Dreamer of Compromised Dreams

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Alicat
Member Elite

since 1999-05-23

Posts 4094
Coastal Texas

0 posted 2006-01-06 11:27 AM

I'm just a dreamer of compromised dreams
as I wander all over this land.
I have met many who work all their days
who really just don't understand.

My pockets are richer, my life is much fuller
than anyone I've ever seen.
So leave me my musings and wandering ways;
I'm dreaming my compromised dreams.

You tell me that you'd love to join me
but there's dues and bills you must pay.
Maybe later we'll meet up;
tomorrow is another day.

Another state line passes under my feet,
where I'm heading I really can't say.
There's so much to do, so much to see;
there aren't enough hours in the day.

My pockets are richer, my life is much fuller
than anyone I've ever seen.
So leave me my musings and wandering ways;
I'm dreaming my compromised dreams.

Alicat
1-6-06

*was finally able to complete something using that phrase without it up and vanishing on me*

[This message has been edited by Alicat (01-06-2006 12:09 PM).]

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

1 posted 2006-01-06 11:37 AM

Ali~

Now that's what I'm talking about~

Loverly thoughts that didn't evaporate on ya'~

Sometimes you've just got to throw a net over them and wrestle those thoughts to the page~

Thanks for the ink splash~
*Huglets*
~*Me

~*No matter what I search for ...
let me know when it is LOVE that I find*~ <))><

Email - noles1@totcon.com

X Angel
Senior Member

since 1999-11-07

Posts 1521
Oregon

2 posted 2006-01-06 11:40 AM

Hey Ali,
This made my heart ache for you. I liked it!
Remember what I told you the other day...*you know your heart* (((and it's a good'un))).
XOXOXO
H

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

3 posted 2006-01-06 12:45 PM

You are on a roll, keep it going, this was wonderful Ali! The last stanza I love, and just how rich is a man with dreams? I would prefer a dreamer any day!

You did it!

Alicat
Member Elite

since 1999-05-23

Posts 4094
Coastal Texas

4 posted 2006-01-06 12:52 PM

Thanky for the responses, and thank you especially Marge for the critiques and recommendations via email. 'life more fuller' was changed to 'life much fuller' thanks to your insight on proper grammar while still retaining 4/4 time.

Don't wanna be an ignert rit'r.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

5 posted 2006-01-06 02:05 PM

KILROY WAS HERE!!!

I love this, as I have a soft spot for those with wanderlust.

In fact, I hope you don't mind, but this has inspired me to issue a new challenge...

and I hope you're writing, 'cause I'm sitting here with a lighter in the air, screaming "MORE"!

Brian James
Member

since 2005-06-26

Posts 147
Winnipeg

6 posted 2006-01-06 04:49 PM

I think you managed it very admirably, Alicat. Though the meter was clearly dependent on the phrase itself, it has a wonderful side-effect of lightening your tone to an almost playfully self-aware brand of naive optimism. It reminds me both of Chaucer's "Complaint to his Purse" in its jolliness and Wordsworth's "Resolution and Independence" for its stoic optimism.

The sentiment is pure gold and you've put it across in a way that's both sincere and casual. Reminds me a lot of some of Balladeer's balderdash, but with a more overt moral argument. I could go on trying to express how pleased I am with the tone, but I think I'm starting to repeat myself.

Let me also congratulate you on showing one of the ways in which cliche can be used purposefully in this stanza here:

quote:
You tell me that you'd love to join me
but there's dues and bills you must pay.
Maybe later we'll meet up;
tomorrow is another day.

See, there's so much familiarity in that saying that you're able to shrug off the weight of "dues and bills to pay" both as an impediment to your audience and as a burden to your personal life. It's the kind of attitude we hope we can "meet up" with another day, since it's something that seems so terrifying to us but obviously doesn't trouble you. We're isolated from you, maybe even jealous. This is why cliche helps you so much: you're talking to us like children, very subtly though.

A very fine achievement as always, Alicat.
Brian

"To me, the thing that art does for life is to clean it, to strip it to form."
~Robert Frost

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

7 posted 2006-09-29 06:07 PM

Your title drew me today because I can definitely relate to that concept....but it was the quality of your work that held me.

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