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Postcard
| Poetic Haven |
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Postcard |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas 
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The tree limbs are heavy with their crystalline loads, the clouds swirl and break like surf upon my small abode. Inside there is but one room of ancient hardpacked earth and every generation here comes another birth. Soon a child grown to adult will come and take my place and this family abode will see another family face. The fire pops and crackles as I write another log: tips on harvests, wind and rain; tips on snow and fog. 'Home Is Where The Hearth Is', as my father plainly said. That's among the pictures dating from our family's head. Those line the timber walls, though there's plenty room for more; our history in stately rows from ceiling to the floor. The light pours from windows painting banks a playful gold. And sensing something in the night, the latch I firmly hold peering deeply through the snow, the door open a smidge, I see you looking back from the postcard on your fridge. Alicat 10/16/04 |
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| © Copyright 2004 Alastair Adamson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
smiling wide here bro... I could "see" what you painted in words here, and as you know, I'm no expert on meter, but I did stumble a bit as I read this aloud. I love the gentle tone and assurance of "life will go on", and appreciate the comfort in the implied cycles (or did I infer) that was expressed without the gratuitous sorrow. (Something I can't seem to achieve, btw) But splain the meter to me please? I felt some of the stresses threw me off, and I still don't know how to write meter that allows for the reader to in rhythms of my intent, without breaking up my sentences into short swift passages. (Did that make sense?) And? There are many lovely lines here which I would've highlighted, but rumor has it that works your nerves.  So for you, I restrained myself.  Enjoyed.  |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
Thanky, Serenity, for the thought provoking response. For meter, I was striving for septameter, but had great difficulty with sticking to one foot. In short, some lines are iambic, others trochaic, which may throw some off. Not to mention septameter is an odd meter. However, I did not really want to have to rewrite the entire piece again, as it's taken me the better part of a week just to find the words to describe the image I saw, and I had already rewritten it twice prior to posting.And I'm not completely against pulling lines from pieces for discussion. Just against copying and pasting the entire piece prior to comments instead of utilizing the Topic Review link at the bottom of nearly every response page. So feel free to dissect in your unrestrained manner. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
"And I'm not completely against pulling lines from pieces for discussion. Just against copying and pasting the entire piece prior to comments instead of utilizing the Topic Review link at the bottom of nearly every response page. So feel free to dissect in your unrestrained manner." uh huh. Just as soon as I sober up... *cackle* I promise.  |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
quote: This puts into my mind the fact that as "youngsters" we pretty much think we're going to be around forever; it's not long before we realize too many years have slid by in all of our busyness...and we who are fortunate enough before too much time goes by become reflective, and even more honest with ourselves...and for the very luckiest of us, we share our thoughts in words, such as this.  |
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Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Meter, smeater, I absolutely loved the entire scene set here. Cycles are amazing things, and once you hit a certain age, they can sure preoccupy one's mind. "write another log" ohhhh, I loved that! |
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PhaerieChild Senior Member
since 1999-08-30
Posts 1787Aloha, Oregon |
I don't know nuthin' about meter, but I loved the way you painted it. And that's more than enough for me. Beautiful and heartwarming. |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Truly beautiful writing. Andrew |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
Alicat, Just reading again. Thanks for pointing out the topic review box. I had never noticed that. martyjo |
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