius that doesn't understand itself. I hope I've helped. Hang in there. I know it's hard, but your future IS yours... and you WILL be able to make it what you want it to be. Kamala |
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IcyFlamez89 Member
since 2003-02-14
Posts 292Jersey City NJ |
Thanks you guys. It's all I can say right now. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Icy - You ARE a success - A GIANT success... Be proud of that - We're certainly proud of you... You did the right thing to ask for support from a group of professionally trained folks who can lend you an ear and help you through your problems. In the midst of it all, please try to remember one thing. Your mother DOES love you. She's doing her best for you, and believes in her heart that her "pressure to succeed" is the best thing for you and your future. We can only expect from our parents what they in turn have learned from their own life-experiences... It's obvious that perfection is important to her. Unfortunately, it just doesnt exist... She'll learn that eventually. It's OK for you to learn it now. It really is... Perhaps you can help her to learn it in turn...  Trust in yourself - Trust in your own abilities - You'll be a great success in whatever venture you pursue, Icy... Believe in that... |
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