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Poetic Haven

Breakfast.

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

0 posted 2004-05-22 09:02 AM

Breakfast

Tentative steps of tiny feet
pitter-patter
of an early shower

*

Beads of cool clear rain
glide gently down its face
carried softly as it is
like sweet ambrosia

*

Calmly she creeps
          through
sharpened blades of green
and rests upon
   the warming stone

*

The distant trickle
of fallen water
cuts through,
the air
           refreshed

        *

Black and white
she sends her love
days old it still smells fresh.

Hmm...

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

1 posted 2004-05-23 09:12 PM

I enjoyed this one for its soft language and its pithy verse. Good job.

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

2 posted 2004-05-26 11:37 AM

Some lovely imagery here. I can just feel the refeshing spring water and smell the flowers. Very nice work.. I won't try to decipher it atm, it's been awhile since I've read anything, so I'm rusty. I wanted to comment though, because I still enjoyed it very much!

Oh, make me Thine forever
And should I fainting be
Lord, let me never ever
Outlive my love for Thee

gemjop
Member Elite

since 2002-11-18

Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA

3 posted 2004-06-01 09:02 AM

Andrew, one of your best writes yet. Nature at its most beautiful.

one for the library.

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

4 posted 2004-06-03 11:15 AM

It's always amazing when you can hear the voice inside your head saying all of the words of a poem. Congrats, Zu, very few have accomplished this voice, at least, with me.

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

5 posted 2004-06-07 05:46 PM

Thank you for the replies.

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