Open Poetry #19 |
In Memory of My Son Travis Andrew 7/10/84 - 2/23/93 |
Rosemary J. Gwaltney Senior Member
since 1999-08-26
Posts 997northern mountains, Idaho |
Those straight white halls led me through the maze, to your huge dark eyes staring pleadingly up at me; the ventilator having been again disconnected from your delicate quivering lungs. ~ ~ ~ “He couldn’t survive another time on the vent. We’d advise not putting him on again. Take him home where he knows love and comfort. We’ll sign you up with a hospice service.” ~ ~ ~ The room at the end of those straight white halls, now again a place for thanking God, for dripping tears again on those stiff sterile sheets where you lay warm and soft, your dark eyes shining into mine. The day you were given a new life, one final time. The last time you were disconnected, and sent home to know life with us, dearest seconds to preserve - to live - to live - to live - by minutes - by hours - a life - your life - which was as it was, not like others, but still breathing - and infinitely precious. Those straight white halls were pearled jewels, as I pushed your small wheelchair along them one more time; and the automatic door a magic one, as from a fairy tale with the secret words - ‘I love you, Travis Andrew, Open, Sesame’, springing us out into familiar warm autumn breezes. Home free - better than any ball game; brighter than any Christmas or birthday; freedom more free than escaping from prison. Four more tender months of days and nights, and so much love. Freedom as we had never known it, after the eight endless years of your vulnerable living. Comprehending that they would never put you again on the machines to soundlessly scream; the tube blocking your voice from those dying lungs, in desperate sweating, hopeless gasping, enormous eyes gleaming, locked in black terror. On machines regrettably unable to repair. Four more months we savored -lingering cuddles in the soft rocking chair, velvet cheeked kisses; your low gentle voice in moments when you felt well. Surrounded by those old familiar friends, the oxygen, and the suction machine. It was our last time, my fragile darling boy and it was a treasure just as you were all during your helpless, priceless, inestimable eight year era. I will never forget you, my baby. Even now, so many years later; stinging, my tears still fall... |
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© Copyright 2002 Rosemary J. Gwaltney - All Rights Reserved | |||
Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
I am so very sorry for the loss of your son, but so very happy that you took him home to love him in familiar surroundings. And in the sorrow of this poem I saw some of your tender memories of Travis, and I hope you will continue to share them and in so doing, keep his spirit alive. (I too do this with a friend of mine, Willow). I trust will peace be with you. The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Rosemary "It was our last time, my fragile darling boy and it was a treasure just as you were all during your helpless, priceless, inestimable eight year era" Again I understand and wish you the peace of memory. Love never dies. |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
(big huggggssssss) Oh Rosemary, this is so very sad, my heart goes out to your loss! (sad sigh) Know that your son will always love you so so much and will always guide you with all his love, sweet friend, this is soooooo heartwrenchingly beautiful! (kiss on cheek) My thoughts are always with you, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beauitful heart, sweet Rosemary, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Chills crept over me as I read, and yet, your memory so much warmth and love. It's good that you took him home, and kept him warm with love and understanding, and gave him quality moments of happiness. For it's not the length of time, but the quality of it that matters most in the end. |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Such a loving tribute. Thank you so much for posting it so that I could read your words. Wow, I don't know what to say. I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, terrified, like his passengers. |
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rosepetals25
since 2000-05-31
Posts 3076PA |
Rosemary, There is nothing I can really say.. I'm so sorry for your loss. This poem is wonderfully written and so full of love that echos in my heart. Hugs, Tara "My heart is like an open book, for the whole world to read" |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Rosemary, there is no way I can imagine what you went through during this time so allow me to shy away from saying anything that could come out as sounding trite or insincere...instead I will just admire the both of you for your strength and compassion. Peace... |
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Rosemary J. Gwaltney Senior Member
since 1999-08-26
Posts 997northern mountains, Idaho |
Mysteria, Martie, Noah, Midnitesun, ilSkyfire, rosepetals25. Balladeer, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Not many want to hear, and you are such gracious friends. It’s sometimes hard to put memories into poetry, but I always find comfort here. An amazing place. The spiritual wind that holds survivors aloft, plants the seeds from which bloom new hope ... R.J.G. |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
SweetRosemary~ And in sharing the poetry of Travis with us, you have shared precious, precious memories that live forever~ I love you~ *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Rosemary, Oh the aching of a mommies heart. Such a precious thing that you can recall the good from such a tragic experience. It is a fine tribute to what I can only imagine was the gift of your son's life to you. A tender, tender write that touched my heart. I am so sorry for your loss. Peace... |
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RosePetal
since 2001-08-26
Posts 2985South Florida |
Rosemary, you have me in tears! They say crying is therapeutic though. Travis is watching over you now and some day the two of you will be together again. Thank you for sharing, you are a strong woman. |
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NapalmsConstantlyConfused
since 2001-05-15
Posts 529 |
memories are not easy to put on paper. but your love for your son shines through, and i'm sure he knows it. -Dave |
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walker Member Elite
since 2001-02-11
Posts 2240Florida |
So much love and tenderness expressed here.Lovely expression of true and eternal love. |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Bless you, that must have been tough to write. Very tender and loving. Sandra |
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Silver Streak Member Elite
since 2002-01-02
Posts 3625FL, USA |
Thank you for sharing. God be with you. ((Rosemary)) -newell Sharing God's Love through perfectlovepoetry.com |
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strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Rosemary this tore at my heart. I lost my son last year and he was forty, yours only eight, I try to think of the great years we had, but it doesn't really help that much. I am so very sorry. This truly tore at my heart. floria Floria |
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Saunni Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 1777West Virginia |
I so was not going to read this, because I knew your words were going to be painful, and afraid I wouldn't know what to say. But, I know if I were in your shoes, I would hope that people would care all the same. I can't say I know exactly what you are going through, but I can tell you, as well as you will know this also, a child to leave, whatever mannor it is in, is beyond heartbreaking. It leaves our soul to feel almost lifeless. You wrote about this so well and with such peace, I sure hope, even within those stinging tears, that there is a part of you that has some peace left. I wish that for you, because I know mine is completely gone. I think if we can still find a little peace in ourselves then it would be alot easier to hang onto life. I enjoyed seeing a little bit of yours and his life in that poem...thank you for sharing a story filled with absolute love to us all. Beautiful write. Be well Sauni @~~~>~~ |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
Rosemary...this is a beautiful and heartfelt tribute to your son. It is the most difficult and heartbreaking experience in the whole world to lose a child. My older son died suddenly and tragically in July of 2000, at the age of 30. He was a 4th year medical student at the time. I never really did get to say good-bye to him because the last time I saw him, about a week earlier...I just assumed I would see him again in a couple of weeks. This still cuts me like a sharp knife. 14 months before he died, my first husband had died a lingering horrible death from lung cancer. Eric, my late son...had taken the year off med school to be with his Dad.. So I have lost 2 of the most precious people in my life in a space of about 14 months. When my husband died, I was with him...as you were with your son, and we got to say our good-byes to each other and speak of our love. I thought it was the most horrible thing that would ever happen to me...and then....I lost my son! and there was no good-bye. I feel so horrible for you, Rosemary...because although I cannot say that I know how you feel...know one can know that.....I do know that the loss of a child can transcend any happiness or even any sense of normalcy in one's life. Please email me if you would like to discuss this further. I know that one thing which has really helped me is writing about it...so, please continue to do so. I think you will find it to be very therapeutic. I had posted some of my poetry about Eric's death earlier...and I'll try to re-post a couple of them for you. Take care.... Lots of big hugggsss! copyright2002 Lyra Nesius |
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Rosemary J. Gwaltney Senior Member
since 1999-08-26
Posts 997northern mountains, Idaho |
Marge, Larry C, Rose Petal, NapalmsConstantlyConfused, Walker, catalinamoon, Silver Streak, floria, saunni, Madame Chipmunk, thank you all for your dear and heartwarming comments! Saunni, never worry about what to say. thank you so much for seeing a little bit of our lives and love in my poem. That was what I was trying to portray. I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your son, floria. Madame Chipmunk, to lose a husband AND a son would be so UTTERLY devastating. My heart goes out to you. I would welcome letters any time. [email protected] |
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amigo Senior Member
since 2001-10-12
Posts 520the earth school |
i am so sorry for your loss, dear one, all i can say is my thoughts & prayers are with you...hugs to you, Rosemary.... |
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