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Brian James
Member

since 2005-06-26

Posts 147
Winnipeg

0 posted 2006-09-11 02:41 AM

In Lieu of Mourning

I never usually see grass so tall
As what it's like out here. You know, I told you
I've never dug a grave before, and you
Can tell just by the way I move my limbs
I'm unfamiliar with the way they work,
Or maybe just distracted by my task.

We came a little further, like you said,
A little further from the place we once
Lay down together, and looked up at the sky
At spinning ghosts of ice (you'd said to me
They were more frightening than you'd ever seen)
While laying on the picnic blanket where
I learned to love the wonder in your eyes,
And the attentiveness with which you laugh
When something brushes up against your skin.

You might have laughed the same when, as a child,
You came here with your friends for games of tag,
Tripping on shoots of grass or, in the winter
When you came to build castles in the snow.
Likewise, you might have frowned just as you're doing
Watching me with your dark collectiveness
When, as you told me, once you took two birds
That you had found drowned in a swimming pool,
But with a plain and playful honesty
You carved a resting place in this same field
And gave them such a dignified farewell
As would be fitting for a Christian soul.

Don't think me careless if I truly feel
Less horrified to lay her in her grave
Than I am mesmerized by the eternal
Child-likeness in your youngness to the world,
And do not think I'm being insincere
Or merely comforting you when I say
I've always loved you, and I always will,
In no small part because of times like this,
When you're so struck by God's eternal grandeur
That sadness is the only honest answer.

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

1 posted 2006-09-11 06:31 AM

Taking a sighing breath, Brian
...beautifully conveyed

M

Alicat
Member Elite

since 1999-05-23

Posts 4094
Coastal Texas

2 posted 2006-09-11 08:43 AM

Brian, this is very good with an easy conversational flow. The only thing my mind tripped on was the tense of Lay, since the speaker is relating past events as evidenced by the past tense of 'looked up at the sky'. There is a deep profoundness here which left my jaw agape. Very well done.

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

3 posted 2006-09-11 11:58 AM

Brian

This poem left me in an emotional meadow and I don't want to leave to talk of form or meter...ok?

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

4 posted 2006-09-12 12:45 PM

quote:
Likewise, you might have frowned just as you're doing
Watching me with your dark collectiveness
When, as you told me, once you took two birds
That you had found drowned in a swimming pool,
But with a plain and playful honesty
You carved a resting place in this same field
And gave them such a dignified farewell
As would be fitting for a Christian soul.

I am sure no critic but man did I love this piece. It took me several times reading it to come to the conclusion that I wish I had known this person, but thanks to you, I now did.

This reminds me of several trips as a kid to various graveyards around Winnipeg Bri. I would see patches of long grass, and it always made me cry at the lack of care I guess.

SEA