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Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

0 posted 2003-09-23 02:35 AM


Sonnet V
on first seeing my breath before the new winter

When Earth meanders from its inner track
  And lady Summer dares unfast her robe;
When Azrael his mighty wings folds back
  To 'clipse with sadness the celestial globes;
  Mourn not the living who to slumber probe
For Death's fast scythe hath too a cooling edge
  That kindly drips upon the Sun who strobes
With pain and anguish, that no more he fledge
The sprouts of Spring, or from the topsoil dredge
  Lithe fingers of the lush, lime-painted grass;
No more shall leaves sprout, no more shall the sedge
  Quench its thirst-parch├Ęd tongue in sunny Brass---
The age of Dusk has fall'n and, seeing snow,
The heav'ns withdraw their Ward to grant it flow.

© Copyright 2003 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
1 posted 2003-09-23 06:52 AM



This goes beyond Autumn, and graces Winter with acceptance...there is much more I would like to say about it...but I don't want you to think I'm gushing...

but yes, this one does make me want to gush.  So I'll keep it, and gush later.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

2 posted 2003-09-23 08:52 AM


OK...I need to send your teach a thank you note for this assignment, cuz the idea of having a sonnet from you everyday is reason for moth elation.

There were so many lines in this that made me smile in admire of your talent...


And lady Summer dares unfast her robe;

what a poetically wonderful personify and image that is...very cool!!

When Azrael his mighty wings folds back
  To 'clipse with sadness the celestial globes;
  Mourn not the living who to slumber probe
For Death's fast scythe hath too a cooling edge
  That kindly drips upon the Sun who strobe


ALL of that rocks...imagery, personify and assonance..reading aloud is a must!!


Lithe fingers of the lush, lime-painted grass;
No more shall leaves sprout, no more shall the sedge



now youre toying with me
could those lines be any cooler?

ahhh the assonance, the allits..the vocabulary...
  
Yep...Im gonna be loving this project.
Guaranteed rhymes divine...the moth is giddy.

"If you feel heartbreak, distant thunder, lightning, earthquakes ...
If you wonder why the earth moves ... this is me missing you."

JH

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

3 posted 2003-09-23 08:52 AM


AOL hiccupped...

[This message has been edited by Janet Marie (09-23-2003 08:54 AM).]

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

4 posted 2003-09-23 01:21 PM


Not A Sonnet V                
on reading your rhymes                    

Wouldst thou think less of me
Should I pen in words cliche'
Should I profess my poetic admire
then confess thy words take mine breath away

Wouldst thou think me naive
Wouldst thou find me too absurd
Should I build alters for thy verse
So that I might worship thine every word

Might I study thee like the masters
Wouldst thou instill thy gift of inspire
So that I might grow in thy light
That I might inquire thy poetic entire

Might I inhale thy every line
savior thy verse in long, slow, sips
For there could be no sweeter wine
than thine rhymes upon my lips

If only I could write well of thee ...
Might I truly capture thy inspire's grace
Would my words ever do thou justice ...
Would they leave my admiration's trace
  



Blame it on the cadence...
I cant help it...sonnets make me stupid.








"If you feel heartbreak, distant thunder, lightning, earthquakes ...
If you wonder why the earth moves ... this is me missing you."

JH


[This message has been edited by Janet Marie (09-23-2003 01:24 PM).]

Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden
5 posted 2003-09-23 02:47 PM


You don't need me to tell you how wonderful this is, or the thoughts that it brought to my mind.  You already know that I believe this to be amazing and the minute I read anything of yours, all my adjectives run away and hide... my words leave and I cannot think of a proper response.  But you do not need me to tell you this, because you already know.  You know that this, all of this, is the reason I anticipate computer class every day and this is the reason I get very little sleep at times.  It is work like yours, Brian, that keeps me reading, keeps me crawling back for more despite the fact that you still appear to be very angry with me (which can be slightly intimidating).  Still, you know that you are amazing and that I envy your ablities.  I would like to learn from you, if only I could have that opportunity.

Until your next..

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
6 posted 2003-09-23 04:10 PM


Aww JM... you're a sweetheart.  I'm glad I could inspire you to write in metered verse with my same wannabe early-modern-English verb conjugations.  Sweet of you, you wonderful, talented woman.  

Well I don't know if I can really post every one of my daily sonnets but, rest assured, I'm keeping up with them.  I just finished VII and I'm thinking of handing out a few replies and maybe posting that one a bit later.  

When I'm finished these they'll be organized in a neat little booklet that I might just revise a few thousand times and consider publishing.  I'm pretty pumped about this idea.  Will keep you posted with my favourites.  I only posted this one because Carly said it was her favourite of the five I showed her.

Thanks to all of you for your support.
Brian

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (09-23-2003 04:11 PM).]

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
7 posted 2003-09-24 12:37 PM


Brian, you write with such
elegant beauty, style and grace
as that of nature herself

I envy that, but in that I
learn from you, and from that
I admire you and strive to even
attempt to one day write such utter
beauty  .. . .

lady Summer dares unfast her robe;

you breathe life into the language

Suzie
xxoo

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
8 posted 2003-09-24 10:32 PM


There were lines that rang out but as I continued it became inconceivable for me to single any of them out here. All pieces of a glorious whole, a symphony of words, and you are a master composer. Beats a 'Wow.." no?

and did i actually say glorious whole? lmao

fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

9 posted 2003-09-27 11:07 PM


I liked this one, but not as much as Sonnet VII.  Good use of personification and allusion.

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

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