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Prairie Confessional (Duet with SeaofOKC)
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Prairie Confessional (Duet with SeaofOKC) |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
There are seas of grass that grow in bend of stem when the wind that never seems to cease breathes warm Where we played grownup on bare chested sun lolling prairie days sharing innocence, child bright summer waved green envy as we played hide n seek with sunburned modesty Naivity lost among the swaying strands, the red stained blanket of our youth discarded along the way so no eyes should find juvenile sin then demand we hail Mary or our father before we let life begin [This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (05-23-2003 11:45 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Cpat Hair - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
This IS PERFECT. All of it... NO shkidding.  The opening is as breezy as a perfect day in childhood, and this? THIS? YES!!! "Naivity lost among the swaying strands, the red stained blanket of our youth discarded along the way so no eyes should find juvenile sin then demand we hail Mary or our father before we let life begin" The final lines coupled with the possibly (?) metaphorical physical act of loss of virginity (and actually either way, it just doesn't matter here) and the beginning of life...oh my! I'd be jealous, but this is just so good, I can only applaud in admiration.  |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Wonderbar! One cannot remain naive on the plains... for if they cling to that they soon find themselves in the dust of time... Bravo, to the both of you! |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Ah... this is a nice subject to talk about. Right now I'm babysitting a couple of little brats who seem to have settled down for the moment by playing a game with their action figures. Polly Pocket and her pet dinosaur... children are precious.  I love this imagery, the open prairie fields with the wind blowing through the grass, kind of suggesting an agelessness that outlives one's childhood... then, the timeline, really well done. I liked this very much... great work, you two. Parasite Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Ser... you girl say the nicest things..lol.... thank you Sunshine... isn't that the truth? No wonder it is so dusty in the summer time... LP... kids... hmmm... I like kids...other people's... lol glad you enjoyed... and thank for the comments bud |
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sea_of_okc Senior Member
since 1999-06-15
Posts 568Oklahoma City, OK, USA |
This turned out to be a wonderful work thanks to Ron's editing skills. I tossed in a few phrases which Ron meshed seamlessly into the spirit of the poem. Free verse has never been my strength but I enjoyed the experience. Thanks for reading you guys and Thank you Ron for expanding my poetic horizons. |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Interesting poem. I like the last few lines. You seem to be subtly personifying the setting of the poem while having the speaker[s] speak of him/her/their self at the same time. 2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2 |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
There are seas of grass that grow in bend of stem when the wind that never seems to cease breathes warm Where we played grownup on bare chested sun lolling prairie days sharing innocence, child bright summer waved green envy as we played hide n seek with sunburned modesty Naivity lost among the swaying strands, the red stained blanket of our youth discarded along the way =================================== I love the mix of imagery and personification in this..the two combined created a soulful, wistful, return to memories. Like an old photograph takes us back to a moment in time. very cool you two. And I see there is a second offering from your dueting pens..so I am off to see if Steve got Ron to rhyme on that one  Darkness cannot drive out darkness ... only light can do that. |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Two down, and how many to go? Friends, read these two beautiful voices, that sang here once. Miss them. Think of a way to encourage one or both of them to come back. We lose too many of our best. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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