something wild ( my offering in lieu of duet with apologies)

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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

0 posted 2001-05-07 07:24 AM

The words are weighted by the fog
Each cypress, sparkles, beckoning..
No. There are no horses here.
No. Not one, I know, can sing,
I still stand in gossamer
(And not a stain of blood on her)
I still stand amid the dirt
I raise my arms unto my sky…
Joyfully I twirl my skirt
Stomping feet to muddied eye
Rebellion still in grit of teeth
The dirt that sinks in grimace greet---
Watch for me—
The white of eyes—
The look of caged
Of something wild…
Amidst the shadows as they change,
They are touched and rearranged.
And every poem, I write is me…
I can’t cope. I can’t flee.

Each word I write
It brings me nearer
Every rhyme I type
A mirror.
I cannot be—yet, wanted more…
I spied the possibilities.
Your eyes were but the promised tide
Your voice the sirens of the sea.

I would have counted grains of sand
and paid a dowry for your hand.
All my castles, labored through,
I would have swept them just for you...

I wanted to enchant a spell
and may my soul be damned to hell.
Every shell I found on shore
I held to ear to hear "want more?"

Always just a mockery
the sun in set upon the beach
but through the tears of hope I cried,
I mistook this for sunrise.

I watched for distant ship from shore
and swam to meet the boat before
I viewed the distance of the lag...
I eagerly grasped pirate's flag.

Not your fault--you sailed in truth.
You warned me there could be no truce.
And in my lonely camp on beach,
I saw what I desired to see.

Imprisoned now, the pirate's wench—
The victim of my loneliness—
Eager to join treasures sank
I grateful, graceful walk this plank.

Escape from me
I cannot
Unwrite me…
No, I cannot
Unplead my plea,
Nor take my heart
Unbleed my bleed…
I can’t remove
The YOU from ME…
And if I could?
Well then I would
Succeed in breathing—
Without lung
My life –receding
darkness gone
with spark of light
and all wisdom
ache of long
to hear the ring
Solomon’s gong
became the tune
of bird’s mute song…

And every rhythm in the trees,
Shook each branch and rattled leaves---
The whisper in the wind of me---
Makes me beg you, beg you, please….
I need to be where I belong.

*a repost/reworked poem due to the fact that Tia's PC ate our homework...sigh...hope ya like it anyway*
with HUGS FOR TIA!!!!

[This message has been edited by serenity (edited 05-07-2001).]

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

1 posted 2001-05-07 12:36 PM

Well done, Serenity!  The image and flow are superb in this piece, it really had an impact on me.  I love the layout of the poem, the second to last stanza was brilliant.
One thing I'd recommend however is that if you should revise this again, keep an eye on your meter.  It faltered in a few places (like "Solomon's gong").
Nothing fatal though, this poem still wins my eager approval as it is.

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

2 posted 2001-05-07 08:23 PM

In one word:

Magic

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

3 posted 2001-05-07 10:48 PM

Wow!!! Excellent writing!

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

4 posted 2001-05-08 03:00 AM

Alan? am grinning at you...sometimes my mind falls pitter patter and I myself thought..."oops girl, lost the meter..." there...so thank you, for your honesty--
will re work this one.

Love to you sharon and martie....

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-05-13 02:32 PM

Wonderful job on this one!
Completely enjoyed!!!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Yu Lan
Senior Member

since 2000-04-13

Posts 1462
New Zealand

6 posted 2001-05-18 05:26 AM

?! What do I say here..
I really enjoyed this, beatifully written, and the emotions are SO well portrayed.. such a love, and an ache of memories.. enjoyed muchly.. muchly enjoyed
-Lynne

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

7 posted 2001-05-27 09:28 PM

very well written...with great imagery...powerful verses...i enjoyed this piece graetly...wonderful job

i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 05-27-2001).]

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

8 posted 2006-09-30 09:46 AM

With apologies, a poem like this....with apologies!

But not for the quality, that's for sure -- I'm glad you added the explanation!

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

9 posted 2006-09-30 04:56 PM

There are so many I have forgotten...

I don't save my stuff, but maybe I should, so I would quit re-writing them.

So thanks Ed, for dragging this one to the fore--shaking my head, embarrassed. I figger I have perhaps written 8 poems--the rest are all re-hashed. And this one was even re-worked! ACK. groannnnnnnnnnnnnnnn....

But Ed, you are doing a great job of reminding us all that this little haven rocked once upon a time. So thanks for that too.

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