Denial's Sin (Allan Riverwood and Serenity, Duet Club)

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Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

0 posted 2001-05-20 12:22 PM

beneath the sleeping chapel that was me
enwrapped within tranquility so sweet
I waited there, beside our favourite tree
perchance by fate again, this night we'd meet

I held within my hand a daisy white
and spun it, as I'd seen you do before
so sweet, and violet black the sky of night
I closed my eyes and counted up to four

i opened eyes surprised--chagrined
to see the same I'd seen, again.
I closed my eyes in pray renew
to capture what I'd lost of you.

Simple silences aware
Unbalancing of scales beware
and every thought I thought was new?
was but the tilt of beam, askew.

the ravage of a heatwave down its path
created for me hatred of the moon
it burned my skin, in prejudice and wrath
I clutched myself, and hoped you'd be here soon

reflection in the daisy's weary glare
that titled down, provoked my sight, and dried
to satisfy my eyes I stripped them bare
and watched the creature shrivel as it died

I am lonely in my loss...
one petal fallen--such a cost...
to see it dry and spin in air
as if there was no life to care

and no weight of soul to spin
A feather light--denial's sin--
The silence of a cry's despair
in weep of heaviness of air.

but still beneath the chapel, shutting down
my body ached, my insides shredded out
the pain ran o'er my body as a gown
and cleansed me of my everlasting doubt

and as the petal wept and hit the earth
so, too, my hopes and memories of you
fell flatly at my feet, for all they're worth
then melting in the blades of grass and dew

And all my hopes become compost--
becoming one with ghost of host.

[This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 05-20-2001).]

Alwye

Moderator

Member Elite

since 1999-06-16

Posts 3850
In the space between moments

1 posted 2001-05-20 12:55 PM

Absolutely incredible you two....the imagery is stunning and memorable. Truly exellent work, I am impressed!

*Krista Knutson*

"We can all become what we aspire to be
If Heaven's here on Earth..." ~Tracy Chapman

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

2 posted 2001-05-20 10:07 AM

Wow... very beautiful piece here, you two! Such deep and profound emotions are harder to convey in a duet, but you two do it just fine. Great job!

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

3 posted 2001-05-20 10:10 AM

Excellent!!! I hope you both will write together again.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-05-20 12:10 PM

Amazing job here! I really enjoyed this one a lot! Well done!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

5 posted 2001-05-20 07:38 PM

came back to thank allan once again.

Had a great time both chatting and writing with you--would love to do this again anytime!!!
Thank you, my new friend!

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

6 posted 2001-05-21 07:43 PM

WOWEEEEE, excellent you two!
I loved this, you make a great team

You must write together again

Maree

Yu Lan
Senior Member

since 2000-04-13

Posts 1462
New Zealand

7 posted 2001-05-25 05:57 AM

bravo you 2! ^_^ this is something, that's for sure! Enjoyed muchly
-Lynne

“A poem is a tiny piece of the poets soul; on paper.”

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

8 posted 2001-05-27 09:02 PM

wow!...beautifully written...an amazing job you guys did here...i loved this piece...you two worked so well

i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

brian madden
Member Elite

since 2000-05-06

Posts 4374
ireland

9 posted 2001-06-02 03:25 PM

but still beneath the chapel, shutting down
my body ached, my insides shredded out
the pain ran o'er my body as a gown
and cleansed me of my everlasting doubt

and as the petal wept and hit the earth
so, too, my hopes and memories of you
fell flatly at my feet, for all they're worth
then melting in the blades of grass and dew

powerful imagery guys this was great stuff.

"difference between love and comfortis that comfort's more reliable and true
Brutal and mocking but always therea crutch for enmity's saddest glare"

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

10 posted 2001-06-14 09:35 PM

You guys this was truly amazing. wow. im speechless

If you only understood my pain then maybe you could learn to be my friend. Be there. My crying shoulder. The smiles. And the caring i need to survive.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

11 posted 2003-05-16 01:43 PM

Now this is some really nice work. You two have a lot of talent, and you definitely work well together.

Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

12 posted 2003-05-16 03:03 PM

Thanks for bringing this one from the archives!
I am in awe of the way this weaves the words of two into one.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

13 posted 2003-05-16 03:57 PM

LP? It is precisely because of this one I decided to try it again.

I was delightfully surprised when I not only got the opportunity to learn more about poetry--but also made a wonderful new friend!

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

14 posted 2003-05-17 05:31 AM

This is amzing - just brilliant writing guys . . .
in awe - truly
xxoo

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

15 posted 2003-05-17 11:25 PM

A GIGANTIC well-done from here!

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

16 posted 2003-05-18 02:02 AM

I wish this was going to be in the Reflections Book...wonderful writing, you two. (I may just print it out and slide it into the book when I get it, if you both don't mind.)

Hey maybe the next book can have a section of duets in it...

M

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

17 posted 2003-05-19 12:39 PM

serenity is always good. . . but, let me tell you. . . that Allan Riverwood is just a great guy. . . I wonder what happened to him. . .

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To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

18 posted 2006-09-29 10:11 PM

There are so many quality poets in this place....it's almost astonishing! Yes, I'm going back and reading the old things tonight, and enjoying it very much. New doesn't equal best, after all.....

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______________Ratleader______________

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