Silence in Darkness : A Choka Style Poem

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Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

0 posted 2002-03-10 06:43 PM

Choka : a Japanese form of Tanka where it is written with
Alternating lines of 5,7 with two 7’s to end
Where as a Tanka would be the shortest example of 5,7,5,7,7
And the Choka 5,7,(5,7)x,7. The X can be any number of 5,7 units.

Silence in darkness
Stealth moving with assurance,
Stepping softly by
Seeing not with human eye,
Listens to movement,
Lingers in a drifting scent,
Looking beyond sight,
Languid from travels all night,
Settles to rest till the light.

Gloom
I rhyme, but it’s unneeded for the Choka

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

1 posted 2002-03-10 06:48 PM

Oh I like... I want to try... Thanks for sharing!

I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, terrified, like his passengers.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

2 posted 2002-03-10 06:52 PM

I like this too, so as long as you go 5,7 as much as you want you still end it on a 7,7?? very well done

Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

3 posted 2002-03-10 07:02 PM

Thank you, Skyfire,
Please do try it,
This can be a sharing experience
Where different people add a 5,7
Till the final 7 caps the poem with a conclusion.

Thank you, Sea,
There are examples of these going many lines
Becoming a correspondence between two people,
one of those love things.

Gloom

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

4 posted 2002-03-10 07:06 PM

(sigh) Wow, oooohhhhhh...I always love how you introduce such diverse forms of poetry to us all, you are a wonderful inspiration to us all, I need to try one of these! (smiles) We all love you so much, sweet friend, this is excellent! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Aszard, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

5 posted 2002-03-10 07:13 PM

now I'll have to try one, thanks

Silver Streak
Member Elite

since 2002-01-02

Posts 3625
FL, USA

6 posted 2002-03-10 07:15 PM

Gloom,

I choka on your brilliant research:

A garden planted
By God grew and grew each day
Small flowers blooming
As the rain and warm sunshine
Were breathed by spirits
As they inhaled oxygen
Exhaled CO2
And spread joy in the forest
A garden planted by God.

((Gloom))
-newell

Sharing God's Love through perfectlovepoetry.com

Copyright: 2002 Newell Elsworth Usher

strbbux
Member Elite

since 2001-12-19

Posts 3859

7 posted 2002-03-10 07:17 PM

Oh I do like this gloom and I must try it. thanks for sharing this with us, floria

Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

Mark Coburn
Member

since 2002-01-24

Posts 71

8 posted 2002-03-10 07:25 PM

prof.gloom...love this form had heard of tangka....but not choka what period of history was the form from...i am very interested in poetry of china and japan

Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

9 posted 2002-03-10 07:26 PM

Thank you, Mistletoe Angel,
Glad you liked it, now write one,
I have faith that you’ll write a sweet one.

Sea, I await yours

Thank you, Silver Streak,
Wonderful response in kind,
Reminds me to arrange another walk in the forest
Spring is coming and the trees blooming is spiritually uplifting,
And I always need help there.

Thank you, Strbbux,
You are kind, and as good as poetess as you
Will have little difficulty excelling in this form.

Gloom

Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

10 posted 2002-03-10 07:30 PM

Thank you, Mark Coburn,
Glad you liked, I don’t remember where it falls into time,
Never was good at times, and am more familiar with the Chinese
Over the Japanese.
I will research and let you know what I find out.
E-mail me and I’ll send the data when I know,
Knowledge is always a reward.

Gloom

Zinsser
Senior Member

since 2001-02-27

Posts 1641
Calif.

11 posted 2002-03-10 07:39 PM

Stealth moving with assurance,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seeing not with human eye,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Listens to movement,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lingers in a drifting scent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These are some cool lines here....

SmartChick
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-09-23

Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown

12 posted 2002-03-10 07:41 PM

Hey Professor, I like this. I might try one of these.

Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

13 posted 2002-03-10 07:52 PM

Thank you, Zinsser,
Just sitting around remembering that attack cat of mine,
Glad you enjoyed.

Thank you, SmartChick,
Glad you liked it,
Please do try one

Gloom

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