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AJ Keating
Junior Member

since 2001-05-10

Posts 26
New Hampshire

0 posted 2002-03-20 10:32 PM

For those of you who don't remember me, most everything I write is a song, especially at this point. This is no exception, except that it is not finished. I just began writing it at about 11:00 last night.

I've lost my mind, I've lost my nerve,
personalities have diverged.
I don't know how to please,
I don't know how to leave.
My emotions are starting to merge.

Tell me what you want,
Tell me what you need.
Tell me what you'd like from me.
Tell me what I can say,
To make you smile again
Tell me what you want.

That's all I have so far, whatcha think? I'm not too proud of it, but i'm hoping that I can turn it into something readable ;-)

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

1 posted 2002-03-20 10:36 PM

Ohh, be proud of it!
The question that is most avoided in the universe was courageously put forth...
The magic is being close enough to find the answer for yourself... I like this. Promising. ThisDiamond

AJ Keating
Junior Member

since 2001-05-10

Posts 26
New Hampshire

2 posted 2002-03-20 10:38 PM

forgot to mention, the last verse and chorus in this, when I finally manage to get it on paper, is going to be saying "tell me what I want" etc. That was my original idea, to have it go around like that.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

3 posted 2002-03-20 10:41 PM

BRAVO!!! Oh my gosh, this is a wonderful start, sweet friend, I think in order to help you, the first question I can ask you is what key do you intend to play? Is the chorus the second half of this, or are these both verses? I think the second half would make an excellent chorus then you can add one more verse in that explains your privaqcy and what your heart really desires and then a bridge could be necessary to explain how much you want to know what she wants! (big hugggsssssss) This is marvelous, sweet friend, I hope what I said made any sense, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Adam, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

[This message has been edited by Mistletoe Angel (03-20-2002 10:42 PM).]

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