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A home without a wall, |
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| The Alley |
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I find myself in a hole |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico 
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Ever heard Chris Isaac's song "Wicked Game"? Well that's exactly how I feel right now. After a year of being single, bitter, and apathetic about women I've come to realize that maybe it's time for a change. I had a girlfriend for 4yrs, and that relationship pretty much set me up for disaster. I really don't trust people, and I really have no idea what's going on right now. I met a girl, I really like her. Thing is this, and I feel so pathetic saying this: She's from california and I met her on the internet. Now, I used to have internet GF's, but I was 13! I mean, give me a break. I promised myself after finally achieving a real life flesh GF that I wouldn't go back to doing this sort of thing. I mean, I can get girls HERE! I have a few who have been bothering me about being their little "friends with benefits" or be their boyfriend, but it all seems to useless to me when all I am thinking about is this girl who lives a gazillion miles away. I met her in an MTV chat room, talked her like nothing, e-mailed her about some tid-bits of my life back in PR....came to GA for my second year of uni and now we talk on the phone all the time. I can't stop thinking of her, and she likes me too (a lot). However, I'm not going to stop living my life due to a girl who lives in CALIFORNIA while I'm stuck here in Atlanta, GEORGIA. She's obviously living her life as well, but recently something hit me. I'm starting to feel a lot more than what I previously thought I could feel. I think it's absurd to be feeling this for somebody I haven't seen in person, but in its absurdity it seems to make sense to me. Why would I put myself through so many emotions if it wasn't special, if she wasn't special..... This is playing with fire folks, I have no idea what is going on. Am I setting myself up for another disaster?  This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'. [This message has been edited by Dopey Dope (10-14-2002 04:06 PM).] |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Javier, Anytime you open yourself up to another person you are also opening yourself up to potential heartache as well as to potential fulfillment. That's just a part of life. Don't stress over what may or may not happen in the future. Enjoy the moment and see where it leads. I don't think you should limit yourself or expect her to limit herself to an exclusive relationship at this point, mainly due to the distance constraint, but who knows what may develop down the road. If it leads to a meaningful relationship, fantastic, if it doesn't, you'll survive and go on just as you did in the past. We are made more resilient through the pain we experience, so don't be afraid of it. You will continue to experience it throughout your life in one way or another. Perhaps you could start putting some money aside for a trip to meet her during school break or next summer. There are some pretty good airfare deals from time to time, especially if you book ahead. Good luck! I wish you the best! |
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Irie Senior Member
since 1999-12-01
Posts 1493Washington State |
Oh yes, I know Chris Isaac's, "Wicked Game" very well. I love it! As to your question, I have no idea what to tell you. I’m not the right person to give you advice as I have not been in your situation. Just some thoughts I have about it though…… Is it possible for the both of you to meet? If so, that would be a start, and one way to discover annoying little quirks about one another, if there are any.  Like I said, I am the wrong person to answer this ….. But I will say I wish you luck in finding your answer! ~Sheri |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
It's been awhile, friend. I'm probably the last person who should be giving practical love advice, but I'll give it a go. You obviously care about her. Thats good! A lot of guys I know seem to be totally devoid of compassion for others, but we're getting off track. There's nothing wrong with trying a long-distance relationship. I understand that you're still hurt from your previous relationship, but I think that maybe you should try to move on. Sure, you might get hurt again, but if you stay away from her just because you're afraid of being hurt, you may be missing out on something great... Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
yeah, thanks guys... I would like to meet her, and I know that that would play a vital role in my decision with whether or not i'd like to actually persue some sort of relationship with her... I'm just trying to explain my current feelings.....this should not be happening. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Why shouldn't it happen? Love happens in the most unusual circumstances at the most unusual times. My son met his wife in a chat room...they are happily married with a 15month old son! Just take your time - enjoy your feelings. Meet her before too much time passes..there are some scary people out there that lie you know!! And you'll know when you meet her if there is a physical attraction as well as an emotional one.  |
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Miah Senior Member
since 2002-08-26
Posts 1062Pennsylvania |
Anything can happen! You set yourself up no matter where you meet the person, love is a gamble. but oooh so worth it. I met my boyfriend on the net, he is from CA, and moved here (PA) about a year ago. I love him to death, he makes me very happy, I met him on ICQ chat. We plan to marry in a few years. But before I met him, I met a lot of duds, its the luck of the draw. Sometimes you win sometimes you lose. But you never will know until you try. Good luck!  |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Thanks sharon and miah....I appreciate the kind words. |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Though I am no expert in romantic matters of the heart I do feel that this is an interesting and fascinating situation you are dealing with. It seems to me, from my own experiences and observations, that those who expect the worst in relations with others will often either find it in those others or imagine it as inherently being within them. I am supremely guilty of this paranoid rut. I think that at times one must roll with the punches in life. It is also rather interesting that your dilemma has proven, to a certain extent, the claim that I've seen raised here at piptalk before. Someone once posted an "essay" concerning the feelings experienced while falling in love, in Passions in Prose. This essay argued that the experience of being in love is different every time. If his claim is true then love is indeed a strange thing. If it is a strange and unpredicable thing then is it wise to expect anything from it at this point? Well, that is just my own tidbit of warped wisdom. Perhaps it will be effective in some circle or another.  "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" -- Magus [This message has been edited by fractal007 (10-15-2002 07:19 PM).] |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
haha..you should just read the title of the post i just posted in 'feelings'. it's "Internet relationships are emotional hell" I truly believe that Javvie. It's great for a while, but after that there are just way too many things that happen which make the distance thing a bit too hard. Meeting her is a good idea though Hope things work out though. Are you scared? |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
make choice and then deal with the consequences. none have the right to call you coward if you break this off, but then you may call yourself that. whatever we say you have to live it. i think that none can even help with such a decision. all that can be said is that for you to be happy you must stick by your decisions. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Thanks all...... truly...  |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
Adults always say that people on the internet can't be trusted, but they just get that off TV. I say Heck with it! If you like the girl, go ahead and meet her. Maybee you will find out that you aren't a great couple, maybee you are soul mates. Who knows! |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
uh, wind. they say that for a reason. you're still in the msn parental controls age range, so i don't think you'll discover that for another little while. but jav, enjoy yourself, just don't take it too seriously. who knows, one day things might work out. but don't change your life for it. i haven't talked to you in a while. msg me. ok? /jen/ i'm so bitterly disappointed. betty, i think it's time you leave now. |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
oo tough subject. i've been in two internet relationships. the last one lasting almost a year where in there were lots of trips by him to the states, and a trip for me to canada. actually meeting each other seemed to make things easier for us both. it was easier to talk to each other, but there was still an underlying stress, for me atleast. i agree alot with what fractal said, because i do that as well. and it sometimes leads to my own downfall. we both decided it was time to break up, and im glad i had that time with him. but because of it, i missed out on a ton of things in my day to day life. i would rush home after school or what not just to get online and talk to him. it put a rift between me and my family because they didnt understand it and were afraid id move to canada. it made me grow farther away from my closest friends. but now that its over, i find that im happier that i did it. i learned alot of things about myself. and with the friends and family, it bounced back because they were true to me. sure, i still chat online, visit Pip, and mud alot. but i have time for myself now, as well as others. so all in all, if she makes you happy Javier, then continue as you see fit. but always leave yourself options. don't drop everything for her. keep things simple. dont know if all this helped or not. i sort of rambled. oO; but good luck Javi. -tiff- “A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.” |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
PS - cool photo Javi.. (I haven't seen u for ages, so you've probably had it up for yonks.. ^^) |
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