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Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

0 posted 2002-02-24 04:40 PM

I can’t rhyme today....So here...try this...

He stood there...waiting...
Time passing by slowly..wondering.
His heart sinking slowly as does the sun.
His eyes shimmering with night lit tears.

Will she...will she come into his life
for his life is meaningless without her.
Will she remember the songs, the whispers
Or will she forget that moment.

Soft flakes falling over his head.
Mingling with the tears then shed.
Patiently waiting for a beauty to be
waiting, wondering ever patiently.

The softest of breeze flowing over his face
reminding him of those moments in chase.
Heart strumming a call of warm passion.
Will she come...in shortest of fashion?

The talks....the softest voice...so clear.
So reassuring, so comforting, so dear.
The vision of a face so sparkling and pure.
The feeling of a closeness that will endure.

An hour....two....still waiting....
Knowing that she will, feelings of heart.
Watching the others...walking together.
Reminders of a lakeside walk and a song.

Will you......ever let me.....ever just be....MY love.....
Will you...ever trust me.....ever must be.....in love.....
And on goes the song, sung from his heart...unwritten...

Hello.....Hi!.... Jack...How are you??
Sorry, the snow...such terrible traffic..
You waited for me? OH..You are such a dear...
Let me take you home...fix some tea...
I love you Jack...

Two hearts...woven together magically
Depart...as the sun sets and moon rises ....

[This message has been edited by Magnus (02-24-2002 04:44 PM).]

amusemi
Senior Member

since 2001-12-08

Posts 1262
A State of Disarray

1 posted 2002-02-24 04:43 PM

Oh Magnus...if she doesn't she's the one missing out. I love it...even if it isn't in rhyme!!!

Kat

Krissy
Senior Member

since 2002-02-22

Posts 556
kent England

2 posted 2002-02-24 04:48 PM

Magnus hi there this is wonderful and I get to answer it before my mum, Whoopee! Sorry I got a little over excited there.

I think this is really beautiful, and very visual I could picture the scene quite clearly, you are a superior writer. Mum is never wrong in her judgement on writing, on other things, yes but never on writing.

Love and warm stuff
As always
Krissy

And while thy willing soul transpiers
at every pore with instant fires
Andrew Marvell 1621-1678

Suetang
Member Ascendant

since 2001-03-07

Posts 5187
Melbourne, Australia

3 posted 2002-02-24 05:22 PM

Hello Barry

It makes no difference whether you rhyme or not, your words are still very beautiful.

Take care......Sue

Suetang

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-05

Posts 8296
Michigan

4 posted 2002-02-24 05:27 PM

Your thoughts are just as beautiful in free verse, Barry...as they are when you rhyme.
I really enjoyed this one.

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled" Gwendolyn Brooks

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

5 posted 2002-02-24 05:29 PM

A sing song, two voices, one in rhyme, one not...I think you play with us, master Poet, and say what you will, you write beautifully....[just not often enough!]

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

6 posted 2002-02-24 05:55 PM

BRAVO!!! This is sooooooo wonderful, sweet friend, your poems are always marvelous no matter if they rhyme or not! (big hugggssssss) We all love you so much, sweet friend, this is another wonderful poe! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Barry, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

RosePetal

Member Elite

since 2001-08-26

Posts 2985
South Florida

7 posted 2002-02-24 06:16 PM

I see you began to rhyme during the last half of the poem! It doesnt matter, because your poems are always exquisite!
True talent like yours always shines bright!

Startime
Member Ascendant

since 2000-10-03

Posts 5918
Canada

8 posted 2002-02-24 08:15 PM

*sigh* rhyming or not...your poems always touch the heart and leave me wishing to know this kind of love...BRAVO!!! I love it....**big hugs**

Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams.

Ivy Rose
Senior Member

since 2001-12-29

Posts 1300
MA, USA

9 posted 2002-02-24 10:12 PM

May be non-rhyming; but you write beautiful free verse. Loved the way you brought this poem together at the end...a surprise ending to my liking. ***Ivy Rose

peaches73533
Senior Member

since 2001-11-04

Posts 981
OK, USA

10 posted 2002-02-25 01:27 AM

Magnus,
You have touched my heart with this.If she doesn't then shes absolutely crazy.
Peaches

strbbux
Member Elite

since 2001-12-19

Posts 3859

11 posted 2002-02-25 09:13 AM

WEll what happened kind sir, is that this
"non rhyme" free verse was just aching to get out. So your muse wouldn't let you rhyme and this is a totally wonderful free write. You flow in it. Say what you will, without the worry of rhyme. floria

Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

Canuckster
Member

since 2002-01-09

Posts 285
New Mexico, USA

12 posted 2002-02-25 09:16 AM

Good cadence and pace. Very effective and well written.

Bravo, sir.

never try to teach a pig to sing
it wastes your time AND annoys the pig

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