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I choose you.
| Poetic Haven |
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I choose you. |
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Kellie_Cantrell Senior Member
since 2002-05-22
Posts 1667New York 
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Quietly I gather my thoughts, and ponder my taunts. Too soon, or too late, and without the proper bait. Balancing on a wire of humility, a broken record of lies I choose you, to cast away my fears, free me from my tormentors, and mend the record the spins throughout the night. Slithering the serpant hisses, failing me to be near. his evil deception, brought on by the temptations of man Hidden by the shallow, ambitions of slavery. I choose you, to cast away my fears, to break me softly. and catch my fall, allowing room for improvement. My faith and hope, be drawn near to you. Feel free to look in Spiritual, Critical and Prose for writing by me! |
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| © Copyright 2004 Kellie M. Cantrell - All Rights Reserved | |||
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Kel, who is doing the taunting and bating in the first stanza? It sounds as if you are asking God to guide you, to protect you from the snake, whom I must assume is some kind of Devil? Perhaps because I am not of the Christian faith, I am misunderstanding the intent, or reading too much into this one? Anyway, hope you have a good week. |
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Kellie_Cantrell Senior Member
since 2002-05-22
Posts 1667New York |
Temptation: This poem is about casting away my human nature to follow sinful temptations. Being someone who I am not. This is a cry and a plea to be right and in alignment with my faith. I think this poem can only mean what is in my heart and could be easily interpreted by others in a way that isn't as personal as the interpretation in my heart. I am not sure if I am making any sense, but I hope so. |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
I've been reading this one over the past few days, and did see the obvious spiritual messages, and it did seem rather personal. So I was a bit askance at responding, not from the spiritual, but from the personal, since once the notion is in my head, it's rather hard to assign Speaker or Narrator en leiu of the author. But I guess the primary question I had was why this one wasn't posted in Spiritual, where it might fit a bit better, though Haven definately has enough room for any style.  Anyhow, I did enjoy the personal introspection and realization of flaws and ways to overcome them, or if that is not an option, to subtly change those flaws into facets. Alicat |
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Marshalzu 
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Nicely written. Andrew |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
An interesting poem, but it seems that some of the wording is not constructed as well as it could be. For example, the opening stanza is way too awkward for my taste. The use of the words bait and taunt is rather uncalled for, I think. It confuses the meaning. Perhaps you could choose something else? The shape of the lines is interesting. You made sure that you kept a good form and the line that was excessively long was that way for a good reason. After all, broken records do run on a little longer than we'd like. This was a nice poem and a good read. A diamond in the rough, as most work is, though. 2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2 |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
i'm speechless. it's awe inspiring and amazing at how far you have come as a poet. 'Christianity is the complete negation of common sense and sound reason.' |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
And it is...yes....exactly so. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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