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Armstrong
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Armstrong |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg 
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Armstrong The spheres of mind's kaleidescope All glitter'd bright, as upward groped Th'eleventh archer's gallery-- A legion proudly armour'd--the Vast unhorizon sprawl'd upon Their bed at gunpoint--and the sun Would bear no blame for their ill game; Would fight, if not so fixt with shame. The silver sphere's proximity Increas'd as the encroaching crew Abandon'd their safe shell of blue Which, with great unanimity Cast heavenward a cheer of pride Towards the sought-for destination As nation after hungry nation With drooling, open maws, unleasht their teeth inside. Piccarda the Inconstant spied them Constance next, her sources vext Broke from perpetual bliss, perplext By the grand falling pillar, eyed them Cold-slept, squisht in linear posture A filthy, unescorted roster Seem'd to inhabit the invader For fear, the spectres fled each to a crater. They helplessly endured her cries And cover'd their rememb'ring eyes When from the foreign cenotaph The pallid men shot forth a laugh Of victory, and to her paced In cloudlike strides, and then, defaced With a steel rod and firmest vice The virgin sphere of Paradise. Dear Luna's wedding-gown is stain'd Her bridesmaids still are weeping, shrouded Behind their craters, forever crowded By empty Human fleshlings, chain'd To that black-scarrèd surface, where With shredded garlands in her hair Fair Luna sings to Armstrong--he Hath found her infertility. The astral dunes and lunar crags Behold with fear the stripèd rag That danceth not to airy sections But to indignant hands that rip in all directions. Still writhing, the sad legend sags Its corpse, impaled, about a flag Which mankind's bleeding curse endows Upon the land of broken vows. [This message has been edited by Local Parasite (07-19-2003 01:08 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marshalzu 
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Just amazing  Andy |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
They helplessly endured her cries And cover'd their rememb'ring eyes When from the foreign cenotaph The pallid men shot forth a laugh Of victory, and to her paced In cloudlike strides, and then, defaced With a steel rod and firmest vice The virgin sphere of Paradise. Dear Luna's wedding-gown is stain'd Her bridesmaids still are weeping, shroudèd Behind their craters, forever crowdèd By empty Human fleshlings, chain'd To that black-scarrèd surface, where With shreddèd garlands in her hair Fair Luna sings to Armstrong--he Hath found her infertility. The astral dunes and lunar crags Behold with fear the stripèd rag That danceth not to airy sections But to indignant hands that rip in all directions. Still writhing, the sad legend sags Its corpse, impaled, about a flag Which mankind's bleeding curse endows Upon the land of broken vows ===================================== one (not so) small step for rhyme ... one GIANT step for poetry  YOU ROCK!!!! Your Rhymes rock...the way your mind turns words into poetry...any subject matter becomes rhyme divine when its run thru your brilliant and deep mind... and only you could put this twist on this subject. This is one very cool inspire...and I am so diggin your imagery and vocab ... I LOVE this verse... Dear Luna's wedding-gown is stain'd Her bridesmaids still are weeping, shroudèd Behind their craters, forever crowdèd By empty Human fleshlings, chain'd To that black-scarrèd surface, where With shreddèd garlands in her hair Fair Luna sings to Armstrong--he Hath found her infertility. the imagery and personify is awesome... I will be looking at the moon different tonite after this oh so impressive write. Youre too cool for school...and I am but your poetry fool  "I'm good at two things and this is the other one." |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
This is just deliciously tantalizing. Mind if I drool a bit? This is so perfectly executed, the draw of mystery is displayed in your opening stanza-- and you do indeed reach for the moon, nothing trite about the word play, the rhymes that won't fit upon a NORMAL tongue, fit precisely here and beg to be played on stage. As they are, in the following stanzas. "The silver sphere's proximity Increas'd as the encroaching crew" I like the foreshadow of "encroach", it sets the tone and foreshadows the lovely (albeit harsh in the overview) treatment of dear Luna, while giving the modern mind that visual necessary to follow the thought. "Piccarda the Inconstant spied them Constance next, her sources vext" More than nice in the allusion here, and once again, strong opening to the stanza, with the follow up, not a whimper, but a little bit of strings before the next "ooomph". You are playing this like a maestro here. The fourth stanza is not quite as powerful, but like a master musician, (although I am kind of "iffy" on these two lines? "When from the foreign cenotaph The pallid men shot forth a laugh") although it doesn't NOT work, it seems kind of shruggish--yet? you do incorporate, quite musically, the good use of a "bridge"--which, delightfully leads us to your next thought provoking stanza: " Dear Luna's wedding-gown is stain'd Her bridesmaids still are weeping, shroudèd Behind their craters, forever crowdèd By empty Human fleshlings, chain'd To that black-scarrèd surface, where With shreddèd garlands in her hair Fair Luna sings to Armstrong--he Hath found her infertility." Very strong stanza, which poses age old questions of philosophy, and lends a certain sadness to what most perceive as simply accomplishment, you, sweetheart, poet YOU, see the sadness in a mystery revealed, and equating the loss of that mystery with a metaphorical rape of nature in the name of knowledge is evident in the next stanza, which I thought and kind of still feel could be incorporated into one with the last: "The astral dunes and lunar crags Behold with fear the stripèd rag That danceth not to airy sections But to indignant hands that rip in all directions. Still writhing, the sad legend sags Its corpse, impaled, about a flag Which mankind's bleeding curse endows Upon the land of broken vows." But that last stanza is exquisite with a subliminal conjuring of use of word "buzz"-- mankind's bleeding, and "broken" vows, leaving the reader with the subconscious imagery of rape of virgin, and further wondering, just whose hymen was broken in the conquest of man to dominate the natural world. And if I applaud? I fear I will spray drool over the rest of the audience. Exquisitely written, temperate and yet surprising in strength. The only thing better would be to hear you read it aloud. I curtsey. |
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timothysangel1973
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725Never close enough |
 "Still writhing, the sad legend sags Its corpse, impaled, about a flag Which mankind's bleeding curse endows Upon the land of broken vows." I really enjoyed the entire write, but yes...I do have a favorite line and above is the one! I'm sticking this one in the Library so that I can come back later and read again, I haven't been on all day, and have lots of catching up to do around here! Some women wait for something to change and nothing does, so they change themselves. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
and even the title is a layering of correctness and still yet profundity. "Armstrong." Strong arm? INDEED. I like. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Piccarda the Inconstant spied them Constance next, her sources vext Broke from perpetual bliss, perplext By the grand falling pillar, eyed them Cold-slept, squisht in linear posture A filthy, unescorted roster Seem'd to inhabit the invader For fear, the spectres fled each to a crater. ======================================= any one ever tell you youre deeeeeep just came back to read this gem of pen again...much to see here...much to find between the rhymes. I just love being poetically mooned LOL"I'm good at two things and this is the other one." |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
loved this write, especially the last two stanzas. (No need to to copy, you wrote them, you know them).I'm so happy I didn't miss this gem.  |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Damn and double damn! This is a thing of beauty LP. Made me recall the night I sat rapt watching this event.... Wondrous... Ed |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Brian: I, too am infatuated with these lines: Dear Luna's wedding-gown is stain'd Her bridesmaids still are weeping, shrouded Behind their craters, forever crowded By empty Human fleshlings, chain'd To that black-scarrèd surface, where With shredded garlands in her hair Fair Luna sings to Armstrong--he Hath found her infertility. God, I adore your mind brilliant flowing . . . like honey xxoo |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Andy - thanks! Glad to know you enjoyed it. JM - I can really tell when I strike you with my poetry because you hold shift while you type. Haha... seriously... thanks so much for reading and I'm proud I could meet your approval on yet another struggle to force my confused mind into words.  Serenity - You analyzed me well, even though most of it you ran by me on IM beforehand. I won't steal any of your due credit away from you though, you read this poem clearly and got every last drop of meaning I put into it. Thank you so much for reading me so deeply, that is the most fulfilling thing someone could ever do for me. And yanno? The fourth stanza was one of my favourites too... haha... thanks for the honesty. Oh and yeah... strong arm, ya know, the masculine, overpowering force that reaches out and mauls the universe with a strong hand? Hehe... you see right through me.Tima - so glad to see you in Sanctuary, I have to say... this place is booming with activity lately and it's really refreshing to see all the wonderful artwork people post here getting the attention it deserves. As for your comments on my poem, I'm honoured to be featured in your private library... that means a lot to me. Thanks! Kacy - I'm so happy you didn't miss it too! Thanks for taking the time to read, and I'm glad you so enjoyed it. Ed - Oh? See, I wasn't even watching TV when it happened. In fact, I wasn't even born. Glad to know I got the approval of someone who was actually there for the event, 'cause I was kind of going by concept instead of memory. Visited by the muse, ya know? Filling the poet with memories of what happened long before? Yep... Sue - You're sweet to me... also like flowing honey. Thanks guys... this one I was pretty proud of. Something that had been bouncing off the walls in my mind for some time now. It's good to see such approval for it... |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
It honestly took me way too long to reply to this one, Brian, and I'm sorry. I just love everything about this and I couldn't pick out just one thing, or even a few things that I love about it to focus on. As usual, you are amazing, wonderful, extraordinary... everything. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Brian Fabulous writing...you are extraordinarily gifted. |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
i do believe this is the very first time ( possibly ) that i sat and read one of your poems all the way through....this was just amazing...there are no other words.... quote: Riley * the pouring rain kisses my lips with innocence as you look into my eyes * |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
As I was wandering down the hallway of the local highschool in an attempt to find a bathroom where I could wash my raw-egg covered hands, I saw a box of construction materials with the brand of "Armstrong" on the cardboard and immediately thought of you. I know this has nothing to do with anything, but I realized that meant that this had an impact on me and I thought I just might as well share it with you. Have a nice day, dear. |
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