becomes - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

0 posted 2003-09-05 12:07 PM

death becomes me
contentions kill
what hopes remain
as i exhume
what best lay buried

purpose
corroded by the pine
of self-reflection
no longer pacified
in hermitage

in an empty
sleepless bed
another piece dies

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

1 posted 2003-09-05 12:11 PM

The worst part is
I understand this..

The best part is
I understand this..

Great write, Raph, always.

*hug*

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

2 posted 2003-09-05 03:51 AM

ahhh your wordplays are amazing Raph
*smiling here*

but this:

what best lay buried

(well I will just keep my mouth
shut, you already know what will
come out of it)

death becomes me . . . beautiful line
xxoo

gemjop
Member Elite

since 2002-11-18

Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA

3 posted 2003-09-06 01:50 PM

hermit.

get back under yer rock.
a fine ode to hermitism you tfaisedwancheeeer.

Instant karma's gonna get you.

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

4 posted 2003-09-06 03:27 PM

3 gracious replies from three people i know understand and of course gem wanting to show me her butt..what else is new? lmao

Ceinwyn
Member Elite

since 2000-07-09

Posts 2175
VA

5 posted 2003-09-15 10:41 PM

I missed this..dreadfully sorry...that's what I get when I'm consumed by work and stuff...another piece dies...gawd I wish I could come up with something witty and intelligent but uhh only if I could spell it tonite!..yeah..but it's me we're talking about...

If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried.

[This message has been edited by Ceinwyn (09-15-2003 10:41 PM).]

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

6 posted 2003-09-16 03:45 AM

Your form is definitely improving, Raph.  I'm actually starting to like your poetry, as you're starting to introduce a unique element to it.  You're learning style, and it's wonderful to see.

You might not want to start your poem with a cliche, though.  I know first lines are a pain in the ass, so what I usually do is write an entire introductory stanza just to get myself going and refuse to care about its quality, then when I'm done, just scrap the whole damn thing.  Hey, it works for me.

Haven't talked to you in a long time.  Hope you're well, old dude.

Brian

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

7 posted 2003-09-16 01:25 PM

Stanzas as nooses.

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

8 posted 2003-09-16 03:09 PM

thanks Kris

thanks Bri, believe it or not we agree

on poetry. Never liked the beginning of this but posted it anyway, that's where critiques come in though few ever offer them. I'm well and i'll swing by one of these nights and hey,how about a post?

grins mike

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.