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Masked Intruder

Moderator

Senior Member

since 1999-05-23

Posts 1231
Near golden sunsets

0 posted 2002-04-06 02:27 AM

“I’m going to die,” I cried,
as I wept into my pillow.
“I’m going to die.”
The words came again.
“I’m going to die.”
Whispers muffled in my sheets.

Fairness is no longer an abstract idea
That I play with in idle times.
It dogs me, prods me, infuriates me
with its unattainable smile.
Fairness floats away through the breeze strewn grass.

It crept in when I was sleeping,
slammed into my chest with such fervor,
such fury that I cried out, but never woke.
Fever wrought dreams burned into my mind
for hours of restless tossing,
I woke to the shake of a friendly hand.

“I’m going to die,” I cried,
and wept in the darkness.
“I’m going to die.”
The words repeated again.
“I’m going to die.”
Silent screams in the night.

The hospital lights melted my eyes
as I roused to a sterile whiteness.
Weakness rolled through my body
in a nauseous wave, head to toe.
Mechanical beeps, air forced pumps,
and my own pain filled whimpering
echoed off tiled floors, painted walls.

Teardrop laced fabric
brushed against my puffy cheek
when I rolled onto my side.
The frosty windows stared back
into blurry, innocent eyes.

“I’m going to die,” I cried
as I wept into Mother’s arms.
“I’m going to die.”
The words wouldn’t leave.
“I’m going to die.”
A resigned sigh, so pained.

He said I should go home,
his white coat flipping in tune
with the hum of an overhead fan.
His apologies said he wanted to help.
Mother held her tears;
she was strong for me
as she pushed my chair
through the quiet house.

Moment by moment, the seconds pass
with each drawn breath,
each spasmodic beat of a dying heart.
It ate at me while my friends came;
it tormented me as I whispered with my family.
The snowy winter world is as dismal
As my gloomy mentality.
I can’t fight the pain.

“I’m going to die,” I cried
as I drifted off to sleep.
“I’m going to die.”

A final breath into silence.

You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep. -- Navajo Proverb

TriXter
Member

since 2002-03-20

Posts 112
The One

1 posted 2002-04-06 02:30 AM

Very sad,
but beauitiful,
Enjoyed

The man of few words...

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

2 posted 2002-04-06 01:42 PM

(tears fall down my cheeks) Oh Philip, this is sooooooo heartbreaking and sad, sweet friend, I hope everything is alright and now the silence you have felt is replaced by the warm music of hope, my heart cries out to you in the words you express! (big hugggssssss) We are all here for you if you need someone to talk to, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautfiul heart, sweet Philip, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-05

Posts 8296
Michigan

3 posted 2002-04-06 02:36 PM

Powerful, frightening and very well written, Phil.

Sorry, it also made me cry!

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled" Gwendolyn Brooks

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

4 posted 2002-04-06 02:42 PM

Masked Intruder,
Well the force of this intruded on me. Well done.

Morcastlin
Member

since 2002-01-14

Posts 244
The Jersey Shore, USA

5 posted 2002-04-06 03:52 PM

Masked Intruder, this was such a beautiful, yet sad read! Very emotionally stirring! Well done!

Love,
Bonnie

"I want to Live! Life is a banquet and most poor bastards are starving to death!" -Auntie Mame

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

6 posted 2002-04-06 04:07 PM

You know, this seems to be a powefully emotional write, Luv. You know I adore it. That line about fabric laced with tears is one of the best I've ever read. WOW! GOODNESS YOU CAN WRITE!

You just don't know how happy I am to see you writing again..
anyways

there is something more going on here, no? I get a hint of something I don't think anyone else is getting and I can't explain it.

Please shut me up if I'm getting it wrong. Either way, there is something extremely notable going on. Its rich in agony (which you portray very well).
Keep writing. I'll keep reading, Phillip.

How grave is my condition, for I cannot find the words to say, I need you so.
~Sarah MacLachlan~

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

7 posted 2002-04-06 06:51 PM

Fairness is no longer an abstract idea
That I play with in idle times.
It dogs me, prods me, infuriates me
with its unattainable smile.
Fairness floats away through the breeze strewn grass.

Powerful write...especially liked this verse.

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