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fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958


0 posted 2003-04-19 04:22 AM


love peels away
the rocky putrid eyes
fall away as the cold
gritty death takes hold.
gone to our dismay
the long awaited sighs
fall away as the cold
gritty death takes hold.

I've seen this moment time and time
again throughout these years I've lived.
I always knew this day would come,
from birth to death and 'round again.

when will I obey
the lustful call of death,
which seeks to hold at last
my sensual body?
he'll enter in that day,
steal the kiss of my breath,
and seize and hold at last
my sensual body.

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

© Copyright 2003 fractal007 - All Rights Reserved
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
1 posted 2003-04-20 10:31 AM


Trying my best to figure this one out.  Let me read it a few more times...

Oh wow... this is just awesome, Frac.  I absolutely love your descriptions, your use of repeated lines, this piece overall.  I saw a woman aging, decaying, and despairing after her lost life.  You wrote this perfectly.  I'm adding it to my library.

Excellent work, man...

Parasite

God becomes as
we are that we
may be as he
is
~William Blake

Marshalzu
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681
Lurking
2 posted 2003-04-20 04:45 PM


This is truly wonderful writing, I loved the repeated lines, they were used brilliantly and the whole peice, it was so well crafted, so beautiful and such a delight to read.

Keep up the great work

Andrew

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