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Ode To My Boyhood
| Open Poetry #19 |
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Ode To My Boyhood |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
Ode To My Boyhood By: Noah Eaton 2/17/02 I'm harboring a fugitive A shadow of me He lives deep in my heart All soiled and bleeding Beaten against chain-link fences Battered on sandboxes of broken dreams I had the whole weight of the world Tied upon my back I was abused and tortured Everything to me looked black And now the child in me Is dying to his knees Hide yourself from me Hide yourself from me 3 P.M after school I ran home to get peroxide For my mom to clean my wounds Have a shoulder to lean over and cry Stand alone naked in the bathrrom Praying for Jesus to reach me My dad sat on the couch I showed him my wounds He said, "Be a man and fight, Don't go boo-hoo around me!" And I cleaned the wounds myself I was alone with no friends for comfort me Hide yourself from me Hide yourself from me I went to the Lutheran Medical Hospital For weeks at a time I had a severe case of depression I could never stop crying Must I say how much Prozac did I take? I never ever felt alive I recall restless Septembers I had seizures every night I spent months in the hospital Having endless thoughts of suicide Why can't I be like the other kids? Letting their imaginations going wild outside? Hide yourself from me... I will hide myself from you My youth breaks my heart My youth breaks my heart I will hide myself from you... All from you... All from you... All from you... The child deep inside of me... Please speak to me... Please speak to me... I can't hear you breathe anymore.. [This message has been edited by Mistletoe Angel (02-18-2002 12:10 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Nadia Lockheart - All Rights Reserved | |||
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Noah, you are so special. Yes, you are different, and I know the other students must give you a hard time. But it is your very difference that makes you such a special part of our rainbow of friends, and I hate to hear you feeling so down. When I get to Colorado, let's get together for a visit, OK? Meanwhile, accept the changes from boyhood to young man, and don't look back, look forward. |
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amusemi Senior Member
since 2001-12-08
Posts 1262A State of Disarray |
Oh M-Angel, as a person who suffers from chronic bouts of depression I can sooo identify with this. I hated being a child almost as much as I hate being grown-up...don't give up. Keep fighting. I can't tell you how many times you make a person's day just being here. They say that the things that don't kill us make us stronger...and the moral: Be the example of strong...hear these words, but ignore my next poem! |
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J. K. Mitchell Member
since 2002-01-12
Posts 311GA |
My heart reaches out to you. Everyone has down periods, Noah. Just remember you have your friends to help you through them. Touching write! |
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strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Oh gosh Noah, you tore me up with this one. We don't lead perfect lives do we? Go back into yourself and hug that little child, and love that little child and give it all the love it didn't get, and you will be fine my friend, I have fought depression too. This is very heartfelt, we love you Noah, keep writing, it is great therapy and I am glad to see you write this all out. God bless my friend.  floriaFloria |
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Victoria
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869 |
aaahhhh Noah...if those kids treated you like that..than you know they treated others like that too...just be glad you are not them..and you are you..parents seem to forget sometimes what it is like to be a child...but i hope you remember if things like this happen to your children...you will know how to comfort them sweetheart..Hugss..we love you  you are a beautiful person..and dont ever forget that..~Vic |
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walker Member Elite
since 2001-02-11
Posts 2240Florida |
Noah, some of us have to suffer more than others, believe me Noah ultimately it makes us a better person.You have great talent and just like you're writing about it, everything becomes history. When we're little we're not in control but when we grow up we can make better choices. You can make history better, by living better today  I hope you understand what I mean. |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
My sweet friend, you should never have had so much pain. But you are so beautiful inside and out, and maybe the pain made some of that happen. I know that you can say goodbye to that pain, and be happy now. Luv Sandra |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
I agree with amusemi....I have known and am no stranger to depression also. It is wonderful of you to write your feelings Noah. Well done...gentle hugs to you. On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free. |
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mirror man Senior Member
since 2001-01-08
Posts 814 |
Yes, this is good, but also very much unlike your other work. I haven't seen my parents in over ten years, and good riddence. Know you have frieneds here, and support. And take care. |
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Canuckster Member
since 2002-01-09
Posts 285New Mexico, USA |
I understand this very much. I was very much the same as this boy you describe, but with some differences. I stored up the abuse I took at home and at school for being different and I turned it inward and just tried to bury it and go numb. It didn't work. I bought myself an ulcer, depression and an emotional breakdown by the age of 35 when I could no longer take it anymore. It takes courage to write like this. It isn't about form. It isn't about being pretty and poetic. It is about being honest and in doing it you begin to heal yourself as well as being a vehicle for the healing of others who read this. You're a good man. It sucks that others have abused you for being tender-hearted, wearing your emotions on the outside and for being different. As one who is now almost 40 and having spent half my life now away from the home where I experienced an abusive alchoholic and dysfunctional family let me encourage you. Things can get better. Be prepared to relearn things you think you now know. Be prepared to return again and again to that wounded inner child who is deep inside and still there. You can parent him. He can grow. You can heal. Don't let anyone, EVER tell you any differently. Hang in there friend! Bart PS. Look for my poem I will post about this called Journey Throught the Mists. It talks about this in a way I bet you will understand better than others. never try to teach a pig to sing |
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JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
ODE to this poem!! gorgeous! Hang in there kid! you are a great person , you should never change! [This message has been edited by JBaker515 (02-18-2002 05:13 PM).] |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Look to your gifts and look to your strength and I know you will make it...you already are making it...just keep going...James |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Noah - I felt this inside as I read your words. I know your heart is special, and you are also. Don't ever think there is no one to care. I do, and will always be your friend... BC |
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Magicmystery Senior Member
since 2002-02-13
Posts 821Windsor, Ontario, Canada |
Dear Noah, I can well imagine the pain you bore as a child. You need to know that you are not alone. As children, my brother and I were teased, taunted, bullied and chased home from every school we ever attended. And sometimes we bore the physical scars of battle although the the emotional ones were deeper and harder to heal. Everytime we moved, we hoped and prayed that this time would be different. It never was You have a beautiful soul, Noah, and you are a very special young man. The fires of your youth have set you in a crucible to be purified for some greater purpose. And you have emerged victorious. Embrace the child within you. He needs to be comforted and freed. You will always have him with you giving you your unique inspiration, but you need to know now what it means now to be a child soul free from the torment that was your youth. Love and Peace Sherry Cherish the good memories past and look forward to the adventure called Tomorrow. |
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SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown |
Oh Dear Noah, I know how you feel. I get depressed alot, myself. It is so hard to get out of the depression. We all love you sweet Noah. You have a kind and beautiful heart. We are all here for you. |
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Tracey Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808where insanity meets breeding |
Youth can be such a hard time, and yours certainly sounds particularly hard. But you have come through it dear friend…times like these can only make us stronger. Look forward to your manhood now…I’m betting it’s going to be a whole lot better If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please? |
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