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R.E.M. |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981
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forgotten music, still pounds in half closed eyes no sleep tonight, only the cracked window of lonely room. Who will hide from the light? Who will stand in the half-shadows of sleep? I know a girl that tumbles into abyss each night, one sheet covers her skin but she gets colder every day. parasomniac with sweat-drenched thoughts-- awakens to the sound of the alarm. smoke sieves though a door, locked in fear of fear itself I cannot tell you what she dreamt, only the snow-- suffocating the crumbleing walls doesn't want to be felt anymore winter is not dieing but metamorphosis, the butterfly as helpless as the worm. (ughh...Liz tries to be subtle. I try. so...help would be appreciated. heh...you know. so I can learn.) And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!" -Tool [This message has been edited by Wind (10-01-2003 08:40 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Liz - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Liz... help? as in what? This has some interesting images and the idea or central theme seems solid. I struggle a bit with all you are trying to say and with a bit of the mixed images used. Smoke and snow for example can be tied together, but the transition from one to the other here seems abrubt...without the connecting pieces or words. Exactly what you want to convey is the main driver..and without the insight into your thoughts it is hard to say whether you were successful or not.. (chuckling) listing out brat behavior.... you are indeed a super brat!! |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
I'm with Ron. There's nothing to fix. |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
eh...the smoke and the snow are the same thing....I guess thats what you are asking? It does seem confusing but then again I wrote it pretty late at night. thos things allways seem different than they really are. The transformation it...its really kind of strange but the transformation has to do with the fear and sleep....like changing the way things are seen. I suppose what I mean is this: when I was litlle I used to be afraid of the dark. I said that when I was bigger, I would overcome these fears and came out with more. the smoke is all imagination, or supposedly part of the nightmare. There were a few lines that I deleted that could have helped tie them together but I deleted them. I like to make people guess. glad you guys enjoyed it though. [This message has been edited by Wind (10-02-2003 03:31 PM).] |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Liz you always keep us guessing..great write leave it alone |
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Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
It's like, if you reach for the last cookie, I'll smack your hand.. Don't change it. |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
Hey, that title is perfect!! *applauds* I hope you have sweet dreams occassionally Liz... Bless your cotten sockies, you poetic maniacs. ^_^ |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
pretty much I'm with them...I see nothing wrong...  If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried. |
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