I Have Paved Roads For You.

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

0 posted 2003-08-15 03:13 AM

I have paved
roads for you.

The undeniable smell
of pavement on your skin.

I've shown you proof
of my weakness.

A bitter advantage, you have.

Though
never streaked such
clouds upon my sky.

Never admired
the birds I'd painted upon it.

Trust, according to me,
is a boundless thing..

And you have crossed the line.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

1 posted 2003-08-15 03:48 AM

bittersweet message here---

the couplets worked really well, especially the ending--which strayed from form--that swapped it in for a punch.

The metaphors were great--but left me wondering about "more".

So?

I'll just be patient, and wait for more.

In the meantime? I like the way yer aura grows.

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

2 posted 2003-08-15 01:20 PM

"Trust, according to me,
is a boundless thing..

And you have crossed the line."

Those lines sealed the deal for me...

Susan

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

3 posted 2003-08-15 06:05 PM

This is the most elegant FU i've ever read..adore it

Nicole
Senior Member

since 1999-06-23

Posts 1835
Florida

4 posted 2003-08-15 07:30 PM

I really enjoyed this - it is subtle and supple. I too, enjoyed the last lines, very nicely put.

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

5 posted 2003-08-16 12:15 PM

I enjoyed this bunches... very subtle but very good.

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

6 posted 2003-08-16 10:42 PM

I know that path quite well and the line you speak of is crossed ONCE
love the punch indeed Kaoru
xxoo

gemjop
Member Elite

since 2002-11-18

Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA

7 posted 2003-08-18 06:47 PM

Why oh why oh why.

I told the person i was in love with, how much i trusted him, how weak and out of control, yet so in control i felt, how i trusted him like family.

and to think that he knew, my every thought, my every insecurity and strength, and became someone I know i could never trust with my heart again, breaks it again.

i know this meg, more than you could know. and it angers me, yet saddens me still, i suppose it always will.
one for the library here.

Instant karma's gonna get you.

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

8 posted 2003-08-26 12:08 PM

Wow.

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

9 posted 2003-08-27 10:18 AM

was waiting to coment on this one

insanity is not a crime

QjQ
Member Elite

since 2003-04-18

Posts 3756
U.S.A.

10 posted 2003-08-27 03:22 PM

terrifically penned,,,

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

11 posted 2004-05-05 01:27 PM

as usual..you blend the words and feelings in such a way as to make the reader almost taste the effects of emotion...

peace dear lady to you and your heart...

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

12 posted 2004-06-07 12:19 PM

I really enjoyed reading this, keep up the wonderful writing.

Andrew

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.